The last few weeks we’ve been exploring the spiritual practices of reflection and trust. We started with a Lectio Divina around the story of Sarai and Abraham and their trek toward trust. Then, we embodied those themes with a Walking Examen. And this week, we are going to linger with the examen a little longer with a whimsical mealtime practice: We’re borrowing from my own family tradition with a High/Low/Buffalo side quest. (Remember how we said we’d be doing side quests!?)
The practice of High/Low/Buffalo has a very cute backstory. Years ago, my dear friend Lisa was dating a magical unicorn of a man named Dan (funny! respectful! tall! feminist! tender!) who introduced the game to her as a way they could catch up at the end of their long days: they each shared the high point of their day, the low point and a “buffalo” - something random or surprising that didn’t necessarily fit into either of the previous categories. The game took on a sweeter significance when one day Dan ended with, “and my buffalo was when I asked you to marry me.”
Cute, right?
It gets cuter.
A little while later, at their wedding, they wove high/low/buffalo into their vows, sharing the peaks and valleys of their relationship - the joyful moments, the painful ones, and all of the surprising gifts tucked in between. No relationship is perfect and most of us take a winding, blinding, stumbling path toward our destiny (see: Abraham and Sarai…) but hearing those two lovebirds reflect on their journey with such honesty and clarity was incredibly touching, especially as part of a commitment ceremony.
I was hooked on this sweet practice from the moment I heard about it and our family plays almost every night!
If you’ve had dinner at my house, you know that it is a strange mix of chaotic meltdowns, dance breaks, airings of grievances, spiritual chats and - inevitably - a game of some sort. My kids simply will not put food into their faces without some sort of interactive play (I promise to share more about the games we have in rotation during this month’s Roundup post!) But this week we are setting you up to do your own little mealtime examen practice in the form of this delightful game.
Because really, that’s what examen is all about: looking back with curiosity and noticing where we experienced delight, difficulty, and unexpected moments of grace. And it’s a lovely little reminder of something I know to be true in my bones: spiritual practices and sacred rhythms don’t need to be stuffy, laborious or rigid. You don’t need a PhD or wealth of mental margin to set your family up for encounters with the divine. Family liturgies are often hiding out in the ordinary, the glimmers and giggles. You just need to start looking.
1. Gather ‘round the table.
This practice works best when everyone participates - tiny humans and grown-up humans alike. There are no wrong answers, and nothing has to be particularly profound. (“My high was seeing an ant.” “My low was that my brother had the audacity to breathe near me.” “My buffalo was that a squirrel stole my granola bar.” That all works.)
The goal is simply noticing, connecting and sharing.
2. Share your Highs.
Ask: What was a high point of your day? Where did you experience joy, delight, connection, accomplishment, beauty, or surprise?
(Note: some kids get stuck on the superlative of a singular “best” part…things seem to flow easier if you simply ask what was ONE high point. Or even “what was something that made you smile?”)
In the cadence of examen, this is the moment to look back and notice the gifts that might have otherwise slipped by unnoticed.
Sometimes it’s something big: a celebration, a meaningful conversation, a moment of courage.
Sometimes it’s tiny: a really good snack, a belly laugh, a cool cloud. Both count!
3. Share your Lows.
Ask: What was a low point in your day? Where did things feel hard? Where did you feel frustrated, sad, lonely, overwhelmed, or disappointed?
This isn’t about fixing the low or rushing past it. (In fact, the Examen invites us to practice compassionate attention by noticing where we needed support.)
As we learned last month, the simple act of naming a hard thing is the first step toward feeling less alone in it.
4. Share your Buffaloes.
Ask: What was something surprising, strange, funny, or unexpected about your day?
The buffalo is just a wild card - the thing that doesn’t quite fit into the other categories. Weird little details, unexpected moments, the thing-you-almost-forgot-to-mention.
A buffalo might be:
a conversation with a stranger
a funny thing your kid said
a weird dream you had
a fart (of course, it’s always a fart with my kids.)
The buffalo reminds us that life is delightfully unpredictable and that sometimes the most meaningful moments are the ones we weren’t looking for. *insert fart noise*
5. (Optional) Connect it to the Examen
After everyone has shared, you could pause for a moment and wonder:
Where did you notice love today? or Where do you think God was with you today?
There are times when the answer is obvious, but - as Esther shows us - often it’s not.
Sometimes God shows up in the high, sometimes God meets us in the low, and sometimes God is hiding out in the buffalo. The true gift of examen is the search.
If you are one of our many friends who are navigating a painful recovery from spiritual trauma or simply feel like you are wandering a liminal faith space, I hope this practice reminds you - and ALL of your feelings - that you are deeply loved, seen, held and safe. Your body is good and you can trust what it holds. Any version of god that made you feel otherwise is merely a brittle counterfeit that you can feel free to discard in your pursuit of the real deal. We’ll be here, cheering you on.
Additional Resources:✽ I’ll share more about our dinner games next week, but we borrow a lot from Mia at Playful Parenting!
✽ Did you know that we include a kid-friendly modified Examen in The Book of Belonging? It’s on page 156, as a Mindful Moment after the graphic novel retelling of Esther. The accompanying illustration is one of the more popular pieces in our Art Shop.
✽ Our friend Glenys Nellist recently published the sweetest children’s book called God’s Gentle Care. Rhyming bedtime blessings, farm animals - what could be sweeter!? It would make a great foundation for examen-style moments with your littlest ones. We’ll be sharing more from Glenys later this month!
In case you missed it…we recently launched our third curriculum collaboration with Zippee Kids! This 9-week curriculum walks kids through each fruit of the Spirit and is perfect for summer programming! Click here to read more and snag a discount code!
This week paid subscribers get:
✍️🎨 High Low Buffalo Dinner Table Printable
✨🖼️ High Low Buffalo Phone Background
Print these babies out for you and your friends! Tuck one in your wallet or keep it on the fridge. Write a reward you’ll give yourself after doing this month’s side quest 10 times!
Don’t have a printer? Take a screenshot of a punchcard and save it to your phone’s photo library. You can use the Mark Up tool on the photo to color in feelings as you go and write in your reward.
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