There are some amazing people here on Substack

My wife and I are on the 7th recurrence of an ‘aggressively recurring’ cancer and we’re doing everything we can to conquer it. The protocol we are using has nothing to do with oncologists. We’ve cured her the last three times without them, indeed, against their express wishes. This latest recurrence (her 7th) is proving to be the final boss.

The Cancer Industrial Complex

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Mar 2

This morning, for the first time ever, my wife and I hugged each other and proclaimed through tears that we ‘were making a change in this world’. I am humbled and thank God for leading us here, though the journey could have been a little less arduous. (hint, hint).

So, I drink, heavily. Watching my wife suffering through this has destroyed my soul. People ask me why I drink so much and I say “I have my reasons”. I’m not out of control at all, just I drink a lot. Usually, the same amount pretty much every night.

Mainly because I cannot sleep without it.

And I come home from the bar, and I drink some more and haunt Substack Notes. I joke that I’m letting Evil Ken out to play, but I’m just letting my bitter side out.

I have reasons to be harsh, or at least they seem like permission for being an asshole. God is tormenting my wife of 44 years and there is nothing I can do about it.

Occasionally I break into tears and ask God why he is doing this to her. I offer to take the cross from her shoulders. I even got down on my knees and begged, even though I am not a god-fearing type. Multiple times. So far, no response.

During my nights of agonizing, I came to Substack. Drunk, hopeless and despairing.

And then I met this angel through the page. Thank you, God, for sending me this help.

Meg Carter -- an answer from God

And here we go:

“A man whose wife is struggling, whether with her health, her identity, or her grief, faces one of the hardest tests in marriage.

The instinct is to fix it. Solve it. Make it go away.

But some things cannot be fixed.

The husband who learns to be with his wife in her struggle without needing to resolve it gives her something medicine cannot.

Evidence that she is not alone in it.

How do you show up for your wife when she is going through something you cannot fix?”

And my 1st reply:

“I am in that place. Went out this morning for a nature break and broke into tears. Before 8am.

Why does God let these horrible things happen to her?

She’s a wonderful person. EVERYONE loves her. I’m the asshole.

My friend suggested God was using her travails to get to me. She is my Achilles heel, we’ve been together for 43 years.

God, give me strength. For her. I’m on my knees, begging for mercy.”

And she replied:

“I’m so sorry. That kind of pain will bring a man to his knees.

I understand some of this personally. My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in September 2025, and there are parts of that road nobody can explain until they’ve stood there. Watching the person you love suffer and knowing you can’t fix it is one of the hardest places to stand in a marriage.

I would be careful with the idea that God is using her suffering to punish you or get to you. I don’t believe her pain is proof that God is trying to break you through her. Sometimes horrible things happen, and we don’t get the answer we want.

What I do believe is that your love for her is showing in this. The tears, the fear, the begging for strength, the ache of watching someone you love suffer, that’s not weakness. That’s a husband standing in a place he can’t fix and still refusing to leave her there alone.”

And my reply:

“This the most awesome thing I have ever read on here. I was begging God for some mercy on the love of my life, and Meg hit it out of the park.

Thank you for this, Meg. I’m crying as I write this. You are an awesome person.”

One of the hardest conversations I ever had was when my wife confessed she was amazed I didn’t leave her when she was desperately ill. Referred to hospice with an estimate of one month to live.

How she could spend 40+ years with me and think that leaving her was even in the realm of possibility absolutely broke my heart.

I have spent every day since then demonstrating that she is the love of my life, and that I would NEVER leave her. I’m in for the haul, no doubt whatsoever. Leaving her is not even in the realm of possibility.

I dress her ulcer from the cancer daily. I search for articles on the latest cancer treatments. I have over 150 bookmarks in my ‘Cancer’ folder.

My goal is to have her survive until one of the new, promising treatments hits the market. So far most of them are in pre-alpha. My oncologist would never connect me with them.

And until then, God sends me help from people like Meg Carter.

I love you, girl. You have helped me more than I can ever express.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.