how to trust yourself

i have to preface this article by admitting that this is my fourth attempt at this substack piece. it has taken many shapes and each time i reach the end, i select all and press delete. i would lie if i said this rarely happens, however, this time has felt different.

without sounding woo-woo, it’s like there is a very specific message that God or the universe (whatever you believe in) has in mind for this piece and my previous drafts didn’t quite suffice. so i put my hair in a metaphorical bun, (i have short hair so i can’t have my dramatic bun moment but lets imagine it) walked to a coffee shop, ordered a matcha, and now i am here trying again. for the forth time.

God please let this one be it.

lately i have been feeling very anxious. this recurring thought is running in my mind saying that i am not as badass as i make myself out to be and it’s just a matter of time until the world finds out. recently i have departed on this journey of becoming a professional writer and content creator. so with over 200 000 eyes on my work, this thought feels rather debilitating. for the first time in my life, there are real external stakes attached to my badassness.

maybe you have your version of this. we all have to be badasses throughout our lives. maybe you have a big presentation coming up and you feel your boss will finally find out you aren’t as qualified as she thinks you are. or you think you will fail an exam and the world will see who you really are. whatever your version may be, this piece is going to help you unpack it and help you move forward being your baddest self.

recently i went to new york to watch olivia dean. if you are a regular reader, yes this is the third time i have mentioned that i went to her concert. and no, this is not the last time i will mention this life changing experience.

during the concert, she told us that she used to think everyone had this life thing figured out and there was something deeply wrong with her for feeling so lost and confused. and then she continued by informing us that this is actually a lie. no one has life figured out. we are all equally lost and confused.

while her music is healing, this little nugget that she shared truly healed something in me.