This week I bring you a play instead of a poem or an essay. Do enjoy!
Also, if you want me to read it in 2 voices with a narrator, drop a comment. I’ll see what I can do!
A scene for Betty, The Hermitess, three cups of tea, one ladder, and an unreasonable number of spiders.
Characters
BETTY, who believes in signs, snacks, and decisive action.
THE HERMITESS, who believes most decisive action should be postponed until after tea or indefinitely.
A THIRD CUP, waiting for someone who has not arrived.
SPIDERS, uninvited, industrious, and politically ambiguous.
A room belonging, as far as anyone can tell, to The Hermitess. A ladder leans against one wall. A tea set for three floats nearby. There is nowhere to sit.
BETTY:
Why is there a ladder in the room?
THE HERMITESS:
Why is there a room around the ladder?
BETTY:
This is why people stop inviting you places.
THE HERMITESS:
Silence is not a virtue, Betty, but occasionally it is a public service.
BETTY:
Groovy.
THE HERMITESS:
Do not say “groovy” in that tone.
BETTY:
What tone?
THE HERMITESS:
The tone of a woman pretending not to be irritated because she has been told irritation is unbecoming.
BETTY:
I am not pretending. I am unapologetically irritated.
THE HERMITESS:
Better.
They look at the tea set.
BETTY:
Why are there three cups?
THE HERMITESS:
One for you. One for me. One for possibility.
Betty removes a biscuit from her pocket and eats it.
THE HERMITESS:
You brought your own provisions?
BETTY:
You provided tea without anywhere to sit. I planned accordingly.
THE HERMITESS:
Hunger is one of the body’s least ambiguous opinions.
BETTY:
Mine asked for a biscuit.
THE HERMITESS:
And was satisfied?
BETTY:
There are crumbs. We can call that closure.
Betty brushes the crumbs.
BETTY:
Possibility never washes up.
THE HERMITESS:
Possibility has poor domestic training.
BETTY:
Possibility has clearly mistaken confidence for a housekeeping system.
A spider descends from the ceiling.
BETTY:
Stop.
THE HERMITESS:
I have stopped.
BETTY:
I was speaking to the spider.
THE HERMITESS:
The spider has no intention of taking instructions from you.
BETTY:
That spider lives in your house. You direct it!
THE HERMITESS:
Does it? No, it lives.
BETTY:
Do not.
THE HERMITESS:
I am only asking whether ownership is a legal condition, an emotional condition, or a story we tell so we can sleep at night.
BETTY:
In a nutshell, you pay the mortgage. The spider does not.
THE HERMITESS:
The spider contributes through authentic sharing.
BETTY:
Of what?
THE HERMITESS:
Webs. Fear. Architectural tension.
BETTY:
Or just eight legs and a bad attitude.
THE HERMITESS:
Bad attitudes have not prevented men from being celebrated.
The spider climbs back toward the ceiling.
Elsewhere, another spider leaves its web.
BETTY:
Fine. It can stay in its corner.
THE HERMITESS:
A woman’s proper place is where she wants to be.
BETTY:
We were talking about the spider.
THE HERMITESS:
The principle remains sound.
BETTY:
You cannot apply feminism to every creature in the room.
THE HERMITESS:
Why not?
BETTY:
Because eventually you will give the teapot bodily autonomy.
THE HERMITESS:
The teapot has already declined to pour.
BETTY:
Because we are sitting on the floor.
THE HERMITESS:
We are not sitting.
BETTY:
Exactly. There is nowhere to sit.
THE HERMITESS:
Rest is not always horizontal.
BETTY:
That sounds like something embroidered on a pillow no one is allowed to use.
THE HERMITESS:
Breathe.
BETTY:
Do not tell me to breathe.
THE HERMITESS:
Everyone says that until they stop.
BETTY:
I am breathing perfectly well.
THE HERMITESS:
You are breathing competitively.
BETTY:
There is no such thing.
THE HERMITESS:
You have turned oxygen into an achievement.
BETTY:
Women have had to turn everything into an achievement. Breathing. Working. Mothering. Not mothering. Aging. Leaving. Staying. Speaking. Staying silent. Reinventing.
THE HERMITESS:
Silence is not a virtue.
BETTY:
You already said that.
THE HERMITESS:
Some things require repeating.
BETTY:
And some things require stopping.
THE HERMITESS:
Stop, then.
BETTY:
I cannot stop merely because you say stop.
THE HERMITESS:
Now you understand the spider.
Betty stares at her.
Two spiders exchange corners. No permission is requested.
BETTY:
I dislike you.
THE HERMITESS:
Good. I was beginning to worry that I pleased everyone.
BETTY:
That is not permission to become unbearable.
THE HERMITESS:
Nor does that prohibit becoming unbearable.
They each take a cup of tea. The third remains untouched.
BETTY:
Do you think any of this is going to be OK?
THE HERMITESS:
No.
BETTY:
That was quick.
THE HERMITESS:
I think “It’s Going to be OK” is often used to quiet women before they have finished explaining what is wrong.
BETTY:
Sometimes people need hope.
THE HERMITESS:
Sometimes people need witnesses.
BETTY:
Sometimes they need both.
THE HERMITESS:
Possibly.
BETTY:
Did we just agree?
THE HERMITESS:
Do not become excitable.
BETTY:
I believe in Yes To Adventure.
THE HERMITESS:
I believe adventure has been overmarketed.
BETTY:
Of course you do.
THE HERMITESS:
Women are always being encouraged to leap, climb, begin again, find their Wild Soul, cross oceans, start businesses, and wear linen in difficult weather.
BETTY:
What is wrong with linen?
THE HERMITESS:
It wrinkles under expectation.
BETTY:
Perhaps the Wild Soul enjoys wrinkles.
THE HERMITESS:
Perhaps the Wild Soul would like to cancel plans.
BETTY:
That is not wild.
THE HERMITESS:
For a woman trained to be endlessly available, rest can be revolutionary.
BETTY:
And for a woman trained to remain small, adventure can be revolutionary.
THE HERMITESS:
Now you are making sense, which is inconvenient.
BETTY:
Admit mistakes.
THE HERMITESS:
I have made none.
BETTY:
You set tea for three in a room with no chairs.
THE HERMITESS:
That was deliberate.
BETTY:
The ladder does not appear to lead anywhere.
THE HERMITESS:
Symbolism.
BETTY:
There are spiders in every corner.
THE HERMITESS:
Atmosphere.
BETTY:
One is in the sugar bowl.
THE HERMITESS:
That may have been an error.
BETTY:
Thank you.
THE HERMITESS:
A small error.
BETTY:
A spider-sized error.
THE HERMITESS:
Precisely.
Betty approaches the ladder, swiping threads of web from her face.
BETTY:
What is at the top?
THE HERMITESS:
The top.
BETTY:
You are impossible.
THE HERMITESS:
Good storytelling does not reveal everything at once.
BETTY:
Good storytelling should reveal whether the ladder is safe.
THE HERMITESS:
That would reduce tension.
BETTY:
It would reduce medical expenses.
THE HERMITESS:
You lack faith in the narrative.
BETTY:
I have faith in gravity.
THE HERMITESS:
Gravity has been enforcing hierarchy for centuries.
BETTY:
Gravity is not patriarchal.
THE HERMITESS:
Everything that insists women remain down deserves examination.
BETTY:
That is both ridiculous and compelling.
THE HERMITESS:
Thank you.
BETTY:
It was not entirely a compliment.
THE HERMITESS:
I took what I needed.
Betty places one foot on the ladder.
THE HERMITESS:
Stop.
BETTY:
I thought you believed a woman’s proper place was wherever she wanted to be.
THE HERMITESS:
I do.
BETTY:
I want to be at the top of the ladder.
THE HERMITESS:
I want you to examine why.
BETTY:
Because.
THE HERMITESS:
That is how men justify mistakes and terrible acquisitions.
BETTY:
I am not acquiring the ladder.
THE HERMITESS:
You have barely met the ladder.
BETTY:
I do not need a long engagement.
THE HERMITESS:
You might ask what it wants from you.
BETTY:
It is a ladder.
THE HERMITESS:
That is what it wants you to think.
Betty steps down.
A spider crosses the ladder without climbing it.
BETTY:
Maybe I do not want the top.
THE HERMITESS:
Maybe you want the climb.
BETTY:
Maybe I want somewhere to sit.
THE HERMITESS:
Simple and sincere.
BETTY:
Personal and real.
THE HERMITESS:
From the heart.
BETTY:
Do not turn this into a list of virtues.
THE HERMITESS:
They are not virtues. They are possibilities.
BETTY:
You always say that when you do not know what something is.
THE HERMITESS:
Be your natural self, Betty.
BETTY:
My natural self wants to remove the spiders, burn the ladder, buy two chairs, and drink the third cup of tea.
THE HERMITESS:
My natural self wants to see who dares claim the third cup.
BETTY:
No one.
THE HERMITESS:
That is one interpretation.
BETTY:
It is an empty cup.
THE HERMITESS:
So is every cup before it is filled.
BETTY:
That is deeply annoying.
THE HERMITESS:
Philosophy often is.
BETTY:
Philosophy is what happens when people refuse to answer a practical question.
THE HERMITESS:
Practicality is what happens when people become frightened by a philosophical one.
BETTY:
We are never going to agree.
THE HERMITESS:
No.
BETTY:
You think women need rest. I think women need adventure.
THE HERMITESS:
Women need the freedom to decide which one they need without turning either into a duty.
BETTY:
I think pleasure matters.
THE HERMITESS:
I think pleasure is a private language. It takes time to learn, and many people never grow quiet enough to hear themselves speaking it.
BETTY:
I think play matters.
THE HERMITESS:
I think play is one way the soul refuses obedience and lets curiosity reign.
BETTY:
I think women should be goofy.
THE HERMITESS:
Only voluntarily.
BETTY:
Groovy.
THE HERMITESS:
I object to “groovy.”
BETTY:
You enjoy your life your way. I will enjoy mine.
THE HERMITESS:
Agreed.
BETTY:
We agree?
THE HERMITESS:
We agree to disagree.
BETTY:
About everything?
THE HERMITESS:
About the ladder. Adventure. “Groovy.”
BETTY:
But not about women choosing their own place.
THE HERMITESS:
Never about that.
They lift their cups.
BETTY:
To the Wild Soul.
THE HERMITESS:
To rest.
BETTY:
To pleasure.
THE HERMITESS:
To mistakes.
BETTY:
To good storytelling.
THE HERMITESS:
And to not pleasing everyone.
The spiders have moved. Neither woman can say when or why.
The third cup tips over by itself.
BETTY:
Did you see that?
THE HERMITESS:
Possibility has arrived.
BETTY:
Possibility can clean it up.
Blackout.
Voices still audible. Someone forgot to cut the mics.
BETTY:
Should we invite them to subscribe?
THE HERMITESS:
Invitations are preferable to instructions.
BETTY:
Fine. Consider yourself invited. Oh, you people out there…
THE HERMITESS:
SuzZeal is free to read. Paid subscriptions help make room for The Hermitess Papers, the drawings, the questions, the ladders, and even the spiders.
The lights flicker. A spider crosses the subscribe button without clicking it.
BETTY:
Typical.
THE HERMITESS:
Politically ambiguous.
BETTY:
The reader may decide for herself.
THE HERMITESS:
Precisely.
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