Go Out to Dinner This Week

A friend of mine here in Berlin has landed a dream assignment: writing up Berlin for an international food magazine’s January 2025 issue on where to eat in cities around the world. Being a magnanimous, accommodating friend, I’ve joined her on a few of her research trips. We order appetizers and say things like, “Ah, journalism!” while running a menu for two hours. 

These meals are about the food – and what delicious food it is!!! – but they’re also a chance for us to sit, look at each other, and talk for a long time. 

Most of my meals are utilitarian in nature. I need to eat, preferably fast, to move to the next thing. (It’s a lot of microwaved bags of rice.) But “going out to a restaurant” means sitting for two hours (the length of a typical reservation in Berlin), supposedly focusing on food, but actually being in community with my friend, phones away. It’s a third space in which neither of us is worried about hospitality for the other. We are equals in a restaurant.

I’ve become a big fan of the full three courses. Start with an app. Split a main if they’re big, or get a few small plates to share. Save room for desert. Going to a restaurant is expensive, so if you’re going to do it, do it. 

Why a restaurant? Why not a hike or a museum, or another third space? Because a restaurant is about eating – literal nourishment. And at a restaurant, you are usually facing your companions. There’s nothing else to do but look at each other. You sit (comfortably) and eat (deliciously) with another person (in conversation). It’s ephemeral. It’s eternal. It’s biblical. It’s universal. And, hopefully, low-stress.

I decided to write about this because I was listening to Brene Brown and Esther Perel, two paragons of the female growth podcast world, discuss the lack of intimacy that phones create. I was listening and I thought, huh, I’m really glad I have so many activities that put me in direct community with other people. Performing comedy is a 100%, laser focused group activity that can only really happen in a room with other people. Same with singing opera, or any musical genre, really. 

I did a comedy show the other night and my friend/bandmate came to the show and we had a few drinks at the bar afterwards, chatting about this and that, and it was just lovely. We’re constantly texting about music and then recording it (with varying degrees of satisfaction), but instead of discussing work, we were talking about life. We were talking about nothing. We were facing each other, no phones, and it was wonderful.

Many of my friends have kids and I do the kids-in-restaurant-dance a lot. Though not fully laser focused upon one another, it’s still a nice break from routine, especially if there’s a coloring book involved. And I’ve found kids often dig the novelty of being asked adult questions by their adult friend in an adult space. If you have kids, call your single or childless friends and invite them to join you at a restaurant.

This is… expensive. A nice meal in Berlin with apps is around €30-50, before drinks. That’s a week of groceries! I budget this through the comedy fund. Whatever I make that week from shows goes to ubers and restaurants — my kind of luxury! I am a passenger princess who loves a good meal! But the thing is, the conversations are worth it. The brain detoxification is worth it to me.

It’s going to be a stressful week for everyone. Text a friend right now and make a sit-down reservation for dinner on Wednesday or Thursday so you have something to look forward to. Bring your kids, get a babysitter, make it a big group, make it a date night, but get out into a third space where you are waited upon by other people. I’m not talking Chipotle. I’m talking Red Robin. I’m talking waiter brings you water while you wait. 

Put your phone on silent. Wear comfortable pants. Make sure the restaurant can accomodate your current eating habits while remaining delicious. (The things vegan/gluten free restaruants can do these days boggles the mind!)

And go out to dinner.