"Guilt, darling, is very ageing."

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

01—A.
Lately, after writing something I can feel proud of, the immediate feeling that follows is one of emptiness.
Like Ella Frances Sanders—a writer I admire—I, too, get the feeling here and there that my words might have dried up.
“Will I have another story in me?”
The Doubt keeps throwing stones at me.
Despite evidence in a past not so distant—that if I keep showing up to the page and allow the words to come, they almost always surprise me. Sometimes, (I really must remind myself of it when Doubt strikes) it is a simple exercise of getting out of my own head, out of my own way. Step out and step aside. Ange said to me: “Other people clock out of the office at a certain time each day, you must clock out of your head.”
When I do succeed at breaking out of this self-made prison, and take a dive into the wonderful worlds of other writers, something magical happens. Like a sudden breeze on a too-still day, a gust of words, a glorious shower of leaves and petals and new ideas. I hurry to the pen and put them on the page lest they blow right through me, forever lost.
The power of words.
A spoon reaching into the bottom of the heart
stirring what has been laying within
Dormant.
Waiting.
Keep going.

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

***
01—B.
Finally,
it was Satie who
Gymnopédied this wanderer
all the way home, where
Lost words
have laid unclaimed
since I dragged my body back here
and left my heart there
A self
Asunder
***

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

02.
Reading:
A Suit Or A Suitcase, Maggie Smith
This, I read with admiration and envy.
Yesteryear, Caro Claire Burke
80 pages in. So far, so fun. (May suggested we start a book club. I suggested starting with this if we do.)
***

03.
It said to me, like it knows me:

“You’re been trying to get yourself right before you show up. But you can only get yourself right by showing up.”

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

***
04—A.
I was only looking for two things: Face cleanser and shampoo.
Then I found myself looking at four dozen other things.
What did I think was going to happen?
Walk into Sephora
Make a beeline for exactly what I need
Impervious to everything that wants my attention—iron-clad will?
***
04—B.
Things designed to make me
Want, Want, Want.
Need to have them.
Do I have to need them?
***
04—C.
A young girl in her black Sephora uniform and bright Sephora smile approached me. I had been standing in front the "Korean Skincare" shelf squinting over labels. Tiny words, big promises.
“Are you looking for something specific?” I looked up to see a face aglow. Her skin. I couldn't take my eyes off her skin. The girls's lips were moving, but all I could see was collagen. And time—how much she has before her, how much I have behind me. Her skin glows louder than any of the shiny promising words all around me and other hopeful shoppers. Her skin is what we want to walk out of Sephora with.
“I… am,” I remembered. (That was, until I got a-lost in wonderland. Everywhere I looked, another promise. Hope. A different fate.)

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

It's an exhaustive list.
They know. What I think about when I look in the mirror, when I see myself in photos.
They know. All the parts of me where I feel... Not Enough.
It's an exhausting list.
I walked in sure of who I was and what I needed. I walked out sure of doubt. Should I have bought the other one instead? Have I not been cleansing my face correctly all this time? The girl sounded so certain. Should I be double-cleansing with two different products at night and only with water in the morning as she suggested? How could she know what my skin and I really need? We've only just met. And she answers my questions by consulting the product labels. As I had been doing. (Only, she does it quicker without first needing to snap a photo to enlarge the words.)
When I returned home, to sanity and agency, I read more thoroughly the label of the "clean" cleanser I eventually bought. "Parfum (Fragrance)"
Maybe I should have bought the other one instead... with the TFC8. 

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

***
05.
Before I left for my adventure, a friend at Hermès told me that what I was about to embark on is the very embodiment of the house's theme for 2026. She couldn't divulge anything more at the time. Last week, she gave me a copy of the latest edition of Le Monde d'Hermès.
Something ventured. That's the theme. That's the spirit. In one of the stories, I landed on these lines:
"The virgin pages of a notebook on a table become ... a blank space on which to inscribe our own destiny. We hope that over there we'll find a part of ourselves that's ended up stifled by here: we think about leaving. It isn't about running away but answering an inner summons."
I understood it well. I felt well understood.
***
06.
Word I love:
Le dépaysement
How The Art Of French explains it—
"A French word that has no equivalent in English.
It's that feeling you get when you're somewhere completely unfamiliar, a new country, a new language, a new culture. Not homesickness. The opposite, actually. The quiet thrill of being elsewhere.
Le dépaysement, the feeling of being beautifully out of place."
Le dépaysement, my current address.
***
07.
Lately, my friends and I have been saying "I feel so old" a lot.
***
08.
Founder hat (back) on.
***
09.
To remember—words from the women who inspired me this week:

Ethel Kennedy:

“I was never gonna to be beautiful, but I can always be special.”

/

“It’s your choice what you want them to see.”

Bobbi Brown:

“From my first lipstick launch at a department store counter to starting Jones Road during a pandemic, I’ve learned you can’t wait for approval. You just have to trust your instincts, take the leap, and deal with whatever comes next.”

Ina Garten:

“… there was something in between doing it and not doing it. What if I kept moving, but I did it my way?”

/

“I love when changing your behaviour—in this case, how I dressed—changes everything without your saying a word.”

Talia Ryder:

“I think it’s important to remain mysterious.”

Shin Seori*:

“I shall live as I please, and consider this second chance a reward.”

(*The character is fiction, the words can’t be more real for anyone who’s been gifted a second chance at life.)

Diane von Furstenberg:

“Guilt, darling, is very ageing.”

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

***
10—A.
Nora Ephron feels bad about her neck.
I feel bad about my hands (to name but one).
We all have something(s) we must learn,
and learn, and learn,
to accept about ourselves.
***

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

10—B.
W gave me a belated birthday present of a beautiful hand cream from Prada.
Soothing sage-green case. Flat inverted triangle with rounded edges—a nod to the brand's 113-year-old Symbole. Fits snug and pretty into the palm of the hand (like a bar of soap). And at other times, quiet and ready it rests at my bedside and in my bag.
Scent: Iris and vanilla.
Texture: Light, a creamy essence. Shea butter, iris extract, biotin and 2% niacinamide work together to care for these busy, busy multi-tasking hands. Hands I wish I’d treated more kindly. Hands I should have thanked instead of ostracised. Instead of feeling embarrassed of^.
“Is it too late to start?” I wondered as I watched a complicated tale of fine lines and checkered creases on my palms, my knuckles, the back of my wrists, as well as the jagged cuticles soak in the delicate white salve—parched, like cracked soil devouring the rain. I held my own hands afterwards, fingertips assessing the newly pampered skin. It feels better now. I feel better now.
A little love and attention go a long way.
—
^You have prettier hands than me, I say to D. I have u*** hands.
She's the harshest critic of herself, he mutters to himself, theatrically. "I'll never convince her." 

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

***
11.
What would winning mean for you this week?

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

Love,