Finding Your Flattering

I am not professing to be some kind of fashion guru. I’ve pretty much robbed all I know from magazines, Pinterest, Instagram and from a long time ago when we had TV makeover programmes, like ‘What Not To Wear’. I follow inspirational folk on here too, Anna Cascarina, Lindsay Sword, The Wardrobe Edit and Scandi Delights to mention a few.

I have learned most from simply getting older. The wisdom gathered from years of trial and error. The utter joy of aging.

I love a list. Writing something in list form can feel freer and easier to write because you’re not trying to link one idea to another. It’s just ‘here are my thoughts’ you can pick out the ones that resonate with you and ignore the rest. So here are a just some things I have learned about how to dress to look your best.

I want to say at this point that dressing to flatter, wanting to look good is not vanity. Taking care of your appearance is, for me anyway, about taking care of yourself and we’re all into self-care these days aren’t we?

So, here goes…

1. We should all be aiming for ‘effortless’ but this may well may require an effortful approach. A lot of trying on and experimenting. You may say ‘oh I have no idea what suits me’, but I think you do. You do know when something feels good. Trust that feeling.

2. If you’re feeling too big, it is tempting to hide in bagginess, to wear a huge sack. I have done this so I do understand it, but what I have learned is that you will simply look bigger than you actually are. I agree with India Knight, extremely baggy is best for the skinny, not bigger gals. As she says here,

‘Huge dresses - huge anything - aren’t made for fat people. They’re made to accentuate the thinness of thin people, by contrasting the acres of fabric with a thin body.’

Go loose if you like but keep some shape somewhere - at the bust, waist or hips.

3. If you want to look slimmer (fair to say I think most of us, unless already very skinny want to) then think of the part of you that is the slenderest (more on this in point 13). If you’ve got a big tummy but a pert dainty arse and slim legs, then don’t for heaven’s sake cover up your tiny bottom and slender limbs, try a loose-fitting top, possibly flaring from the bust, that ends at the top of the hips. .

4. Same with jamming yourself into things that are too tight. It will make you look bigger, fitted as opposed to tight is always going to look better, whatever your size.

5. Ignore the size number, there is such a huge variance in actual garment size. If you really can’t bear the idea of an XL hanging in your wardrobe, cut the label out.

6. Safe to say tight will also mean uncomfortable, so if you’re wearing something that feels constrictive you will be wriggling around, pulling things down and straightening things out. You’re not going to look good or confident or feel either of those things, so bin everything that is too tight. Clothes need to fit well to look good, so that’s skimming the body, not clenching it in.

7. If you keep feeling the need to pull down a short skirt, then it’s too short for you. Not too short in general; too short for you, for your comfort. If you’re completely at ease wearing a fanny pelmet, go for it i.e. if your bottom is akin to that of Kylie Minogue in her gold shorts.

8. A word on shapewear. Shapewear is good for providing a smooth line but don’t wear it in an attempt to shrink in size, that won’t work because of the comfort thing.

9. Declutter your wardrobe often. I am less diligent on this than I used to be and I’m suffering as a result. It’s always a good idea to start small, tackle just a small section of your wardrobe, say tops or jeans and ask yourself ‘do I feel good when I’m wearing this?’ If the answer isn’t an emphatic yes, it really should go. This is hard.

10. When adding to your wardrobe use Kat Farmer’s Rule of Three, from her book Get Changed. Three occasions where an item will work. Three outfits that you already own where said item will fit.

11. Look at the clothes you love and try to understand why you do. I’ve learned the styles that suit me. I love long maxi skirts (alas I have a varicose vein, so great for hiding that) and worn with a fitted top suits me better. I wear high-waisted jeans because whilst I am tall, I am long bodied, so my legs need elongating, to lessen the long torso. I am pear shaped (as my late mother-in-law kindly referred to as ‘heavy hipped’ - I know!) so I usually go for lighter tops to bottoms or one solid colour.

12. I can be guilty of getting a bit too matchy matchy and adhering rather too strictly to rules of colours that don’t belong together, to the point that if I’m at home and feeling a bit chilly and need to grab a cardi, it has to be in a colour that goes with what I’m wearing, even if I’m just slumped in front of the TV. Mad. I have started bending these rules of late, putting brown with navy… yes I know, daring.

13. We all have bits we know are our best bits. Yes, it might just be a slender wrist or ankle, or a long neck. Maybe it’s your hair or your hands, perhaps you have great nails… there will be something. Whatever it is, draw attention to this area with either jewellery, scarves, shoes or belts.

14. Proportions, and balancing them, are important. A long-flared skirt needs a simple fitted top. Likewise barrel shaped trousers will not be enhanced by a big baggy jummy. The other way round, if you’re a bit top heavy, make sure your bottom half is more fitted.

15. I mentioned in my post on waistcoats that a line down the centre of the body is flattering. A jacket, a cardigan, a long slim waistcoat or something knitted and sleeveless in a dark colour worn over something lighter will work well. An extreme version of how ‘dark on the outside with light in the middle’ can flatter, is the Stella McCartney Octavia miracle dress, famously worn by Kate Winslet.

16. Clothes for high summer. If you’re British don’t spend too much on them, as you’ll only wear them a handful of times and that will be when you’re abroad somewhere hot. If you can’t resist splashing out on something skimpy make sure it can be layered. (I’m about to be proved wrong here as I’m writing this on the cusp of a scorchio Bank Holiday weekend in the UK.)

17. Learn what suits you. You do know. You may have to try on a lot of things to find out, but as you get to know what works you will save a lot of time; example, big busted gals should not waste fitting room energy trying on something with a high round neck.

18. Use accessories to draw attention away from areas you don’t like. Wide hips draw attention up. Wide middle attention up and down. Wide shoulders, draw down to middle.

19. Find someone either a celebrity or someone you know personally whose style you admire and try to establish what is the essence of that style. Is it classic, is it bright colours, is it fitted, baggy, smart or casual. Can you work out why you like it? Do they just wear nice tops?

20. If you feel good in what you are wearing – you will look good. So, if you suffer with getting scrubbed up for special occasions, try to find a smarter version of what you feel best in. If your happy place is jogging pants and a T-shirt, the jogging pants could be ramped up by a jersey trouser paired with a T-shirt in a more glamorous, silky fabric. A jacket will uplift anything, chose an informal fabric like linen or jersey and you’ll still feel like you.

I’m going to stop now, as I while I was sitting here quietly bashing out this post on my trusty iMac desktop, DPD arrived and I’ve just had to scamper downstairs to take delivery of a shiny new MacBook. So, I’m anticipating the unbridled joy of opening a new Apple product (oh the elegant packaging!) plus I am desperate to play with the contents, though the sun is shining and the outside beckons. So I’m off.

Hope this was of some use. Thanks for reading.

PS. Sorry no Kitchen Disco Record of the Week this week - will double up next time. Oh and if you liked this post in any small way, you know what to do. Click on the little ❤️ button below. Thanks so much.