Midlife Vertigo

From one perspective, I breezed through perimenopause. Minimal hot flashes and my usual energy level; even my sleep was “not bad” judging by the stories I was hearing of sleepless nights. But emotionally, I was struggling.

I fluctuated between content and miserable. The cozy comfort of my family life was suddenly unsettling and I didn’t understand why. I have come to fondly refer to this as my “Midlife Vertigo” because everything around me was the same, but I was not. My life felt off-balance.

I say fondly because that distress call from my subconscious shook me awake to the truth of my life; the status quo was no longer working.

Around the same time, a friend suggested I join her and her husband on a trip to India. I had always wanted to visit India but questioned whether my husband and two young teens could survive without me for three weeks? (Spoiler, they could.)

Being in India reminded me who I had been before motherhood — someone who craved adventure, who came alive in new places. Being “just Susan”, twelve time zones from my family, was exhilarating. I hadn’t realized how much of myself I’d let slip away, like the floating candles we released onto the Ganges River in Varanasi.

While I was in India, my husband Sean had written me a sweet email saying, “Squeeze all the tamarind juice you can out of this once-in-a-lifetime trip.” Once home, I knew I wanted to hold on to the independence and adventure I’d felt. I had to tell Sean that India hadn’t cured my wanderlust, it had ignited it.

I share the story of my midlife vertigo, and the ways that travel helped me “come home to myself”, in an essay in the book Midlife Private Parts: Revealing Essays that Will Change the Way You Think About Age. It’s coming out in two weeks, on June 24, and I will be in New York City for the launch. 🎉

Mine is one of 27 essays, each exploring a different facet of midlife—from friendship and reinvention to life after divorce, loss, health, and personal style. Reading the essays was a bit emotional for me. A book like this would have made a huge difference when I was in the thick of perimenopause. I would have understood that what I was experiencing was normal, and I would come out the other side. I hope you get the chance to read it. It will be available at public libraries as well as to order online.

As I began traveling more frequently without my husband (and kids), it clarified for me the unique benefits of travel for anyone who feels they’ve lost themselves in the grind of daily life. Here are a few:

• You remember who you are, beyond obligations and family roles.

• With distance from your daily routine, it’s easier to see new possibilities.

• You uncover passions you didn’t know you had.

• Facing the unfamiliar builds confidence and independence.

• And speaking entirely personally, travel makes me feel more free, more alive — more myself.

As I said, my midlife vertigo required some challenging chats with my husband. Being honest with a spouse (even a very supportive one) about your dreams, some of which may not include them, is scary. I talk more about that in my post about Self Differentiation in Marriage.

I know some of you are navigating this stage. And physical challenges aside, I understand how unsettling the emotional upheaval can be. Standing at the edge of something new can feel scary. But amazing things can happen beyond your comfort zone. You don’t get to see the zebra unless you are willing to travel a bumpy road in a safari jeep.

I leave Thursday for a couple of weeks. I’ll be in Toronto visiting family and then to Quebec City for a travel conference. I’ve been before but not in some time. Quebec City has a remarkable history dating to 1608 and it’s the only city in North America, north of Mexico, that still has walls. Narrow cobblestone streets give it a European charm and delicious food is abundant; they recently received their first recognition in the Michelin Guide. I’ll be sharing my Quebec City visit on social media, so please follow along on Instagram.

I’m also planning to connect with Quebec tourism experts to learn about the many travel experiences the province offers. I am especially interested in those rooted in Indigenous culture. Quebec is home to 11 First Nations and Inuit, including the Cree, Atikamekw and Huron-Wendat. There are kayak and canoe excursions, whale watching with guides from the Innu community, and traditional dance, drumming, and community celebrations. If you are curious, this website is a great resource: Indigenous Quebec.

It’s been eight years since midlife vertigo upended my life. On the surface, things may look the same, but in meaningful ways, everything has changed, thanks largely to travel. Still, I love my routines at home, so it can be a challenge to pack up and go. (And if you know me, you know I hate packing.)

But I know that travel, and getting out of my comfort zone, is always worth it.

Susan

P.S. You might have noticed this email looks a little different. My newsletter now comes via Substack. There’s nothing you need to do. One of several upsides is you can comment and comments are welcome. Thanks for reading!