HIGH VELOCITY HOOT from Universal Foolishness: Original News Cartoons as short-form podcasts. Dump you old Think Tank and wade into these guilt-free waters with Tio Otis - finishing off political correctness for a grateful nation. Slower listeners keep right>>>>
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It was Gain of Fauci the whole time! The little shrimp was busy working the back side just to meet girls and get a new beach house! But now he’s been caught with his little Fauci pants down! They wanted to try him as an adult, but the consigliere screamed, “PARDON” after sleepy Joe gave the little bugger a hall pass out of the wet market.” The Fauci squeeze play may have fooled the wife of the…
New York city’s new experimental Mayor, Zorro is already learning the hard lessons of socialism. Finding out you can’t be both moisture-wicking and self-absorbed at the same time or you’ll just dry up! That’s right. It’s already happening to Mayor Zorro. His city is running out of cash! He needs other people’s money and fast. “Where do I get more of this,” thought the young prince. That’s when…
What would be different right now if Kamala had won? Lower your expectations for a second and use your imagination. Try to imagine President Kamala, a free-lance thinker with no active ingredients, having control of your wallet, your thermostat, your kids, and your menu. Kamala likes keeping fear alive and watching the denutification of America. If the lady in the pant suit had won, you’d be…
Remember the War on Women? Is that still a thing? Do women still go off to finishing school? What goes on there? Let’s say your name is still Debbie and you’re still developmentally optimistic, then you’ve probably missed the short squeeze altogether. And that’s good. Bring Your Wife to Work Day is only once a year, so honey, when opportunity knocks, don’t complain about the noise! Get after it.…
Why is it that some still need to take their shoes off on an airplane ride? It’s just wrong. Still or sparkling, that’s gotta hurt. The guy next to you will never order another chicken fried steak again after seeing your airplane feet all fileted out in the walkway. It’s just too triggering! Looking at those hooves you walk around on, all laid out in the middle of the aisle like that, could give…
Your Uncle Otis is back with a real Southern apology for China, since they may not have one of those yet. And until you’ve had a good southern apology, honey you don’t know sorry. So here goes. China, here in the South, we kinda stole YOUR intellectual property too!! That’s right, we stole you blind on Chinese Checkers. Here’s the way it works: if you’re not smart enough to pay Chess, then you…
Today we’re bringing in the Count of Monty Crypto to help explain the US economy in a way even Jasmine can understand it. Step one, if you want to save big money, don’t buy anything. Next: Hide your stuff! Go out in the backyard, dig a hole and put your stuff down there, then cover it up. If the Zohan people can’t find it, they can’t tax it or give it to the aliens. Then, don’t buy anything that…
Big Bad Bunny is now hiring. He’s about to do the half time SuperBowl show and still needs a few good men to hold up his scarf for the big game. It’s a ballsey move, but since Super Bowl is copyrighted, we’re not allowed to talk about what a dumb NFL idea this really is. They just need you to lower your expectations for game day and accept Mr. Bunny for who he or they really is. Just give him a…
At night when Jasmine Crockett lies there waiting for the sandman to come take her away, she likes to dream of how important she’s gonna feel once we make her a US Senator from Texas. Commander Otis here - back on Crockett Watch where we’ve brought in Oppo the research loving clown to find out what makes Ms. Crockett so entertaining. What is it Oppo? Why so sad? Awwww, is it because Jasmine’s…
You’ve landed on the Jasmine Report – the weekly national tracker that chronicles the latest bull corn leaking out of Jasmine’s campaign for Senate. Now sometimes Jasmine’s mind plays tricks on her when she dreams of winning the rural vote. “Should I go campaign at the Cracker Barrel or the Waffle House,” thought Jasmine. I wouldn’t get too worked up with that one honey. You’ve got a lot more…
