The Time I Worked At Lululemon For a Day and Then Manifested My Way Out of It

sorry this is blurry, it’s from June 5, 2011!

Once upon a time, I was living in Chicago with Chris and our best friend, Harlow. Harlow was our young Vizsla pup and he simply did not approve of me crating him (or cubicling myself) for ten hours a day while I worked a boring ass corporate job we both knew I hated. Thus, he insisted I find a different way to make ends meet. It was the least I could do for him (us.)

When I saw that Lululemon was hiring, mind you this was 2012 ish, (peak Lulu era) I submitted an application immediately. It was rumored Lululemon helped employees pay for workout classes— dreamy classes like SoulCycle and pilates! Can you imagine?! I had never cycled and would soon find out I loathed cycling as it was not actually in my soul as promised, but for a brief moment, I was sure I’d enjoy bouncing up and down on a stationary bike in a dark room with loud music pulsing throughout. All the cool Chicago women did it.

And did I mention the employee discount? I owned one pair of charcoal grey capri pants from Lulu and one striped halter top, both gifts from my mom, both out of season and slightly odd fitting as they came from the sale rack but that did not matter. I had a few Lulu pieces and I wanted more! This was my way, I was sure of it.

Much to my surprise, I got an interview. In 2012, I was not getting a lot of call backs if you catch my drift. The only people consistently asking me to work for them was GreenPeace and I wasn’t quite ready to stop people on Michigan Avenue and ask for donations (but that would come, although for something different.)

For my Chicago girlies, the store I was interviewing for was the Gold Coast location, for my non-Chicago girlies, this translates to FANCY AS SHIT. The Gold Coast was not something I frequented at this time, (except to work one day at Tory Burch, but again, more on this one later) however I dreamed of shopping in such an area. It was where the rich celebs of Chicago hung out, or that’s what I heard. The closest I got was Nordstrom Rack a few blocks away.

For my interview, I was told to dress in leisure wear. Naturally, I wore my one Lululemon outfit I owned. If I got to a second interview, I’d have to get creative. I don’t remember much of the interview except that it was pretty boring and chilly inside the back room at the store, but I was sure I’d nailed it. (I can be very good at interviews. As long as the questions aren’t hard like the one interview I had with Zocdoc that still haunts me.) How was I supposed to know what ROI meant at age twenty four?! I was an English major!!

A few days later, I was told I got the job at Lululemon. (I always loved the thrill of a new job. Until I had to go to said job, then I was usually pretty bummed.) But this felt different. This felt like a chance to make friends! Granted one of the employees at the store named Hannah told me, “I like to drink a lot of water because I always think about what water does for plants. Does that make sense?” I’ve never forgotten this and the way I had zero fucking clue in that moment, and still today, how a normal person might respond to a question like that. So I just nodded and said, “I like your hoody.”

Before my first official day of work, I already began signing up for workout classes using the Lulu discount. Workout classes had never been in my budget before, but ever since Miley Cyrus talked about pilates, I had been dying to try it. I signed up for a drop-in class at a studio that was a few blocks from our apartment and rode my happy ass there the following morning on my Schwinn bike. The studio was small and beautiful, smelling of lavender and newly divorced wealthy women. I never really enjoyed group classes, but this was different. I got to lay on my little reformer board and talk to no one and keep totally to myself in my own space, and I loved every second of it. The class was challenging, but it didn’t require jumping, sweating, or shouting woo— three things I didn’t enjoy doing in public without first having a few drinks.

As soon as I got my first Lululemon paycheck, I was going to buy a class package. I was sure of it!

My first day of work was a group onboarding of sorts. I wore my same interview outfit, but planned to buy more options with my new discount, baby. The other hirees looked a lot like me— early to mid twenties, slightly confused, all foaming at the mouth for a Lululemon discount. We started by learning about the brand’s Goddess or something, they called her “Ocean.”

“We call all our female mannequins, Ocean. She embodies the brand, isn’t she beautiful?” Employee Hannah, or someone who looked nearly identical to Employee Hannah said to the group.

“I think she’s thirsty, maybe water helps her too,” I muttered to myself but I felt like Hannah could still hear me because I swear I sensed a glare.

“She represents a 32 year old professional working woman who prioritizes travel and a hour and half daily workout.”

Jesus and an hour and a half? Every day? What if Ocean is hungover? Or traveling? Or has to work at Lululemon? My normal “I’m not sure if I’m meant to be here” unease began to creep up. Focus on the cute pullovers, Taylor. Do you want a Lululemon pullover or not? I did, I so did. And I knew this was the best chance I had at getting one so I pushed my unease down for the time being.

Luckily for me, this was also the time we were told we got to walk across the street to Starbucks for “a fun visualization activity.” When I say was fucking stoked for this part, I mean I was FUCKING STOKED. Going to Starbucks in my twenties during my little breaks from my other shitty jobs was the only way I could keep my head above water. I’d scurry out the very second I was freed from my crate, hustle to the closet coffee shop I could find, and just start writing my little heart away until I was beckoned back by the man. These little reprieves were the only way I could get through my otherwise monotonous soul sucking corporate days. And now I got to do it on my first day of “training” at Lulu? Oh hells yes. Little did I know, the next thirty minutes would change the course of … everything? (Thanks again for the visualization activity, Lululemon, it clearly made an impact of me.)

And now I worry I’ve done it again— carried on and on because it has felt so good to just write for the fun and joy again without placing so much unnecessary pressure on myself. (Are there emojis on substack? Because I need the happy tears streaming emoji here.)

If you want to read part two, please come back. This is not click bait, or come-back-bait, it’s me losing track of time and now I have to go pick up my girls. (I’m losing track of time when I write again!!! Ahh, the joy is back! It’s back!)

Subscribe, share, like me, whatever. Until next time, we’re all gonna make it.

Tay

*again, sorry for any grammatical errors you see that I missed. I’m just letting the words flow for a bit because I’m indulging. :)