Stop fighting everyone about everything

The purpose of this missive is to brainwash you to leverage your situation to your benefit instead of making it an ever-bigger obstacle.

The more you fight the circumstances, the less opportunities you have to leverage the circumstances to your advantage.

That’s one reason I explained in Moving on target that you should focus your energy on what you want built into your life, not on what you want removed from your life.

Work with what you have to maximize your chance of success with the positive you want to build.

Sell some stuff you don’t need before you move house.

Start looking for a new job instead of complaining about your boss.

Save some money before you switch career paths or go full-time with your own business.

Don’t just fight the situation for emotional satisfaction. Emotional satisfaction can only be temporary and it will leave you stuck in the same place.

Understand the situation. Understand the relationship.

Is there anything to gain from “winning” this fight? If so, do you have a clear path to winning or are you just being reactive and defensive of your ego? Even if you “win”, what will that do to the relationship? Is winning worth making an enemy or appearing aggressive and controlling to onlookers?

Those aren’t rhetorical questions. We genuinely have to cultivate the reflex to think about these things when the rubber hits the road and our egos blow up like a CCP unintelligence balloon.

There’s a Chinese saying for this.

“Give, before you take.”

Soften people up before you make the real ask, before you go for the decisive blow.

Cede ground when you have nothing real to gain from “winning” that particular battle.

Yes, sometimes you have to fight people just to show you can and to deter challengers, but in contemporary society those situations are rare.

This isn’t the Bronze Age – and even then, it would be a bad idea to fight always. Fight every time is not a sustainable rule. The reality is that most of the time you want to fight because of your emotions, because of ego, and there’s little real gain from it – only potential cost.

Constant fighting is ultimately going to leave you exhausted and isolated, without real prospects to win the long game and without any allies to support you.

Leave this sort of attrition warfare to the numbskulls.

Kill them with kindness.

In many cases, aggressive personalities just don’t know how to react to agreeableness or simply calm down, as their triggered egos no longer have to be attached to the situation.

Leading from behind is actually a thing. We tend to underestimate how much we can do – how much power we have to influence an organization, a family, a group of people, a movement by cultivating relationships and building a reputation for being a valuable ally. By fighting everyone about everything, you’re diminishing that social power. People who fear you or dislike you will subconsciously root for you to fail even when they have the integrity not to sabotage you intentionally.

In many cases, people who actively dislike each other will band together just so they can take You down.

The worst context for constant fighting and challenging people is your own family. You will erode your marriage through exhaustion even if it’s fun for you at first. Your kids will grow up in an emotionally insecure environment even if they learn critical thinking and resourcefulness in the process.

Learn to yield when it’s the most advantageous option – for you.

Battle for battle’s sake always – does you no good in the long game.

Stop getting into fights that aren’t part of a larger campaign to WIN something you genuinely want.

What’s the campaign?

Refer once more to WAR!!!

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Go forth and conquer.