I Spent Years Solving The Wrong Problem

I spent years waiting to feel confident again.

But the confidence I was searching for never came.

So I had to act before the confidence was guaranteed.

Approaching girls that I thought were attractive.

Publishing articles that expressed my thoughts.

But, comfort stops any growth that was made.

I saw someone that I wanted to approach, but the battle was lost before it had even begun.

My mind would be racing.

A few drinks down, the confidence from the alcohol was running through me.

I pointed towards the dance floor in the local boozer, headed towards it and I decided to put myself in the mix.

I knew that if I wanted to overcome my fears and to be myself, I needed to start acting.

I wasn’t trying to impress anyone, I was simply living in the moment and being myself.

I danced because I stopped giving a sh*it about what other people were thinking.

And you know what, it worked.

The girl I had seen earlier that evening was eyeing me up, and her friend was eyeing me up too.

But now I had to follow through, instead of just dancing I needed to speak to her and to establish more.

I carried on dancing and the time was ticking.

I said to myself in my head, “Just do it now! Stop waiting.”

Eventually I just put my hand out, spun her around and I felt the pressure ease off of me.

[These emotions just hit me again]

It didn’t work out the next day.

But I enjoyed a high that the old me could only have dreamed of.

I spent years solving the wrong problem.

I realised that I was blaming the wrong thing.

It wasn’t confidence.

It was fear.

My fear stopped me from living.

It became clear to me that fear wasn’t something that I could think my way out of.

In fact, the more I lived inside myself then the greater the fear became.

Before approaching a girl you could see my nerves, my heart would drop and I would be so close to visually shaking - teeth chattering the lot.

The revelation was this…

After approaching, all of this went away and I was left thinking, “What was I worrying about?”

This makes the next time easier.

Instead of pondering on it, I gave myself a few seconds, made the decision and followed through with it.

Action produces evidence that eliminates the fear inside your head.

My life shifted when I started to act before relying on motivation or for confidence to arrive out of thin air.

I knew that I wanted to talk with people and I couldn’t rely on them to approach me.

I knew I wanted to become a writer and to publish my own work, no one else was going to do this for me.

I was anxious with all of these, I wanted to do them but I lacked the confidence to do so.

But, once I was able to overcome my fears and what scared me, it felt like the weight had finally been lifted off of my shoulders.

I was afraid to approach, I was afraid to click publish, and I would not have gained the confidence if I didn’t lead with the action first.

You reflect who you are.

If you’re afraid to live then you will forever be wondering who you are.

My writing was breaking down the walls to get to the centre of who I am.

I went deeper with every article to bring to life the thoughts I was avoiding.

Writing wasn’t just an escape.

My writing made me honest.

Every article and every sentence made me put my money where my mouth is.

It was freedom.

It was expression through self-discovery.

I realised that I was answering my own questions and my path became clearer.

You’re not going to want to look back at yourself in 10 years’ time regretting that you never took the leap.

You don’t just discover who you are when thinking about life.

Every fear that you challenge reveals more about the person you will become.

The person who you want to be isn’t waiting for the perfect moment, they’re waiting on the other side of your fears.

If this resonated with you, share it with someone else who will benefit from this.

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