Welcome to Single POV, personal essays from a single perspective of a not-so-single hopeless (sometimes disappointed) romantic
As I write this, I’m exactly one month away from my 30th birthday. In Brazil, we say we enter our “astral hell”, a time when you have bad luck, and everything goes wrong. In my experience, life weirdly becomes more intense. Though in reality, we should probably use that time to reflect and prepare for the end of a solar cycle. In my attempt to look back (if you’re a subscriber, you know I’ve been freaking out about turning 30), I decided to write down what I would put in a letter to my 20-year-old self.
It’s crazy how, somehow, ten years ago, this day felt so far away I couldn’t even picture it. When I tried, I probably envisioned someone who looked much older (I must say, I still get ID’d for paracetamol) with a vague idea of success. I wonder if I’d have done things differently if I knew where I would end up. I’d like to believe I wouldn’t, and that I’d be proud.
So here are all the things I’d tell her:
Dear me,
You’ll have enough time to explore the world. Coming home after your first time abroad is tough. You saw ten countries in six months, and you just want to get out there again, because you feel like time is running out. I promise, it’s not, and you’ll see another twenty countries in the next ten years.
Your parents are not “God.” Even if they act like it. And they're far from perfect. Sometimes, they can’t see when they’re wrong, and most of those times, it’s not worth even trying to explain. You still love them, but you also resent them. Both feelings can co-exist.
Don’t worry about what you were told in church. But I know you’ll always remember the most important of all: treat others how you’d like to be treated. Being born into a religion comes with a lot of guilt, but it gets smaller and smaller with time. And having a past with bad beliefs doesn’t make you a bad person. It takes a lot of courage to realise you were wrong and decide to look at life differently. It’s never as black-and-white as they want you to think.
You don’t need to follow in anyone’s footsteps. It’s not because your mum had you when she was 24 that you need to be pregnant at that age. You might not be at 34 or 44, and that’s okay.
You’ll constantly feel behind if you keep looking back. I know it’s tempting to dissect every job move and relationship decision to find out whether they were right or if you could be in a better place. Unfortunately, you’ll never know. Which brings me to: a lot of “end of the world” moments won’t matter in a couple of years. Or even sooner. This goes to crushes, missed job opportunities, silly fights, and so much more.
Moderation is great, but it’s okay to go a bit crazy every now and then. Ignore it when people act like you’re becoming Britney Spears in 2007. You’re not. But maybe try to avoid the Vodka squash.
You haven’t found your favourites yet. You haven’t watched your favourite TV shows yet (Sex and the City, The Bold Type…) or listened to one of your favourite singers (Olivia Rodrigo). It’s useless to try to fit yourself in boxes that are easily labelled or explained, because every day you end up changing your mind.
You’ll do things you never thought you were capable of—and then you’ll take them for granted. When you rewatch Bridget Jones’s Diary from your little flat in London, remember how much closer you are to your dream life than you ever allowed yourself to imagine.
Sincerely,
you
The funny thing is, I did receive a letter when I turned 21, but it wasn’t quite the kind of letter you’d want to keep. So perhaps this is my way of rewriting that moment (if only I actually could). Everything we read stays with us in some way, and the negative words can be the hardest to shake. But writing can also be a way of reclaiming it, replacing it with something kinder.
If you also wish you could talk to the version of yourself 10 years ago, then subscribe so you don’t miss the next Single POV essay.
Sincerely,
Renata 💋
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