Reading · The Southern Punk Project

Have you ever noticed how some stories hit the News feed, give a little wave and then walk off? Ya well that isn't this story. Because this story just burst through the door like the Kool-Aid Man. And with the damage it has created y'all know we had no choice but to walk the crime scene.

So yesterday I was minding my business, truly I was, when two letters Natalie Harp wrote to the Man in Charge back in 2023 were published in full and I thought well hell, there goes the rest of my night. Because of course Southern Punk had to read them and y'all let me just say… Christmas came early to the Porch!

The first one starts with two words, “I'm sorry.” Sorry? Sorry for what? What did you do Natalie? Well apparently she got her ass stuck outside Customs without her passport. She thought she was the only one left behind and in her panic she called the Man in Charge directly.

Now me personally I probably would have called Secret Service. That's just me. Well I guess hindsight is truly 20/20 because she literally says in this letter that she SHOULD have called Secret Service. She just didn't. She called him.

And I don't know why but that made me laugh. I mean what the hell was Donny boy supposed to do? Come back through Customs and get her? I mean can you imagine?

Anyway apparently through the grace of God she made it out because then she starts talking about her walking the golf course. Now, I have no idea why this is a problem but Natalie is VERY concerned that Donald understands she was TOLD to walk. Not once, but twice.

The first day she was told there weren't carts. The second day some guy whose name she can't quite remember asked her to keep walking so they could save the carts. Save the carts from what? I have no idea. But apparently whatever was happening to the carts was serious enough that he also told Natalie to tell the other girls to walk too.

And I believe you, Natalie. Nobody is accusing you of grand theft golf cart. Can we move on?

Nope. Because now she says if there is “anything else” she's done to cause him trouble, please forgive her. Anything else? What else is there? Because so far I'm not seeing anything that requires forgiveness. Maybe a phone call saying sorry I bothered you at Customs but she's writing this like she backed the Beast into a lake.

Then she says: “I want things to always be right between us.”

Wait. Between us? What happened between y'all?

She says she's been distracted all week and forgetting to eat and sleep. She's been thinking about her dad and letting things people say get to her. Okay. Her dad died and I can understand that part because grief will sneak up and knock the crap out of you when it feels like it.

But then she says she doesn't care what these people think about her. She's ONLY worried about what Donald thinks. Specifically she's afraid she'll be “lowered in your eyes and good opinion.”

I'm sorry… what!

And then she says: “That is the fear you see.”

What fear does he see? Because THAT caught my attention. What has Natalie been doing around this man that he can actually SEE how afraid she is of losing his good opinion? Has she been getting upset when somebody else gets his attention? Does her whole damn mood change if she thinks he's irritated with her?

Hell if I know. Natalie doesn't tell us.

She just keeps right on going. And now she's saying she never wants to bring him anything but joy. “You are all that matters to me.”

Okay wait a damn minute. ALL that matters to you?

This is where I went and checked her age because Natalie is 35 now, which is already a hell of an age difference with an 80-year-old man, but she wasn't 35 when she wrote this. Oh no, she was 31. And he was 76.

But when she said, “Thank you for being my Guardian and Protector in this Life,” I just sat my sweet tea down. Because I'm sorry, your what? Guardian and Protector? In this life?

And then we get to the card and this is the point where I was like wait. Because somewhere on this trip the Man in Charge catches Natalie at a cash register and apparently decides she isn't paying for whatever she's standing there with and buys her a bunch of mementos from Scotland and Ireland.

Which I am sorry is tacky as hell when you're talking about a 76-year-old man buying stuff for a 31-year-old woman.

And y'all even though all this went down Natalie apparently still considers this a “Trip of a Lifetime, a Coming of Age.” I literally had to read that part again because coming of age at 31 is a hell of a thing to casually toss into a letter without explaining what exactly you came of age FROM.

We don't know what happened on that trip but apparently she “will return a better person.”

Well now I'm curious because what the hell happened in Scotland that made Natalie Harp a better person? Inquiring minds want to know. I thought she walked a golf course, forgot to eat and got some souvenirs. Apparently I missed some stuff.

And I would love for her to tell us what that stuff was but she can't because whatever they're doing that day is apparently wrapping up, the cars are getting ready to leave and she has to stop writing. So that's it. And she signs the first letter…

“With all my heart, Natalie.”

So now I am sitting here wondering what the hell I just read because what the hell did we just do? I really didn't have time to recover from the whiplash when the second letter dropped.

And y'all the second letter starts with: “Now this is the note I wanted to write (But the apology needed to come first.)”

I'm sorry, come again? The one I just read WASN'T the note you wanted to write? That was you clearing your throat? Oh lord we're screwed.

So Letter Two starts with Natalie talking about everything she learned about herself on this trip and apparently going back to her roots was enlightening as hell because somewhere between Scotland, Ireland and the great golf cart mystery Donald managed to get this woman to unplug.

Literally.

She says they could go out on the golf course without the machines, forget what time it was and for once she didn't have to be a “Human Printer,” which if you haven't seen this shit, yes, Natalie really does follow him around with a portable printer printing whatever he wants to read.

So now I'm wondering if the damn printer went to Scotland too. Which honestly might explain why she remembers the trip like she just got back from summer camp. No printer. No clock. Just Natalie and Donald wandering around Scotland forgetting what time it is. Good lord.

She says she finally had time to enjoy good conversation and take these long walks in the morning and evening so she could watch the sunrise and sunset, which sounds lovely except Natalie was apparently so busy enjoying nature she was still forgetting to eat and sleep.

Girl. You have GOT to start remembering the basic functions of being alive.

She says all that thinking had a “slightly negative effect” sometimes and Donald picked up on it.

There he is again. Seeing things.

Apparently she hadn't realized how close she was getting to burnout either.

And y'all listen to what she says she had started doing. She was envying the people whose only “job” seemed to be: “to talk with you, and look pretty.”

I'm sorry... WHO?

What women are sitting around talking to Donald and looking pretty?

Natalie doesn't tell us that part.

Of course she doesn't.

She just says: “I want that job!!”

Oh girl I bet you do.

And y'all keep your finger right there because now Natalie starts talking about how SHE looks. Apparently girlfriend is so damn busy trying to keep up with everything coming in for him that half the time she's running around looking like a “hunchback” because she doesn't even have time to freshen up. Her words, not mine. But she does manage to slip this little jewel into parentheses:

“at least you know what I should look like!”

Ohhhhh.

So wait. She wants the pretty women's job and now she's making sure Donald remembers she cleans up nice?

Girl I am not saying a word.

I don't have to.

Anyway she misses the days when he used to call her during her Talkshow days and they would talk about “everything and nothing.”

Wait. He used to call her?

Now I knew about the Right to Try stuff. I knew about OAN. What I did NOT know was that before Natalie became the Human Printer, Donny boy was apparently picking up the phone and calling Natalie Harp just to shoot the breeze about everything and nothing.

Well there's a little piece of this puzzle I didn't know existed.

And girlfriend wants it BACK.

“I want to get back to that synergy.”

“We shouldn't have to talk about work all the time!!”

Well damn Natalie what DO you wanna talk about?

And right in the middle of all this she calls herself an “in-betweener,” somewhere between Staff and the people he enjoys talking to on the plane or at dinner.

Then it was confession time because she wrote, “I wish I could hear every conversation.”

Every conversation?

Good lord woman.

Anyone else ever see the movie Psycho?Because I swear to God I can hear that REE! REE! REE! REE! music playing in the background when I read it.

Natalie, girl, you’re starting to make me nervous.

But y’all she wasn’t done. Not even close. Because somewhere in all of this she decides what she really needs is old Natalie and new Natalie mashed together into somebody who will make Donald proud. And apparently if she doesn’t, Donald can cuss her out over it

I will give you a minute to rebuffer because I absolutely had to when I read that.

“You have the absolute right to cuss me out.” Well alrighty then.

“Because no one knows or cares about me more.”

Nobody? Except Donald Trump right?

And then she drops this little grenade in the middle of the letter and just keeps on going. “I'll never forget when you made that promise to me after losing my Dad.”

PROMISE? WHAT PROMISE?

You cannot tell me Donald Trump made you some kind of promise after your father died and keep writing like you told me what you had for lunch. But that's exactly what she does. Not another damn word about it.

Instead she pulls out Pride and Prejudice of all things and changes one of the lines for Donald: “I could not have parted with you, to anyone less worthy.”

Okay. And just in case THAT wasn't enough: “And, I will add, it is I who is unworthy.”

Oh good lord. And she signs it:

“Always, Natalie.”

Y'all. Is this woman in love with him?

Because I have been trying to figure out what the hell I'm reading for two letters now and at this point I don't know what else I'm supposed to wonder.

Although I do have one question. What the hell was Donald doing through all of this?

Did he answer her? Did they ever talk about any of this? Did this man read “You are all that matters to me” and just go about his day?

Hell if I know.

So I started digging around and found Maggie Haberman talking about the letters. And y'all apparently there are MORE.

That's right... MORE?

Haberman says Natalie had been leaving letters for the Man in Charge in his personal spaces during the four years he was out of the White House, and she says some of them alarmed the Secret Service.

ALARMED? What the hell do you mean ALARMED? And hold on, what “personal spaces?” Where the hell was she leaving these things?

Were these two letters part of what alarmed them? Hell if I know. Nobody will tell me.

But Haberman said letters. Plural.

So I'm digging around looking for more and I run across Haberman talking about Natalie today and y'all guess what? This woman sits about ten feet from the President.

Yes you read that right... ten feet.

So now I'm wondering how much closer she needs to be because remember earlier when she said she wished she could hear every conversation?

Girl, at ten feet I think you got your wish.

But my question is how?

How the hell did she end up ten feet away?

Hell if I know. But now I wanna know.

And something tells me this little White House soap opera is a LONG damn way from being over.

See what I mean about the Kool-Aid Man?

We should have let that bastard knock.

Before you go, I want to tell you something because I don't think most people realize how much happens around here before I ever hit publish.

You see two absolutely batshit letters and me making jokes about golf carts, Kool-Aid Men and whatever the hell an “in-betweener” is.

What you don't see is everything that happened after I read them.

Because y'all know me.

Natalie says Donald could see her “fear” and suddenly I wanna know what the hell he was seeing.

She mentions a promise he made after her dad died and now I wanna know what he promised.

Maggie Haberman says there were MORE letters and some of them alarmed the Secret Service and well there went the rest of my damn day.

That's how these write-ups happen.

One question becomes another question. One article sends me somewhere else. Before I know it I've got tabs open everywhere, I'm reading CNN transcripts, comparing reporting from The New York Times, The Independent, The Daily Beast, The Atlantic and People, and Hayley has heard me say “Okay, but here's the thing...” approximately seventeen times.

And underneath this write-up you'll find the receipts for all of it.

I put those sources there for a reason.

Don't just believe something because I said it.

Go look.

Read Natalie's letters yourself. Read what Maggie Haberman actually said. Follow the same rabbit holes I did and decide what YOU think.

That's what I want Southern Punk to be.

A place where we can laugh our asses off at the absurdity without turning our brains off while we're doing it.

And doing this the way I do it takes time.

Sometimes a lot of it.

I can spend six, eight, sometimes ten hours digging into one story before I ever write the first damn paragraph. Then I still have to write it, make the graphics, make the videos, edit everything and get that work across Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, YouTube and Substack.

And here's the part most people probably don't realize.

Facebook is the ONLY one of those platforms paying me for video views right now, and that only recently started.

TikTok can give one of my videos thousands of views and I make nothing from those views. Same thing on Instagram. Same thing on YouTube.

So you can watch Southern Punk all day long on those platforms, but unless somebody chooses to subscribe or directly support the Porch, those views don't pay for the hours that went into figuring out why the hell the Secret Service ended up in a story that started with Natalie Harp walking a golf course.

That's why subscriptions matter so much around here.

If you subscribe to Southern Punk on Substack, you're supporting the writing and all the digging that goes into it.

If you subscribe on Facebook or Instagram, you're supporting the videos.

That's really what it comes down to.

Southern Punk is my job now, and subscriptions are what give me the time to keep doing it this way.

Independent.

No corporation sitting behind me deciding what I can talk about. Nobody telling me a rabbit hole isn't worth following because it won't generate enough clicks.

Just me seeing something that makes me go, “Wait a damn minute,” and having enough time to actually find out why.

And this week paid subscribers are getting something new.

Southern Punk Uncensored.

Lord, I've been waiting for this one.

Because I spend way too much time wondering what Facebook is going to flag or what perfectly normal word TikTok has decided it hates today.

Not there.

I'm taking the filter off.

No watering something down because one of the platforms might throw a fit. I'm going to say what I actually want to say.

Paid subscribers also get a seat on the Porch Council and a voice in what we investigate next.

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If you've been here for a while and you've thought about becoming a paid subscriber, and you're able to do it, I'd love to have you.

Really.

And if a paid subscription isn't something you can do right now, please don't feel bad about that.

Share this writeup.

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Because every bit of it gives me more time to see something that makes me go, “Wait a damn minute,” stop what I'm doing and start digging.

Sometimes I find something important.

Sometimes I find something infuriating.

And apparently sometimes I find a 31-year-old woman calling a 76-year-old man her “Guardian and Protector in this Life.”

You really never know what the hell is gonna come through that door around here.

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When I started digging into this write-up, I thought I was about to read two letters.

That was it.

Two letters Natalie Harp wrote to the Man in Charge back in 2023, a little gossip, probably a few raised eyebrows and we’d all go about our day.

Well.

Y’all know how that turned out.

Because the letters themselves opened about seventeen more doors.

One sent me looking into the relationship Natalie had with Donald Trump before she ever became the woman sitting ten feet away from the President. Another had me trying to figure out what Maggie Haberman meant when she said Natalie had been leaving letters in his “personal spaces.” And then the Secret Service wandered into the damn story because Haberman said some of those letters had actually alarmed them.

So I kept reading.

The Independent gave me the two letters in full. The Daily Beast reporting added more of the history surrounding Natalie and Trump. Then I went straight to Maggie Haberman’s appearance on CNN because when somebody tells me the Secret Service was “alarmed,” I want to hear exactly what was said, not somebody else’s version of it.

From there I went into the New York Times reporting on Natalie’s extraordinary proximity to Trump and the unease surrounding her inside the White House. The Atlantic, People and additional Independent reporting helped fill in what has been happening around her more recently.

And somewhere along the way this stopped being two weird letters.

Because no single story had everything.

One had the letters.

Another had the Secret Service.

Another had the White House.

Another had the history.

And once I started laying all of that shit beside each other, suddenly lines in those letters that seemed strange the first time through started looking a whole lot more interesting.

So as always, don’t take my word for any of it.

Read the letters.

Watch the interview.

Read the reporting.

Decide for yourself what you think is going on here.

What I wrote on top of these sources is Southern Punk.

The Letters

The Independent | Natalie Harp Labels Herself ‘Unworthy’ of Trump as Her Letters That ‘Alarmed’ Secret Service Are Revealed in Full

Natalie & Trump Before the White House

The Daily Beast | Natalie Harp’s First Unhinged Trump Video Is Revealed

The Daily Beast | Trump’s Relationship With Natalie Harp Takes Scandalous Twist

The Secret Service & Those “Personal Spaces”