Can You Be a Leader as a Sensitive Woman?

I often share the story of how my dear kindergarten teacher told my mom at a parent-teacher conference that she thought I was a leader.

“You mean, she’s bossy,” my mom replied jokingly.

They were both right.

I’ve always been a leader. Back when we were preschool aged, I used to organize the neighborhood kids: today we’re playing school. Or shooting hoops. Or going on an underwater treasure hunt in our kiddie pool.

And when they didn’t follow my lead, wow, could I get bossy. I knew how to have the best time, and they needed to get on board.

It didn’t occur to me as a little girl that leading could be difficult. I just did it, and generally speaking, the rest of the kids went along with me. Thankfully I used my power for good.

But by the time high school rolled around, I was starting to get the clear message from peers and from adults who weren’t joking or complimentary that my style of leading was wrong. I was too quick to speak up for the underdog. I cared too much about taking everyone’s opinions, needs, and wishes into account. I let it get to me too much when things went wrong. And I took too many breaks, too much time for myself away from my leadership role.

The conditioning was clear: my way of leading, informed by my high sensitivity, was not “normal” or acceptable. I needed to toughen up, go faster, care less, think less, produce more.

By adulthood, I thought I was too sensitive to lead. I thought I was too sensitive, period. And so I hid my sensitivity as best as I could and tried to sidestep leadership roles, although I kept finding myself in them. And burning out in them.

In reality, I was too sensitive to lead according to traditional, patriarchal models of leadership. Hustle, grind, win at all costs? That was a prescription for failure for me. And I blamed myself.

The more I’ve learned about leadership, sensitivity, and the patriarchy, the more I’ve realized that the model is broken, not me. And not you, either.

Your sensitivity isn’t the obstacle to being an effective leader. It’s the medicine that you bring for yourself and the world.

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The single factor that’s helped me deeply root into my identity as a leader has been being part of a community of other sensitive leaders. Brilliant women, leading in their businesses, communities, creative practices, and relationships. Women who’ve been where I was and could encourage me, advise me and, at just the right times, nudge me to stop overthinking and get on with life.

I want to bring this kind of community to more sensitive women. That’s why I’m launching the Gentle Joy Women’s Leadership Collective. It’s an alternative to the bro culture leadership programs that aren’t ever going to be a fit for us.

In the Collective, you’ll find a group of kindred spirits, women leaders who are learning to embrace the identity as leader in their own way, not based on what we’ve been told a leader should be. Women who are growing from their sensitivity, not in spite of it.

Women who are forming deep roots, so that they can blossom when the time is right for them.

If you’re ready to stop trying to fit yourself into outdated models of leadership and need support from me and other women to figure out what your gentle rebellion looks like, I invite you to check out the Collective. Email me with your questions.

You were never the problem in this broken system. You’ve always been the medicine your slice of the world needs.

Let’s show the world just how much we can accomplish and how many people we can inspire when we let our sensitivity guide us as leaders.

That’s not me being bossy, by the way. It’s me welcoming you into the Collective with enthusiastic, open arms. I hope you’ll join us!

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