The White House, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons
For President Dozing Don Trump:
1. Which recently deceased Republican senator from South Carolina once called you a “demagogue” and a “race-baiting, xenophobic, religious bigot,” and urged voters to “tell Donald Trump to go to hell”?
2. Which current Republican vice president once called you “Hitler”?
3. So, I see you and your greedy brood have made some serious filthy lucre in the last year, and I don’t just mean your meme coin, whatever the heck that piece of Ponzi is. A profit of $2.2B for you in 12 months? Meanwhile the one million investors in your meme con lost a total of $3.18B. Explain the discrepancy.
4. Many people, including yours truly, and anyone not in a coma, believe that you are using our taxpayer money as your own personal ATM. I don’t remember you asking any of us if we wanted you to ruin the East Wing or desecrate the Deflecting Pool or hold blood sports at the White House. And your silver-spooned sons--Usay Jr. and Useless-- along with the Witless Boyz-- are using government connections to cash in on such sketchy crap as Tungsten mines and drones, and God knows what. Finally, my question, explain how any of this grift, fraud and outright plundering of our Treasury benefits us?
5. Why is it that you can’t stay awake during meetings? Additionally, are you able to stand for any period of time without holding on to a podium?
6. Why did you need 22 specialists during your last physical? Was one or more of them a mental health expert?
7. Did you know the Strait of Hormuz was open and toll-free before you began your dumb-ass illegal war against Iran that killed thousands of innocent citizens and 13 of our soldiers?
8. Can you open your mouth just one time without lying? Will you please stop writing your word salad posts in UPPER CASE? I feel like I’m READING RANSOM NOTES, when everyone knows that we, the American citizens, are the ones actually being held hostage.
9. When will you pay E. Jean Carroll all the money the courts have ordered you to pay for assaulting her?
10. Define “Communism.”
11. Before I forget, Happy 80th Birthday!! Hey, did those 22 doctors tell you that the average lifespan of an American male is 76.5 years? I would love to buy you another cheeseburger or three.
For Acting Horribly Attorney General Todd “Carte” Blanche:
1. Why did you move Ghislaine Maxwell to a Club Med prison where she can have a puppy?
2. Speaking of canines, are you aware of what happened to the other Trump attack dog Michael Cohen? Think betrayal and then prison.
3. Do you think you can ever regain a reputation as a somewhat “reputable” attorney and/or a decent human being?
4. How do you live with yourself knowing that the world sees you as a permanent barnacle attached to Trump’s double-wides and not as someone who represents justice for the American people?
For Minister of Warfare Against Innocent Iranian School Girls Pete Hegseth:
1. Do you know that the Christianity you profess to practice preaches peace, tolerance and love?
2. Do you know that your faith mentor Doug Wilson is a hateful northern Idaho wing nut that is just one sermon away from handling venomous snakes and sipping strychnine?
3. Have you really stopped drinking or are you just better at hiding it? (Because, mate, you don’t look too good these days. Perhaps the stress of screaming lies to us and being the most despised man in the Pentagon is getting’ to ya?)
4. You have shown repeatedly that you hate anyone in the military who is not male and white. Why is that? Is it because you are insecure about your manhood and/or is it simply because you are a racist misogynistic Christian nationalist?
For Secretary of Making America Sicker Robert Kennedy Jr.:
1. What in the conspiracy-marinating, anti-science, swimming-in-toxic-waters, vein-popping, steroid-chewing, mucking is wrong with you!? (And what happened to you, Cheryl Hines?)
2. Can you disprove the rumor that your family’s intelligence and benevolence does indeed skip a generation, as in your obvious case?
3. Are you familiar with any proven scientific facts such as vaccines save lives? Do you know the Earth is round and that gravity is like a real thing?
4. Why does your bloated face look like a cherry bomb about to explode?
5. Are you in love with shirtless Kid Rock?
For Trump Mouthpiece and Fiction Practitioner, the Very White House Press Secretary Karoline Smilin’ Lyin’ Leavitt:
1. Are you a real human flesh and blood human being or an AI-generated avatar that dishes out slop? Please blink twice so we can tell.
2. Is there a string attached to your back that your mentor DJT pulls when you parrot his gas lights and lies? Are you, in fact, the real Chatty Kathy Doll?
3. Why do you wear a crucifix? Fashion or faith? And when you lie to us are your fingers crossed?
4. Have you read the Bible, specifically Proverbs 21:6? “A fortune made by a lying tongue is a fleeting vapor and a deadly snare.” Or, Psalm 101:7? “No one who practices deceit will dwell in my house; no one who speaks falsely will stand in my presence.”
5. There is a 32-year difference between you and your husband. In other words when he was your age—28—well, gee golly, jumpin’ Jehovah!, you were not even born yet! Kinda weird in a Daddy-issue kind-of-ew way. Just sayin’. Together, you and hubby had a child before you were married. Oopsie. Is this how Christian MAGA trad wives act?
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