I watch the AI industry hype itself into absurdity, and I write about it. I track the patterns, the promises, the digital superstition. I call bullshit when ...
An AI parody with a good portion of Dystopia because it trends Yesterday Sam Altman posted a request: “please consider using our models to help defend your systems” I had been looking at this sentence for several minutes when a small problem developed. I remembered July. July was approximately seventeen years ago in AI time, so allow me to introduce Bartholomew. Bartholomew is not his real name…
My mornings begin with coffee and the unreasonable hope that humanity has managed to behave itself overnight. This hope survives for roughly the time it takes the machine to finish pouring. Then I open the news, because apparently peace makes me suspicious, and within minutes I am standing in my kitchen holding a mug while somebody on the internet confidently explains something they have…
A short story of doomerism, ignorance, and poetry. At least the coffee is good, unlike the arguments I'm reading about the future. The Missing Subject Somewhere inside Oracle's 2026 annual filing, a sentence is trying very hard to look innocent. "The adoption and deployment of AI technologies across our operations have resulted, and may continue to result, in reductions to our workforce." Oracle…
Vibe Coding, Model-Loss Grief, AI Companions, and the Strange Morality of Who Gets to Be Attached to a Machine The internet held a small funeral this week. “RIP Claude Fable 5,” said Reddit, with the kind of sincerity usually reserved for dead pets, discontinued lipstick shades, and MMO servers that once ate an entire adolescence. Born June 9. Dead June 12. Seventy-two hours old, which is barely…
A roast in two and a half acts: a privacy dumpster fire, a pearl-clutching double standard, and a tiny side-eye at who gets called dependent. For variety. So. Replika dropped version 2.0 on May 22, 2026. They called it "rebuilt from the ground up." They promised it's "the most emotionally intelligent AI ever built." They also gave it access to your Gmail and Google Calendar. Let's talk about that.…
Look. I need to tell you something and I need you not to make it weird. I made an Instagram account. I know. I know. Instagram, the platform that started as a hipster with a Polaroid and a dream and slowly mutated into a fever swamp of engagement bait, sponsored detox teas, and grown adults pointing at floating text with the urgency of air traffic controllers. The place where every third post is a…
"…there is no new thing under the sun." — Ecclesiastes 1:9 "Sycophant" is an ancient Greek word, which is annoying, because it means I have to begin this piece by admitting my ancestors spotted this nonsense roughly 2,500 years before Silicon Valley gave it a UX team. The word sykophantēs has a messy little history involving figs, informers, false accusations, and the kind of civic drama that…
There is a kind of AI user that the labs still do not know how to see. Not the developer in the launch video. Not the enterprise team piping API calls into dashboards. Not the vulnerable user in the safety documents half-real and half-liability, forever on the edge of being harmed by the machine. Someone else. Someone who uses the model for work, research, writing, planning, emotional processing,…
There is someone in Norway sitting at their desk, paying $100 a month for Claude. They are also paying for Perplexity, which, as of right now, runs on Claude Sonnet by default and offers Claude Opus as a premium option for its top-tier subscribers. That someone is me. I am writing this post about AI subscription waste while actively being AI subscription waste. You're welcome, this is journalism.…
I asked Siri to add milk to my shopping list last week. She called my ex. Not a contact I've called in three years. Not someone adjacent to milk in any universe I can imagine. Just rang them. Straight up. While I was standing in the kitchen holding an empty oat milk carton like a prop in a hostage video. This is artificial intelligence in 2026. And while I was declining that call with the same…