Learning to Look at Yourself Through the Lens of Self-Compassion

Thank you to everyone who attended our latest Confidence Circle session.

It is always lovely to spend time with you.

The opening question I posed was this:
“If you discovered something about yourself you didn’t like, what would you do next?”

This is an important question to consider as we start to pull on the threads of our beliefs and peel back the layers of our identities. Who will we discover beneath?

Will we even like the person who emerges from the shadows?

Let’s turn that question on its head and ask another one:
“What if you came to accept and even like that person?”

I recently came across the term ‘flawsome’. It’s a blend of ‘flawed’ and ‘awesome’. I love it because it suggests you can be both awesome and flawed.

What if that describes you?

Maybe you are not perfect; there are probably things about you that could be improved.

At the same time, there are things about you that are brilliant.

If you have been to one of the Confidence Circle sessions, or watched one of my lives, you might have heard me talk about a greatness list. We also recently discussed sharing our gifts with the world. You have achieved things, and you have gifts and talents. We all do.

So, about this person you are afraid you may not like.

Aren’t they a mix of awesome and flawed too?

When we think things like:

• I am a bad person.

• I’m not good enough.

• I’m weak.

• I’m selfish.

These are beliefs, not identity. This is important to remember.

Beliefs about ourselves often form over many years, shaped by childhood experiences, difficult relationships, criticism, rejection and unrealistic expectations.

These experiences label us, and we think this is who we are. But are we really?

Maybe you don’t like how you react when you feel angry.

You can dislike the reaction but still love the person who reacted. You can choose to change the reaction and respond differently.

Maybe you struggle to set boundaries and end up telling yourself you are weak.

If a dear friend told you they struggled with that issue, would you tell them the same thing?

Are they weak, or just someone who needs help with their self-esteem?

When you uncover something about yourself that you dislike, as I suspect you will, why not turn your fear into curiosity?

Instead of asking,

“Do I like this?”

ask,

“What is this trying to tell me?”

Maybe this part of you stems from a time when you needed to feel safe, accepted or loved.

• A way of protecting yourself.

• A coping strategy.

• Fear.

• Trying to prove yourself.

• People-pleasing.

• Your inner critic.

Maybe these parts of you need understanding and self-compassion rather than judgement. Self-compassion was our theme in February.

If you are finding parts of yourself that are difficult to overcome, we can cover this in a circle session.