you are the seed, but also the gardener

We all start there. We are all simply a seed. Before we knew who we were going to become, someone else was taking care of the garden.

Our parents were our first gardeners. They chose the soil, gave us water, protected us from the weather, taught us how to stand, and tried, in their own way, to help us grow. But every gardener has their own way of gardening. Some are gentle. Some are impatient. Some know exactly what they're doing, while others are simply figuring it out as they go. Some accidentally step on the flowers they're trying to grow. And none of that changes the fact that you were always a seed with your own potential.

“If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive.” - Audre Lorde

Your parents gave you certain beliefs, habits, fears, values, expectations, ways of loving, and ways of communicating. Some things they planted intentionally. Some things they planted without even realizing it. And some weeds simply grew because nobody knew they were there.

That's the thing about growing up: eventually, the garden becomes yours. At some point, you have to take matters into your own hands. You are not just the plant anymore. You are also the gardener.

Taking care of yourself shouldn't feel like another chore on an endless list of things you have to do. It should be something that pushes you forward. Not necessarily toward becoming bigger, more successful, or more impressive, but toward becoming better for yourself.

You start learning what your garden actually needs. Maybe you need more sunlight. Maybe you need boundaries. Maybe you need rest. Maybe you need to cut away something that's been suffocating you. Maybe you need to stop comparing your garden to someone else's. Because choosing what gets to grow in your garden matters just as much as taking care of what is already there.

Your garden is your life. The people you let into it. The connections you allow to stay. The habits you keep watering. The things you continue giving your energy to. Even the things you thought you had left behind can sometimes remain in the soil, quietly affecting everything that grows afterward.

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation.” - Audre Lorde

Never neglect who you are just because you're still figuring out who you want to become. You were raised by people who only knew what they knew. They gave you what they could with the understanding, experience, and tools they had at the time.

Now you know yourself. You know your own soul. You know what inspires you. You know what makes you feel alive. You know the dreams that keep coming back to you. And sometimes, growing up means learning to see things differently from the people who raised you.

It means realizing, I'm not just the plant anymore. I'm also the gardener. You can't keep waiting for someone else to water you. You can't spend your entire adulthood blaming the first gardener for every dry leaf. You can acknowledge what happened. You can recognize what was missing. You can even grieve the parts of your childhood that needed more care.

Eventually, you have to pick up the watering can yourself. You start giving yourself the things you might not have received enough of growing up. Patience. Gentleness. Understanding. Encouragement. Forgiveness.

“The truest direction comes from inside.” - Audre Lorde

We understand that a plant can't bloom every day. We don't pull it out of the soil because it hasn't grown overnight. We don't call it a failure because it needs another season. Maybe growing up also means learning to garden yourself with the same patience you'd give something you're genuinely trying to keep alive.

You need to have patience with time. Not everything has to bloom immediately. Not every season is meant for blooming. Sometimes you're growing roots, and nobody can even see it.

We're all a work in progress. Growth isn't always about adding something. Sometimes, it's about removing. Old beliefs. People. Habits. Expectations. Versions of yourself you've already outgrown.

Pruning can hurt. Cutting something away from your life doesn't always feel like growth while you're doing it. But not everything you cut away is something you failed to keep. Sometimes, it's simply something you finally realized was preventing you from growing.

Even after becoming the gardener, you are still the plant you're caring for. You still need rest. You still need love. You still have seasons where nothing seems to be happening. Being responsible for yourself doesn't mean you have to become harsh with yourself. It means learning to look at yourself. Because you were the seed.

“Change means growth, and growth can be painful.” - Audre Lorde

Your parents were your first gardeners. They did what they knew and what they could've done. But eventually, the garden becomes yours. And the rest of your life is learning how to tend to what grew there, deciding what stays, what goes, what needs more care, and what you're finally ready to let bloom.

It's your job to grow up. It's your job to watch over the seed you were given and nourish the garden it's living in. There is so much still waiting to grow out of you, so much to learn about yourself, and so much left to discover. Keep growing, keep discovering, and keep helping yourself along the way.

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