Time Well Spent

Hospitals should be renamed Time Acquisition Centers.

Why else would I show up to such a place other than to gain more time? Furthermore, for the time I have remaining, I want the time to be quality time. Comfortable time. Pain-free time. And I want joy and love infused in my time, with no minute wasted.

It’s why I’m flying back and forth to Cleveland, Ohio, for care at the Cleveland Clinic. I’m fortunate enough to 1. have health insurance and 2. Cleveland accepts my health insurance… at least for this year.

In early June, I traveled to Cleveland for more testing due to complications. I watched hundreds of fellow patients over the span of three days in waiting rooms, walking the halls, being pushed in wheelchairs, all hoping for more time. All of us were waiting on various tests like coronary CTs, cardiac MRIs, stress tests, and heart catheterizations. There was beeping, moaning, wrist wringing, tears streaming down cheeks.

Since the heart keeps the body alive, the tests seem more consequential, and the consequences land a little harder.

Yet, there was a lot of hope. If there had been no hope, no one would have shown up.

Hope is why I keep stuffing myself into a plane with hundreds of other people and flying away from my community to the Time Acquisition Center.

I hope to acquire more time.

There’s a 2011 movie, In Time, where people die at age 25 unless they have the money to buy more time. Obviously, the wealthy live the longest, and some have lived well into their hundreds. Justin Timberlake, the lead actor, steals money from the rich to give to the poor so the poor may live longer. The story isn’t far-fetched from what is happening today. Not everyone can afford health insurance or plane tickets to fly to the Cleveland Clinic. That’s why GoFundMe exists. That’s why there are financial aid packages. It really feels like that movie.

Because I view time as the ultimate currency, I am acutely aware of how I am spending it day to day.

Sometimes I catch myself scrolling at various points in the day, and I really want to change that. I receive Ryan Holiday’s The Daily Stoic emails (I highly recommend them). Recently, he included a quote from Everything Happens for a Reason by Kate Bowler that made me snort out loud: “I keep having the same unkind thought: I am preparing for death, and everyone else is on Instagram.” I love dark humor, and I am not afraid to talk about my mortality. I am probably not going to live a full life expectancy. I mean… I hope I do… I really do… but when I read the Health Summary on MyChart, I have a few things stacked against me. Yet, I keep catching myself looking at Instagram. Some of it is for inspiration. I also just really care a lot about a lot of people. I have heart buddies around the world that I keep tabs on. I really love my friends, and I want to know what they did over the weekend. But, sometimes, I need to numb myself from thinking about that Health Summary list. I know that if I find myself at the edge of the veil again, I am going to be super pissed I spent any time on social media. I am paying for that scrolling with my limited time. What a clown show I can be.

However, if I wasn’t scrolling, I’d miss Neil the Seal and the seal pup on the boogie board, and the nobody cares movement. Gold. Pure gold. Laughter is time well spent.

So, I’ll scroll responsibly and be glad at the end of my life that I once saw a seal pup on a boogie board. Maybe I’ll boogie board on my upcoming vacation? I’ll be in the seal pup’s hometown. I’ll see if it wants to share its board with me.

I am grateful I can book my next plane ticket to the Time Acquisition Center for pacemaker surgery and then another plane ticket for the six-week checkup with a possible sternum revision surgery. Then, there will be another plane ticket for next summer for another checkup, and every year after that until the next surgery.

And in between, I won’t be in the mindset of waiting for appointments at the Time Acquisition Center. Instead, I’ll live my life joyously, choosing to be happy rather than worry about life expectancy or what I can or can’t do with my body. I may even scroll to check in on Neil the Seal and how the seal pup is progressing on its boogie board. Then there are all my buddies I love.

Then, at the end of my life, I’ll know my time was well spent because love really is the best way to spend my time.

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