The Cracks in Our Self-Confidence as Sensitive Women Are Showing

I sat with a small group of sensitive women, each one dazzling me in her own way with who she is, how she impacts people, how she sees the universe. These women, I thought, are so self-assured, so much more confident than I am!

But as the conversation went on, I began to see the cracks in the façade of that confidence:

The artist who had yet to accept an offer to show her work at a local gallery out of fear that she wasn’t good enough yet.

The activist who was procrastinating instead of reaching out to a community partner who seemed to be in “another league” in their work.

The mom who couldn’t bring herself to ask for an evaluation for her child, because what if she didn’t know enough to make the case to the school?

And the abyss of my own cracked confidence: what if I made a very public offering and were met with crickets? Disinterest and apathy would be worse than outright hostility.

We bonded around the feeling that, no matter how confident we appear to the world, our inner doubts, criticisms, and insecurities were so much stronger.

We shook our heads in disbelief at each other’s gaps in self-confidence. Each of us thought the others looked polished, certain, brave.

No matter how much we’re accomplishing, as sensitive women, we’re probably still sitting with old, familiar questions: am I too much? Am I not enough? Am I just weird???

All four of us at that gathering could describe countless times where we felt othered, inadequate, and judged for our sensitivity. We could rattle off a laundry list of ways that our sensitivity kept us from feeling like we measured up to some imaginary or culturally enforced standards.

And all four of us were really good at hiding all that behind a mask of competence and confidence, if only to try to avoid unwanted (critical) attention.

By the end of our gathering, it was clear to me that we all felt lighter for being in a space where we could acknowledge our authentic experiences to other sensitive women who just got it.

It was a little bit easier to practice self-acceptance and self-compassion, knowing that we weren’t the only one struggling to overcome our inner doubting voices.

I needed that reminder that it’s okay to feel unsure, to wonder about how I stack up, and to wish I felt more confident about doing things. And that it’s also okay to just do something, even if the only confidence I feel is that it’s going to be a disaster.

Whether we see ourselves as self-confident or insecure, we’re so much more than any labels. And those labels don’t stay the same or represent a universal truth of our identity anyway, so why give them so much power?

Are you feeling self-confident? Do you believe in yourself? Great, do something. You’ll be amazed by how good that feels.

Are you wracked with doubt and inferiority? Okay, do something anyway. You won’t feel any worse.

Self-confidence doesn’t get the final say on who we are. And it certainly doesn’t put limitations on what we can accomplish as sensitive women.

We can learn to get out of our heads, trust ourselves to handle whatever feelings come up, and take action.

And we don’t have to do it alone.

The opportunity to gather with kindred spirits and get real about our self-confidence and our doubts may not come up as often as you’d like in your daily life. That’s why I’m inviting you to join me on Monday, April 13^th, for a free Soundings Circle where we’ll explore Self-Confidence as Sensitive Women.

We’ll explore what authentic self-confidence looks like, how to bring greater self-acceptance and self-compassion to the ways in which we struggle with doubt, insecurity, and worthiness. And as we share, you’ll see that you are far from alone in whatever ways your own struggles with confidence show up.

In the Soundings Circle, you’ll experience a deep reciprocity. You’ll give and receive support in gentle, grounded ways. And it’s my job to make sure that happens, so you can relax and lean into the process, instead of making sure that everything goes well for the group.

I hope you’ll join us there!

Be Part of the Soundings Circle