The Question That Changes Conversations

Recently, a client had been in a meeting where someone raised an important topic for discussion.

The issue wasn’t the topic itself.

It was how it was framed.

It felt inappropriate given the audience.

And she felt personally attacked.

The meeting ended.

Everyone moved on.

Yet days later, she was still thinking about it.

On the surface, her question to me seemed straightforward.

How do I have a follow up conversation?

As she shared what happened, it became clear it wasn’t just about what was said in the meeting.

Several different elements had become intertwined.

The relationships.

The potential consequences.

And all the emotions she was experiencing.

No wonder the situation felt heavy.

As our conversation continued, those elements became easier to distinguish from one another and the focus shifted.

The question was no longer:

“How do I address what was said?”

It became:

“What outcome am I trying to create?”

And once that happened, deciding how she wanted to have the conversation became much easier.

At some point, every leader encounters a situation that gets their attention.

A situation that creates enough discomfort that it refuses to leave their mind.

And when that happens, it’s easy to focus on what was said or how you felt.

The opportunity is to move beyond those reactions and instead focus on the desired outcome.

That shift has a way of completely changing the conversation.