“People have this tendency to create their dating profile in less than 10 minutes even though it could be the most important thing they do for their love life."
~ Saskia Nelson, founder, HeySaturday
I’ve been a dating coach for 15 years, and I still believe that your most important job on a dating app is to give your viewers an honest window of insight into your life and make them feel excited about the possibility of being right there by your side.
There’s value to looking attractive in photos, for sure, but most dating apps are already designed to stack people who look generically attractive at the front of most users’ feeds already, so what ultimately matters is that your photos differentiate you and your life from the other people who are just as attractive as you being displayed right next to you in the match queue. An all-too-common frustration among my friends and clients is that they simply don't have any photos that tell their story. Maybe they never take selfies, or all their photos are out of date, or they only have awkwardly-posed group photos. It sucks when you simply don't have photos that capture your vibe across all the dimensions that matter.
In my previous post, Dating App Photos — Everything You Need to Know, I detailed how to obtain the best possible dating photos using your own (phone) camera and the goodwill of your friends. I covered photo lineups, photo captions, photo feedback, and which specific genres of photo to take in order to convey your essence.
If you just run out and hire a professional photographer to take a bunch of headshots for you, it’s likely you’ll end up with 50+ photos showing mostly your face with a generic background, and few (if any) photos that capture meaningful facets of your life.
I turned to photographer and documentarian Matt Cusimano for advice, and he revealed that dating photography goes far beyond mere cost and logistics,
It is an emotional process though. Like, the photographer wants to get inside the head of the future person that’s going to flirt with you. I sometimes hate the word “vibe” but for lack of a better descriptor, you should vibe with your photographer. Feel comfortable laughing with them. It can be a mini date or a model of what it’s like to swipe right on someone, because they can also be a creep and your discomfort will show in the final product.
My takeaway from Matt’s advice is that it’s worth digging deeper into the portfolios and processes of the photographers you’re considering, in order to suss out who can make you feel most at ease, and most accurately represented.
Matt also sent me some photos from a recent shoot he did (published with the model's approval). What I love about these photos is that they really help capture a vibe every time.
I’ve been an amateur photographer for over 20 years, and after speaking with Matt and nearly a dozen professional photographers, here’s what I’ve learned for how to get the best results if you decide to opt for a professional shoot.
As you’re exploring which photographer might be a good fit for you, remember to communicate the key variables you’re working with, including budget, timetables, the number of photos you hope to ultimately use for your apps (typically 6–10), and the dimensions of your life & personality that you want to accentuate. Discuss which kinds of locations and scenes they might envision for capturing you in all these lights.
Remember, different photographers may have very different service offerings. Prices can range from low hundreds to $2,000 or more. Some charge you a lump sum for the full folder of photos they took; some charge for the overall session time, plus an additional charge for each photo you want a full quality copy of.
Some charge for additional retouching, and may also offer makeup, wardrobe, and personal styling assistance. Some photographers offer coaching on body language and facial expressions. Some may offer multiple locations, while others charge for each additional location.
I recommend avoiding ones that charge for studio rental, as most dating app photos that take place in a studio will feel staged and less authentic. If cost is an issue, consider seeking an amateur photographer who just bought a DSLR camera and is offering low cost or pro bono sessions to build their portfolio.
Here’s a quick summary of what to expect:
When reaching out to prospective photographers, it helps to be specific about what you hope to accomplish. Here’s a provisional script to help:
I’m hoping to land on ~10-15 photos that I can use for dating profiles. I’d like them to be in different settings, with different wardrobes, in natural light, featuring a range of expressions, as well as a range of activities that capture my day to day life, both solo and with friends who agree to join me for the shoot.
The specific scenes I have in mind include [mention several life dimensions you intend to capture and where they might take place].
My budget is $___ and my ideal timetable is next 2-3 weeks.
Please let me know more about your process, rates, and availability for working together!
Before signing on any dotted lines, ask about who gets to have final ownership of your photos, and what the photographer may plan to do with the photos after the shoot. Be wary of signing any blanket release forms. Jon Birger, author of Dateonomics: How Dating Became a Lopsided Numbers Game, advises,
“I would just tell the photographer that you’re not signing a release and that you want to own outright any photos they take. Might cost more, but for me at least — my experience involves author pics — it provides peace of mind…. When I was a writer at Money magazine, we used a freelance photog to photograph a young attractive entrepreneur for a cover story. A year later, her photo showed up on a bus stop ad for a real estate broker."
Given that dating app photos can be quite personal and vulnerable, I think it’s worth taking the extra step to ensure your photos remain yours, and don’t get used for other purposes.
After you’ve selected a photographer, make the most of your time together by preparing the following a few days in advance:
On dating apps, it comes off as tacky when people have more than one obviously photoshoot-quality shot of them in the same outfit in their profile.
Your photos should involve you living your life and being surrounded by good people and cuddly critters. Avoid obviously posed shots where everyone is merely smiling and staring at the camera. Duchenne smiles, always. The more laughing and merriment, the better.
...like you telling a joke, cooking/presenting food, playing an instrument, giving someone a boost, rolling in the grass with a dog, leading a hiking troupe, etc. — in essence, you, in action, doing things you love, (optionally) surrounded by people who love and respect you.
If it’s just you smiling up against generic backdrops, the photos won’t do much work for you. Sure, they show what you look like, but they don’t show any insights into your life. The thing that makes dating app photos truly stand out is that they invite your viewers to see your life in action and imagine themselves alongside you, cheering you on, maybe even cuddled up with you.
wearing sunglasses
looking angry, surly, creepy, resentful, or dangerous
using the same facial expression in every photo
holding knives or weapons
holding dead animals (unless you’re trying to attract fellow hunters)
showing off your kids (it's fine to mention that you have kids in your profile, but it's a dangerous violation of their privacy to include their photos in your public-facing profiles)
not making eye contact . At least one photo should have you looking at the camera, looking exceptionally approachable. This will make it much easier for your date to recognizes you when you ultimately make eye contact IRL
Get plenty of rest at least 2 consecutive nights prior to your photoshoot. Avoid drinking alcohol, as it directly impacts sleep quality, and can make you bloated. Avoid high sodium foods as well because they can make your body retain water. Stay well-hydrated throughout the day of the shoot.
We have so many resources at our disposal for revealing the uniqueness of our lives, including our clothing, our surroundings, our expressions, and any of the people and things we interact with. Take advantage of all these elements, and make them uniquely yours.
For instance, if you’re doing a shoot in your bedroom or office, consider adding a short stack of your favorite books somewhere in the frame, so that your viewers can glean what sorts of things you enjoy reading.
If you frequent a climbing gym, bring your photographer there, or more realistically, ask friends or even friendly strangers to take a few photos. You can even set your phone against something, record a video, and grab a screenshot from it later.
Not every photo in your lineup has to perfectly depict your face. Having a recent and clear picture of your face is extremely important, but if you care about compatibility, it’s equally essential to give your viewers a good faith impression of your habits, hobbies, joys, social life, and emotional range.
The most important thing to remember is that your dating profile is a love letter to your most compatible person (or people), and in the current dating app marketplace, your photos are the principal portal people use to assess whether your vibes, values, and trajectories align. Take care to tell your story with the earnestness and thoughtful detail it deserves.
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