The last few weeks we’ve been exploring the spiritual practices of blessing - speaking true and beautiful things over the people we love. We started with a Lectio Divina around the story of Jesus blessing the children. Then, we embodied those themes with a Fill-in-the-Blank Blessing for a friend. And this week, we are going to linger with that feeling of intentional fondness a little longer with a candle-lighting side quest (Remember how we said we’d be doing side quests!?)
The practice of lighting candles is part of spiritual traditions all over the world and throughout history. Humans have been lighting little flames and calling them sacred for a very, very long time.
We use those little flames to welcome holy days, remember people we love, mark beginnings and endings, offer prayers, and generally remind ourselves that darkness is not the whole story.
Candle-lighting as a practice became personal for me a few years ago when I was very sick - I was in the midst of a flurry of diagnostic tests and feeling quite anxious, running worst-case-scenarios in my head. As I shared my news, friends and family responded with all of the classic human offers of support (prayer, good vibes, positive thoughts, meals, funny memes, etc). I still remember when my sweet friend Sarah (yes, that Sarah!) promised me that she and her daughter would add me to their candle-lighting practice. This practice started when Sarah’s dad was in chemo and her big old mess of feelings about that made it (understandably!) difficult to form prayers. She started lighting a candle, saying his name and allowing that to be its own sacred connection and plea. Now she and her daughter carry on that tradition as part of their daily spiritual practice. They say the names of folks they are holding in their heart - whether it be out of gratitude, concern, nostalgia, etc - as they look into the flame.
I’m not sure why this touched me so deeply back then. I think it was the fact that it was so embodied - there was a set time and place. There was a promised cadence. It felt absolute when everything around me felt nebulous and precarious. I knew that no matter what the bloodwork said, no matter what the surgery revealed, no matter what my prognosis was…The sun would rise, the sun would set and Sarah and KJ would be lighting a candle and saying my name with love.
And, as Kate Dicamillo says, “There is nothing sweeter in this sad world than the sound of someone you love calling your name.”Naming is a sacred act in many global traditions, including the Jewish tradition and it is closely intertwined with blessing. There is something very powerful to me about the simple act of pushing back the darkness and saying someone’s name with loving-kindness. Let’s join in that sacred tradition this week, trusting what our guy O’Donohue says:
In the light and reverence of blessings, a person or situation becomes illuminated in a completely new way.
You’ll need:
A candle
A safe place to let it burn
(Paid subscribers, Rachel made you a sweet little printable luminary to wrap around your candle!)
Find a quiet moment and take some deep breaths. Light your candle and take a moment to look at the flame dance. Maybe you can use the flame as a tiny physical reminder: I am here. You are here. We are connected.
Bring someone to mind.
Someone you love deeply. Someone who needs a little extra TLC right now. Someone you are missing. Someone you’re celebrating. Someone you’re worried about. Someone you haven’t spoken to in years but who suddenly popped into your head this morning.
Say their name out loud and notice what happens in you as you say it.
In the Hebrew tradition, Naming is sacred - in an of itself an act of blessing. You can let it be so - like Sarah, let the moment of intention carry all that is unspoken inside of you.
But if words do surface, feel free to speak them out loud. Maybe you say things like:
I am grateful for you.
May you be safe.
May you know how deeply you are loved.
May you have what you need.
I miss you.
I’m glad you exist.You might leave it at that, or you might say more names and blessings.
(There is no perfect prayer required here! No theological homework, no need to figure out exactly what you are asking the the divine to do…you are simply bringing someone into the light and allowing your love/concern/gratitude/longing to be present with them for a moment.)
Watch the candle for a few minutes: Notice how the flame wiggles. Notice its warmth. Notice the little circle of light it makes around itself.
Maybe you imagine all the other people around the world who are doing something similar: lighting a flame, saying a name, carrying someone in their heart.
You are part of a very old human practice and there’s something really cozy about that.
When you are done, blow out the candle and let the love remain.
A little side quest for the week: Play around with how it feels to have a candle-lighting practice of your own. Maybe you set a time each day to be intentional with it. Maybe you decide to be more spontaneous and light a candle any time someone pops into your head. See how it feels to have a physical representation of carrying someone in your heart and blessing them with your intention.
If you are one of our many friends who are navigating a painful recovery from spiritual trauma or simply feel like you are wandering a liminal faith space, I hope this practice reminds you - and ALL of your feelings - that you are deeply loved, seen, held and safe. Your body is good and you can trust what it holds. Any version of god that made you feel otherwise is merely a brittle counterfeit that you can feel free to discard in your pursuit of the real deal. We’ll be here, cheering you on.
Paid Subscribers, Rachel has made a printable luminary for your candle lighting practice!
In case you missed it…we recently launched our third curriculum collaboration with Zippee Kids! This 9-week curriculum walks kids through each fruit of the Spirit and is perfect for summer programming! Click here to read more and snag a discount code!
This week paid subscribers get:
✍️🎨 Candle Lighting Practice Luminary Printable
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