To Flirt

Recently I was invited to take a Flirt Wander. This is a time to move with open awareness through the world and to allow the more-than-human others to entice you, to playfully draw you in. It is enchanting.

That morning I stepped out early when the air was still tucked in with the marine layer, damp and cool. The round plates of nasturtium leaves held sparkling dew jewels up to the morning sun, reminding me of the caught light in dangling earrings gently brushing a woman’s neck as she leans in, both of you rapt with each other. The scent of honeysuckle captured me completely, stopping me in a cloud of sweetness. When I approached the towering bush on the side of the road, just running my fingers over the dew wet blossoms transferred perfume to my hands. The ocean called me closer, close enough that I might taste her salt on my lips.

So much aliveness to engage with, inviting me in. Moments, not captured but fully felt.

I think humans can benefit so much from Flirt Wanders and actually from redefining the concept of flirting all together. When we open ourselves to flirting with the more-than-human world it is clear that we are not doing it to “win” the other. We flirt to share our aliveness and our delight in the other. It is a temporary connection without any serious considerations of taking it further or needing more.

Flirting is a freedom to enjoy one another, without needing to claim or own or explore next steps. Humans need this. We need it with the natural world around us and we need it with our fellow humans. It is a natural state – children flirt (and I absolutely mean that non-sexually) in the way they easily break into glee with something, fully offering their attention to the delectable beings they discover. They do not hide or reserve their delight (until we are taught that delight without a result is something to be embarrassed by).

As adults we have sadly been trained to see the external world as something to try to obtain for our own. We walk by shop windows and billboards and houses in the next neighborhood over and we feel a craving to have that. If we like it, we think we should have it, keep it, shape it to be even more of what we want. If we catch eyes with a stranger and there is the briefest spark, it is accompanied by complicated thoughts of “What does this mean? Am I supposed to DO something about this?”

Flirt Wanders with the natural world help us to recalibrate these capitalistic patterns. It is a time we can just enjoy beauty in the other. We can let our senses be titillated without turning that into a project or a way to feel successful (or not). We can move through the world allowing pleasures and enticements to touch us and only linger, not stay and take up residence there. We can enjoy one wonder and trust that another is around the corner.

What is it like to just be playfully excited by another being and then let it go?

How can we make a study of not needing to own or keep what excites us?

To flirt, in the best sense, is to honor the agency and independence of the other and to simply appreciate them. To bow to the abundance of beauty and intriguing beings in this world we all share. It is to allow connection to be a series of temporary spontaneous gifts, unplanned and unrepeatable – like life.

I can feel the difference when I am, for example, walking around an arboretum and simply admiring the plants and trees versus when I suddenly think “I should plant one of those at home. I wonder if it would grow there….” Such a different energy arises when I consider the beauty I see to be something judged by its usefulness for me. I certainly get gardening ideas from wild places and planned gardens, but I have found I much prefer the freedom in my experience of these places when I have let go of plans to recreate it for myself. To simply take it in and appreciate it for its existence in this moment that I am visiting.

What might change if we humans practiced more respectful love for the natural world and its wild places, rather than commodifying or thinking only of our own access to it?

Flirtation is a lesson for love. It is a chance to try on the boundaries of independence while still giving in to adoration. It is a playful practice of gratitude for another’s sparkle and a sweet practice of letting go. Flirtation fills our hearts with trust in the overflowing abundance of wonderful beings that will make your heartthrob and your breath quicken.

Can you imagine silently saying to the incredible beings who catch your eye, “I am simply glad you exist and for this moment you made my heart sing.”?