Oh, It's Even Plastic.

If you're reading this and you hate relationship people, you're at the right place. I made us proud today.

My name is Amara, and I can assure you that nobody out-hates them more than I do.

I'm a very unproblematic person. I love minding my business, but they don’t let me. Always flaunting their gifts and almost blinding me with them. That’s why I even put on my status today: “Don’t let your Valentine’s gift touch me.”

Please, enough. I’m loved at home.

One thing about them that pisses me off is their entitlement. Today is a day to celebrate love, I understand, but does it only encompass romantic love? No. But they’ve colonized it. That’s why I don’t like them.

Whoever coined the term “Single people have anger issues” didn’t lie. Since I was on the queue at the tap downstairs, the only thing on my mind was anger. What we call “Up and vexful", that was my situation.

Three girls just came down to pick up packages from dispatch riders. This one got cupcakes. Ordinary cupcakes with tiny frosting. The red isn’t even red like that. It looks like the baker ran out of colouring. Maybe the girl even ordered it herself to pepper us. Maybe she even borrowed to buy it.

Let me deviate a bit. I was on TikTok the other day and saw this lady running an ad. She was renting money bouquets and hot air balloon treat boxes. WHAT? Is it now that bad? Five thousand naira for one hour. I laughed out loud. Wonders will indeed never end.

Back to my story.

It finally got to my turn, and I filled up my bucket and left without telling the guy who permitted me to fetch thank you. I always say thank you. Trust me, it wasn’t deliberate. It’s the fault of you know who (lovers).

As I was heading to the entrance, I saw a girl who had come to pick her package climbing back up. I was tired and hangry, that's hungry plus angry. The weight of the bucket made everything worse, plus the banging headache.

Now, don’t ask me why I carried it on my head knowing fully well that I had a headache. You’ll find out soon.

I hadn’t eaten the night before because I was busy thinking of a way to wicked one relationship person. Actually there was no light, my torch, phone, and everything was down, my gas had finished and I was too shy to beg. I just snacked on dry golden morn.

I started walking slowly, waiting for her to get to the door before me. When she was almost there, I rushed in too, and in the course of that, her rubbish, scanty money bouquet touched me. The moment I had been waiting for. God finally delivered the Philistines into my hands. And I had already posted my warning, so nobody can say I didn’t warn everybody. I made it public. I then tripped and fell. The water from the bucket splashed on us, soaking her money bouquet and her jeans.

AMARA 1 : 0 LOVERS.

I immediately started apologizing. I told her I couldn’t see properly without my glasses and that I was sorry. As I was doing that, I noticed something. The flower in her money bouquet wasn’t even real.

IT WAS PLASTIC! Mama G, you need to see this.

Well, the entire bouquet wasn’t drenched, so she could still dry it. Other people who heard her shout came and even apologized on my behalf, telling her the damage wasn’t much. My baby face also helped. Please, don't try this at home. Honestly, I was relieved because if she had made me pay for it… where would I have started from? God knows my heart, and my budget.