Meet the Reform gays

A new poll suggesting Reform is the preferred party among gay and bisexual men has caused a stir on social media.

The research, commissioned by More in Common, was carried out in December but shows a striking shift. Whereas 41 per cent of gay and bisexual men voted Labour in July 2024, Reform now leads in the polls with 25 per cent (up five points), followed by the Greens on 19 per cent (up eight).

As you can see, the main takeaways are actually the collapse of the Labour vote and the surging of the Greens, but this is journalism, not social science, and we’re not about to let something as trifling as statistical significance get in the way of a good story.

Progressives have the same proprietorial feelings about gays as they do black people, ethnic minorities, Muslims, and the rest. Your vote belongs to them and it is a betrayal if you direct it elsewhere.

On the flip side, the right is bemused if not baffled by findings like these. It’s not that they don’t want gay votes, they just can’t figure out for the life of them how they got them and how to avoid losing them.

So as a public service to all sides of politics, I present a taxonomy of that most mercurial demographic, the gay Reform voter.

The demise of the Tory twink — the worst form of twink death — has hit politics hard. He once glided the corridors of Conservative HQ and was especially skilled at navigating the party conference hotel, but the Tory twink keeps pace with power and since power is marching Reformwards, so is he. The Ex-Tory Twink stans Katie Lam and has semi-heterosexual feelings every time Giorgia Meloni lights up a Vogue SuperSlim, but is still not sold on Farage.

He used to be Fiscally Conservative But Socially Liberal, like everyone else in his profession (PR/public affairs) but is experiencing precarity for the first time, and now has Legitimate Concerns About Immigration. His chief concern is housing. Whereas his forebears — and daddy bears — could afford Zone 2 at his age, he’s out in Barking and staring down the prospect of Dagenham (Zone 5!) Very eager for everyone to know he is Not A Racist. Will defect to the Lib Dems once Carl Cashman is leader.

Aged between undergrad and 30, the Homotrad is the daffier, posher cousin of the Sensitive Young Man. Raised tepidly Anglican — so, Anglican — he is still in the process of converting to Rome but already makes TikToks correcting the heresies of the episcopacy under the user name @novus_ordo_noticer. Usually a posho but occasionally middle class. The only Tweed-wearing, pipe-smoking, Latin Mass attending twenty-something you know. Favourite novel is Brideshead Revisited. More interested in aesthetics than politics, but leans statist, is iffy about Israel, and secretly admires Islamic modesty culture. Will eventually defect to Restore, or, if closeted, the Greens.

A gay Deano with a business degree, a snack but midwit-flavoured. In the political closet because he dreads the social ostracisation that would come if his friends discovered his true politics. Wants two things in life: 1) repeal of the Town and Country Planning Act, and 2) Tom Harwood’s phone number. Voted Labour last time but has secretly come to hate poor people, benefit spending, and soft-on-crime policies. Wants workhouses for welfare recipients and firing squads for phone thieves. Used to be super pro-immigration but now sees the inherent contradiction in open-borders Yimbyism. Thinks the gender thing is mostly bullshit but has pronouns in his profile and pretends JK Rowling has ruined Harry Potter for him. Outwardly relaxed about Islam, privately concerned about sourcing GHB under sharia. Deeply ashamed that he’s considering a vote for Reform, putting him on the same side as gammons, boomers and northerners, but really wants his taxes cut.

The cheekbones of Timothée Chalamet meets the politics of Diana Mitford. Rake-thin. Diet consists of Marlboro Lights and vodka sodas. Last consumed a carbohydrate in 2016. A rare sub-species of the Reform Gay, the Fash-ionista appears liberal-coded to casual observers — stylish, feminine, libertine — but delights in scandalising his friends with outrageous opinions. Most assume this to be a bit, some fear it’s sincere, he’s no longer sure either way.

Shockingly, stunningly racist. A Botticelli of bigotry, a Prokofiev of prejudice. Takes a dim view of Pakistanis, and Indians, and Somalis, and— well, you get the picture. Supports mass deportations of ugly people, regardless of citizenship status. Calls Size 6s ‘curvy girls’. Would defect to Restore but too many Catholics for his liking. Bronze Age Pervert once retweeted him.

An aging former Labour voter radicalised by transgender ideology, today the gay Gen-Xer on a Journey is a Friend of Julie (Bindel). Loved Blair until Iraq, thought Cameron was a posh prick, and never deviated from the left-liberal catechism until the Gender Wars. Initially appalled by Trump but he does annoy all the right people. Happily used the LGBT acronym until 2017; now compares RuPaul’s Drag Race to The Black and White Minstrel Show. Feels strange new respect for Mary Whitehouse; regrets ever having sniffed at Kenny Everett’s politics. Drinks like a middle-class white woman. Terf on Twitter, he/him on Grindr. Watches GB News for Charlie Peters.

The Gaytriot wants to Make Britain Great Again. Likes ‘is ale, ‘is fags, and ‘is Common Sense. Dislikes human rights, halal, and the BBC. Wants to hang two things from lampposts: England flags and nonces. Holds views on Muslims that would make Geert Wilders blanch. Likes Israel, loves Trump, shares obvious AI boomerslop on Facebook with some variation on ‘MORE WOKE NONSENSE!!!! #sickofit [angry face emoji] [angry face emoji] [angry face emoji]’. Low to middle income. Watches GB News for GB News. Uber-sincere, and thus kind of endearing, but an NPC in both gay and rightist terms.