Friendships and the Empty Nest season

Kinda crazy! I’m in Argentina!

More on that in Sunday’s update. For now, I’m happy to be wearing this new jacket (size up if you want to wear a layer underneath it) I picked up on the Nordstrom Anniversary sale. It’s winter in the Southern Hemisphere! My new crossbody is a winner too.

A conversation earlier this week prompted the sweetfringebenefit below. It’s a process.

Nanette

Each week I find the good, the sweet in a moment or season that is hard, challenging, nasty or difficult.

A friend of mine stopped by the other day. Well, she’s a friend, but also a women’s ministering leader at my church.

She delivered some warm cookies for my birthday and a sweet greeting. She made a comment that has sort of haunted me, or rather, I can’t stop reflecting upon.

I think there’s some truth to it that I probably don’t like. But it’s also given me pause as that is NOT how I want people to think of me.

Before leaving, she said,

“I know you have your people, but if you need anything, give me a call.”

She may have just been passing along niceties, but I said,

“Oh I really don’t. I spend quite a bit of time alone.”

She was surprised. And I guess I was too.

Friendships look different at 62 years old. Many of my closest friends I rarely get to see face to face.

So many have moved away. Retirement, missionary service, relocating to live near kids, and divorce.

And then there are others whose seasons are different than mine. We no longer have ballgames to attend or cheer competition trips to plan. And it takes a special invite to get together.

The very next day I did just that. A friend that lives local asked for help. She came to me and another friend who, in the past, had been “her people” on a regular basis.

We sat chatting and brainstorming her upcoming wedding. And getting distracted catching up with our own lives and families. Their children are still special to me. I watched them grow up.

I was struck by how much familiarity the evening brought. Each of us has changed. And yet friendship and love has not.

So yes, I suppose I have “my people”, even when it’s not a daily or weekly or even monthly thing.

But how do you fill the day to day when “your people” don’t line up with your life anymore?

In the 5 years I’ve been writing Sweetfringebenefits, friendship is a topic that comes up often as one of the biggest challenges during this season. How to make new friends and keep old ones. I must admit, I’ve asked myself the same questions.

But if I have one bit of advice, it’s that friendship needs to be intentional. And, it doesn’t happen overnight. If you’re looking for your “new people”, might I suggest getting involved somewhere: a job, a church, an exercise class, a volunteer organization. Offer help, and ask for help. Find a common interest or hobby, and then extend a hand of friendship “can you go with me to pick out a new paint set” (or whatever your common interest is), and then offer to treat for lunch afterwards.

In my experience, people are more willing to offer help than to ask for help themselves. So be the one that asks for help!

The “keeping old friends” bit still takes time AND requires allowances for them to be in a new season that may be different than you. I think this can be the hardest part. For me at least. I tend to want things to be like they were. And that’s the only way that friendship can exist is the “old” way. And there may be some that can’t make that shift, and well, even though it hurts, we need to be ok with that. Its not personal, its situational.

I’ve reflected quite a bit this week on friendships during this season of life. I have some amazing friends that I’ve “collected” over the years. And while some just aren’t in my life anymore, I am still grateful for the experiences and time I had with them.

One thought I keep having…if I knew I would never make another friend or find “new people” how would I feel? Truthfully? I don’t like that thought. It’s like saying that at 62 years old I’ve learned enough, experienced enough, that I’m good. And I’m not!

So, while time is a finite principal, friendship is not. Even if it’s a passing friendship or a short term one, there is room. And arriving at that conclusion is my Sweetfringebenfit this week. Maybe your answer will be different. You decide! And once you do, be intentional!

I do make a small commission (called affiliate commission) if you make a purchase through my links at no additional cost. The brand pays for it, think of it as coming out of their marketing budget.

This week I thought I’d highlight a few new collections: one from Loft, and one from Belk. Both pretty affordable and wearable right now!

You’re getting a sneak peek at these new tops! From Belk, they are a great quality and all under $40. I’m wearing a cuffed denim also from Belk at a price you’ll love. They’re true to size; I’m seeing this trend still going strong in to fall!

Also, note what sizes I am wearing. Guys, never let a size dictate your worth! Sizing is crazy, just get what fits.

Links and details below:

Left: Ecru denim top (medium) | leather tote | cute comfy flats

Center: Printed flutter sleeve top (small)

Right: Knit smocked top (large)

New arrivals from LOFT have to be called out! It’s always a top selling brand with my friends because of the price point and styles.

Left: Bandana print jeans (this trend is still going strong in to fall too) 29 regular | short sleeve cardigan

Center: Short sleeve denim jacket with stretch (medium petite) | Cap sleeve knit dress (medium petite)

Right: Denim shirt jacket with stretch (medium) | ponte knit patch pocket pants (8 petite)

Just as a reminder, LTK is the best way for you to browse my outfits with shoppable links. Get the free app and follow me here.

Have a great weekend and I’ll check in Sunday afternoon. I might move this midweek substack to Thursday…so check your emails!

Nanette

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