This week, I’m sharing the tools to help you finally overcome habits that are holding you back.
Doom-scrolling,
Procrastinating even when you are busy.
Pushing away opportunities because part of you believes you’re not ready.
And I’m sending this article to all my subscribers as a gift as it’s my birthday week!
Self sabotage isn’t a sign of failure.
It’s a pattern you have learned.
And like any habit, it can be unlearned.
Right now, your brain might be wired in a way that makes self-sabotaging behaviors feel automatic.
But your brain is capable of change.
Research shows with the right strategies, you can rewire how you think, feel, and act.
The key is learning how to interrupt these patterns and replace them with healthier ones.
The best ways to overcome self sabotage are Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness, and self-compassion.
Let’s start with cognitive behaviour therapy.
I wish more of us realised you don’t have to believe every thought that pops into your head!
Cognitive behaviour therapy is one of the most effective ways to change self-sabotaging behaviors.
Think of your brain like a music playlist.
If you’ve been stuck in self-sabotage for years, you probably have a greatest-hits album of negative thoughts on repeat.
“I’ll never be good enough.”
“I always stuff things up.”
“What’s the point in trying?”
“This isn’t going to work out.”
The more you listen to these thoughts, the more you believe them.
Cognitive behaviour therapy teaches you to pause the track, question the lyrics, and create a new playlist.
It teaches you to create thought patterns which support your goals instead of sabotaging them.
Take corporate executive Lisa, for example.
She wanted to apply for a promotion at work but kept thinking, “I’m not qualified enough.”
Every time she had a chance to put herself forward, she found an excuse to delay it.
But when she started using a technique called “thought reframing,” everything changed for her.
Instead of believing her inner critic, she asked herself, “What’s the evidence for and against this thought?”
She realized she had years of solid experience and great feedback from her colleagues.
The moment she saw her fear for what it was, a thought, not a fact, she finally submitted her application.
The good news? She got the promotion.
How You Can Rewire Your Thoughts Right Now
• Notice your negative thoughts. The next time you tell yourself you can’t do something, pause.
• Ask: Is this thought really true? Challenge it like a detective searching for evidence.
• Reframe it. Instead of “I always fail,” try “I’m learning and improving every time I make the effort.”
Your thoughts don’t define you.
But if you let them go unchallenged, they shape how you see the world.
Get Out of Your Head and Into the Present with Mindfulness
If overthinking was a competition, many of us would have gold medals.
Constantly replaying the past or worrying about the future keeps you stuck in a cycle of self-doubt.
Mindfulness brings you back to the present, which is the only moment where you can take action.
Years ago, I coached a woman I will call Sarah.
She would get so caught up in “what ifs” that she struggled to make decisions.
What if I fail? What if people judge me? What if it doesn’t work out?
I shared the practice of mindfulness with her and how to use it in real life.
Mindfulness helped her stop running endless mental simulations and focus on what was actually happening.
Instead of spiraling into self-doubt, she practiced a simple mindfulness technique.
Anytime she noticed her thoughts racing, she would pause, take a deep breath, and focus on something real and tangible.
She would touch the warmth of her coffee cup, feel her feet anchored into the ground and listen to the sound of her breath.
This small habit created a massive shift in her ability to stay calm and take action.
How You Can Apply Mindfulness Right Now:
• Start small. Set a timer for two minutes. Close your eyes and focus on your breath. When your mind wanders (because it will!), gently bring it back.
• Use everyday moments. Pay attention to how your food tastes, the feeling of the sun on your skin, the sound of music playing.
• Practice pausing. When you feel overwhelmed, take one deep breath and remind yourself, “I’m okay in this small moment.”
Be Your Own Best Friend with Self-Compassion
Most of us are kinder to strangers than we are to ourselves.
Think about it.
If a friend came to you and said,
“I said something I shouldn’t have said to someone I care about,” would you respond with, “Yeah, that’s typical of you, isn’t it”?
I don’t think so.
But sometimes, that’s exactly how we talk to ourselves.
Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a loved one.
Self compassion is recognizing that struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing.
Take a woman I will call Danielle, for example.
She had been trying to stick to healthy habits for months.
But every time she missed a workout or had a day of unhealthy eating, she would tell herself, “I have no self-control, what’s the point?”
Missing one day would fill her with shame.
And the shame made it harder for her to get back on track.
When she learned about self-compassion, she started shifting her response.
Instead of spiraling into guilt, she would tell herself, “One bad day doesn’t erase my progress. I can start fresh right now.”
This simple mindset change helped her stay consistent without the constant emotional rollercoaster.
How You Can Apply This Right Now:
• Catch self-criticism. When you notice yourself saying, “I’m not good enough,” pause and ask, “Would I say this to a friend?”
• Reframe it. Instead of “I failed,” tell yourself “I learned something valuable.”
• Practice self-soothing. Put a hand on your heart, take a deep breath, and remind yourself, “I’m doing the best I can.”
Your Next Step: Small Daily Actions = Big Changes
Breaking the cycle of self-sabotage doesn’t happen overnight.
But small, daily actions add up.
The trick is to start and show up for yourself.
Here’s my challenge for you.
Pick one of the techniques you just read about and do it for 7 days.
Maybe you catch one negative thought and reframe it.
Maybe you pause for one mindful breath in the middle of a stressful moment.
Maybe you practice speaking to yourself with kindness once a day.
Whatever you choose, listen closely.
You are already making progress just by noticing where you hold yourself back.
And the more you practice, the more you will start to feel a shift.
You will feel less stuck, less weighed down by self-doubt, and more in control of your choices.
One Final Thought
You don’t have to do this perfectly.
Just take one small step.
I’m grateful you are reading this, because it means you’re ready for change.
If no one has told you today, I’m proud of you.
This is your journey and every step forward counts.
Soph x
PS If you enjoyed this article, please share it with someone you care about.
References and sources:
1. Hertwig, R., & Hechtlinger, S. (2023). Transformative decisions and emotional resilience. Max Planck Institute for Human Development.
2. Golden, H. L., et al. (2020). Mindfulness-based programs and their impact on psychological well-being. Clinical Psychology Review.
3. Brito-Pons, G., et al. (2018). Implicit and explicit compassion: The benefits of self-compassion practices. Mindfulness Journal.
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