Eye of Sauron's Opthalmologist

I have good news, Eye of Sauron: your vision remains 20,000 / 20.

In layorc’s terms this means you can see at 20,000 leagues as the Nazgûl flies what a normal Enemy of Light can see at twenty. Were the day overcast by eternal shadow, you could make out Lothlórien, but if the day were clear you could see all the way to Dol Goldur.

You asked my advice regarding excessive redness and constant burning. Yes, you can buy over-the-counter lubricating drops, but may I be candid, Lord of Gifts? All the Visine in Middle-earth won’t make a difference if you insist on going 5,000 years between eye blinks.

Your orcular pressure is stable and indicates no symptoms of glorcoma, but I do harbor some concerns about your retina— namely, the lack of it. Your eyeball is an orb of otherworldly fire… and that’s pretty much it. Did your previous opthalmologist ever discuss this with you— the one you had skinned alive before you hired me?

I will have Shelley send a referral to the retinologist, Dr. Goldman, at his Plains of Gorgoroth practice. Last I spoke with Jerry, he was booked into the Fourth Age, but he’s now doing initial consultations over-the-palantír, so I’d give that a try.

On a personal level, Necromancer, while I’ve always appreciated you as a patient and friend, I’d be remiss if I didn’t share something uncomfortable. When I stare into your colossal, dilated pupil I experience an icy dread as deep as the Sea of Núrnen, as if my very soul is being extracted into an abyss of pure chaos.

Do not despair, Dark Lord! Your vision is fine— you do not carry the gene for Lighthouse Eye.

I’m talking about the writhing agony you induce in the visioncare staff here at Moorglade Opthalmology, many of whom have taken up arms or fled in madness.

Finally, when interacting with said staff, please employ the Common Speech. No one knows what you were speaking when you read the eye chart below, but you— accidentally?— summoned nine Ringwraiths to my lobby.

Please whisk them away.

Dr. Stevathorn of Formagon, MD

Moorglade Opthalmology & Eye Patchery

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