You know that feeling in the house when your toddler or your pet gets too quiet and you know something has gone down? Or better yet, have you ever seen them cause chaos right in front of you for attention because, well, negative attention is better than no attention at all?
Well, that is the man in charge.
Because this man has spent the last 24 hours making a speed run at stirring up as much crap as humanly possible, and I don’t even know where to start. Actually, yes, I do. Let’s start at the beginning because the first thing I saw was Obama and Trump.
Two statues.
Obama gets the dark one and Donald gets the giant shiny gold one. Imagine that. Of course Don the Con is in gold because what else was it going to be? Seriously. I would have been shocked if it wasn’t gold. This man would gold-plate oxygen if some poor bastard could figure out how to do it. And I don’t even know what I’m supposed to take away from the picture other than Donald’s statue is gold and Obama’s isn’t. Apparently the man in charge thought this was important enough for all of us to see.
And then George Washington showed up. Poor George.
I swear to God, George Washington gets dragged into more of his sh*t than any other president.
So in this shot we have George standing there supervising the construction of the White House in 1792. Kind of ironic he posted this right in the middle of his fight over that ballroom, right? Well, I don’t know about you, but I knew exactly what the f*ck he was doing.
He posted it as if to say, “See, George built sh*t too. He did construction at the White House and nobody bothered him.”
And to that I say, “Donald, leave George alone. That poor man has been dead since 1799 and I really don’t think he appreciates being dragged into a damn ballroom argument 227 years later.”
Then he decides to throw another wrench into this mess by posting a poster saying, “40 Club Championships.” The post featured himself, of course.
He posted this thing like we needed to see it. Because God forbid we make it through an entire evening without hearing about one of his many staged accomplishments. Although honestly, at this point, I don’t think Donald can go more than a few posts without reminding everybody about golf.
We could be talking about war, the economy, the White House falling into a sinkhole, whatever, and somehow this man is going to find a way to tell us about his golf game.
Then we take a hard right and we get “Two VERY DIFFERENT America’s.”
America’s.
Yes, I saw the apostrophe too, but I’m already dealing with George Washington and golf, so I’m just going to leave that thing sitting right where it is. What I’m not going to leave sitting there is the racist sh*t in the actual post, because apparently comparing two “VERY DIFFERENT America’s” meant putting Donald and Melania on one side and Abdulrahman Mohamed El-Sayed and his wife, who is wearing a hijab, on the other like we’re supposed to look at the picture and immediately understand which one he thinks represents the “right” America. He didn’t even have to say it out loud. The damn graphic did the work for him.
And then came the DronePort. Or shall I say DronePorts because he posted not one but three separate images.
And y’all, these weren’t three different DronePorts, it was three different pictures of the same damn one. You know the one he wants to put on top of the ballroom. Well, apparently one picture simply wasn’t enough because he wanted us to see this b*tch from every angle.
We got the drones, the military vehicles, what look like troops standing around, fireworks going off in the damn background, because apparently that’s a thing now. And I just sat there looking at all of this thinking, wait one cockamany minute, didn’t a federal appeals court JUST tell your ass you couldn’t keep building this ballroom?
So basically this man gets told no on Friday, and by Saturday night he’s on Truth Social showing everybody what he wants to put on the roof anyway. Talk about selective hearing.
They say no, and instead of accepting it he decides to post three different angles of this thing like we’re considering putting in an offer. I don’t even know anymore. I’m sitting here on a Sunday afternoon looking at pictures of drones on top of the White House ballroom that doesn’t exist yet because this is apparently part of being an informed American now.
And then we were back to the damn Reflecting Pool because apparently we are STILL doing this.
We didn’t get just one post about it... Nope, we got two.
VANDALISM.
And then he posts it again.
VANDALISM.
Okay, Donald, we saw it the first time.
And y’all, how are we still doing this? I mean, his own Justice Department dropped the cases for lack of evidence. They literally didn’t find any evidence to back up the man in charge’s story that vandals had caused this major failure.
Now normal people would probably just get pissed off, bitch about it for a while and eventually stop bringing the thing up because what else are you going to do. But not this man. This man is still over there yelling VANDALISM like eventually everybody is going to get tired of hearing it and say, “Okay, fine, Donald, the pool was attacked, whatever you say, now can we please talk about literally anything else now? Like I don’t know… the Epstein files!”
But y’all know that’s never going to happen. Instead, this man found time to post another Alfred E. Neuman comparison. How very middle school of him. I am actually surprised he didn’t add audio to the photo with an actual school bell ringing.
So one minute I’m looking at what appears to be a military installation on top of the ballroom, then we’re back at the Reflecting Pool, and somehow now I’m looking at Alfred E. Neuman. How in the blue blazes did we get here? I don’t know. I was there and I still don’t know.
After posting all of that, one would think he would have spun himself out. I mean, we’ve already done Obama and Gold Donald, George Washington somehow got involved, golf, Two Very Different America’s, the DronePort, the Reflecting Pool, and Alfred E. Neuman. So I really thought we had emptied the damn junk drawer by now.
But oh no. He saved the best for last. And who is the lucky contestant?
Hillary f*cking Clinton.
Y’all.
Hillary Clinton.
Only this time he isn’t criticizing her. He is holding her up because she said something nice about his Gaza plan, and Hillary managed to piss off a whole lot of Democrats in the process because they think she is dead wrong for giving him that kind of praise. And I just know when Donald saw that headline he thought, winner, winner, chicken dinner. Hillary Clinton handed him something he could use to make himself look good AND piss off Democrats at the same time. There was no way in hell he wasn’t posting that.
So after ten years of this woman being treated like she personally crawled out of hell to destroy America, we’re holding her up because she said he did something right.
I don’t know whether this man was bored, pissed off, feeling ignored, entertaining himself, trying to change the conversation or sitting there enjoying the fact that everybody was reacting. All I know is that after looking at his feed this past 24 hours, I have come to a conclusion.
Does this man have a damn hobby?
And yes, I know he has golf, but clearly that is not enough. Somebody needs to get him involved in woodworking. Give him a puzzle. Let him build one of those ships inside a bottle that takes six months and you have to sit there with tweezers trying to get the little awkward mast in the right place.
Or better yet, give him a metal detector and tell him somebody dropped a roll of quarters on the South Lawn. I don’t care. Something. Anything that takes a while and keeps him occupied because I was going to make a joke about giving him something involving geography, but then I remembered he’s already posted pictures of Canada as the 51st state and now there’s a Trump-linked oil company with drilling equipment sitting in Greenland without approval, and see, this is the problem. I can’t even make up ridiculous sh*t anymore because halfway through the joke I remember some version of it has already happened.
Scratch that. Maybe just give him a puzzle.
A really big one.
One of those awful ones where half the picture is blue sky and it takes three months to figure out which blue piece goes where. That ought to buy us some time.
And when the White House gets too quiet, somebody go check on him.
Because if Donald is sitting somewhere in the other room with his phone...
You know something has gone down.
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If y’all think I’m exaggerating, don’t take my word for it. Head over to Truth Social and scroll through the man in charge’s feed yourself. I promise you, seeing all of this sitting there together is an experience. 😂
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