It's okay to rest, friend.

Hello, lovely!

Last week my brain decided to stop working correctly, which isn’t that unusual for me. I couldn’t think straight and my brain was in a hazy fog. I decided to draw something simple and peaceful, and it was a helpful bit of therapy…creating a simple sketch even when my mind was lost somewhere else.

I couldn’t think of the right words for the doodle though. They had deserted me along with my mind.

And each night I struggled with sleep that wouldn’t come. This is also not unusual for me…I involuntarily greet almost every 3am with chronic insomnia. I’m lucky that my writing schedule is so flexible, but it’s still hard…that anxious, frustrated, uneasy tossing as every worry grows enormous and the weight of the world feels so heavy on my chest. I know that midnight worries are illogical monsters and I know I’m not the only one haunted each night, but it always feels so real...so lonely.

So I pulled out my sketch and spent the lonely, small hours pulling the dark around me and putting it on paper, but in a way that might feel comforting rather than dreadful. When my hand cramped I took breaks to walk in the people-less moonlight of my neighborhood. I laid in my yard and watched the halo around the full strawberry moon and tried to capture it on paper. I walked until I saw deer sleeping in an empty lot and a possum looking for snacks (who I may have lured to my house with breadcrumbs but don’t tell Victor). And after many hours I finished and propped the little sketch up on my nightstand as I finally fell asleep.

And then I found my words.

“It’s okay to rest.”

It is, you know. It’s okay when your brain goes away for a little. It’s okay to rest when you are tired. It’s okay to give up on sleep and explore the night. It’s okay to not be okay.

It will be brighter in the morning.

It always is.

Love and moonlight,

~me