Bride clearly angling bouquet toward specific friend
A NEWLYWED woman throwing her bouquet is very obviously trying to ensure it lands in the hands of a particular unwed friend.
The Daily MashThe Daily Mash
satire
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We ask you: What’s your libellous theory of why Harry and Meghan are moving to the UK?
THE Duke and Duchess of Sussex are moving to Britain, and we’ve all got our own legally inadmissible opinions as to why. What’s yours?
Harry has no more money for legal action so say what you want
Man definitely didn’t just freshen up willy in girlfriend’s sink
A man who emerged from the bathroom ready for intercourse is pretending he did not wash his horrible knob in his girlfriend's lovely sink.
The Archbishop of Canterbury on… Nigel Farage, ending benefits for Britain’s own good
Waking up with a hangover that's left my anus barking like a dog, I imbibe more water than a data centre to take the edge off.
Meghan takes role in EastEnders
THE Duchess of Sussex has announced she has been offered a major role in the soap opera EastEnders .
The six stages of disillusionment with your club’s summer buys
HEADY with anticipation at a man you’ve never heard of signing for the club you support? These are the six stages in your journey to hatred.
Harry to try to return to royal life as if nothing happened
THE Duke of Sussex is going to try and waltz back into the Royal family by pretending the last six years did not happen.
Sussexes to handle unpopularity with British public by never, ever meeting them
Who is Natalie Harp? The woman who, please God no, for her sake, may be sleeping with Trump
ONE of President Trump’s personal staff who, nobody likes to think about it but it’s possible, may be having sex with him has come to prominence. Who is Natalie Harp?
Why we know salary is the last thing on your mind, by a hiring manager
MONEY is vulgar. We know you’re applying for this position because you believe you can maximise value for our shareholders. That’s why we prefer not to bring it up.
Your hate keeps us young, Harry tells Britain
PRINCE Harry has informed Britain that only bathing in its utter loathing for them keeps him and his wife young.
1 the same as A*, teen tells parents
A TEENAGER has convinced his parents that a grade 1 is the equivalent to an A* in the updated GCSE marking scheme.
Burnham branded ‘indie traitor’ after attending Brit awards
Homeless people are untidy, Britain reluctantly agrees
DESPITE the UK’s natural unwillingness to help the unfortunate, Burnham’s plan to end rough sleeping has won support because they are rather scruffy.
I hold all my key Zoom meetings in Wetherspoons. This phone speaker ban will hurt my bottom line
'BUY,' 'Sell,' What's the margin on that?' and 'Borrow in yen and invest in bonds.' Just a few of the things I say while running a major business from Wetherspoons.
‘Sober at work’ and other acting roles you should be recognised for
ACTING isn't the preserve of the good-looking, the talented, or even their nepo babies. Ordinary people like you perform, and these six turns in particular deserve an Oscar.
Teacher doesn’t give a toss what ex-pupil doing now
A secondary school teacher could not care less what some kid they taught 20 years ago is up to these days.