I’m going to drop a quote on you that has lived rent-free in my head for years, and I hope that it’s as impactful for you as it has been for me:
“Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life.” — Jerzy Gregorek
For real, sit with that quote for a minute.
That little sentence captures one of the deepest truths I’ve ever encountered about how this whole life thing actually works. If we only choose the easy options, our lives get exponentially harder, and conversely, our lives actually get easier when we start making the harder choices.
And the hardest choice of all in the human experience is to embrace discomfort.
Unfortunately for us, we are wired, every single one of us, to seek comfort and avoid discomfort.
Of course, that wiring was super useful when discomfort meant “there’s a saber-toothed tiger over there ready to eat my face.” But in modern life, where discomfort mostly looks like “having an awkward conversation with Sandra in the Accounting Department” that same wiring has become one of the biggest obstacles between us and the lives we actually want.
If you’ve ever wondered why you keep getting stuck before trying something uncomfortable (and please trust that you’re not alone on this), this one’s for you.
The reason most of us never grow is that we wait around for the big uncomfortable moment to arrive. And then, when it finally does, we have no preparation, no resilience, and no muscles built to endure it.
Which means, we eventually crumble.
For example, we get the unfortunate medical diagnosis and don’t know how to be brave because we’ve never practiced being brave. Or, we get the layoff and don’t know how to start over because we’ve never practiced starting over.
So, instead of waiting for life’s big uncomfortable moments to punch us in the mouth, I believe that the solution is to start manufacturing small uncomfortable moments on our own. I call these micro-experiments in discomfort. They don’t seem like much on the surface, but the muscle they build is enormous.
Let me share a personal example that you’re probably going to hate. Still though, I promise that I’m offering this suggestion with kindness and love: try taking a cold shower in the morning.
I know, I know…you think I’ve lost my mind. But there’s something profound about the moment when every cell in your body is screaming “yeah…absolutely not,” and you step in anyway. Personally speaking, when I survived my first-ever, five-minute cold shower years ago, it was a straight-up miserable experience…but, when those five minutes were up, I swear I walked out of that shower with a new level of confidence. Now I do cold showers regularly.
If that’s a bridge too far, no worries. I have other options 😅.
Try doing a 24-hour fast, or consuming no caffeine for a week, or volunteering to deliver a presentation at the next team meeting, or something else that would be personally challenging for you. The goal isn’t to make yourself suffer, because that’s weird.
The goal is to do something hard on purpose, because when you survive it (and you will), it teaches your nervous system that you can handle more than you previously believed was possible.
After you run a few micro-experiments, you’ll find that bigger challenges (like the conversation you’ve been avoiding with your friend, your family member, or your boss) becomes more manageable. Or, the scary thing you signed up for (the class, the audition, the open mic night, or the race) isn’t something that you need to avoid.
Best of all, afterward you’ll likely be rewarded with the soul-nourishing truth that those things didn’t go as badly as you imagined.
And it all starts with micro-experiments.
Whether it’s jumping into a cold shower or finally approaching the cute single person who keeps smiling at you at the coffee shop, it’s irrelevant. The point is consistently training your nervous system to function in the presence of discomfort instead of running away from it.
Do that enough times and the big moments stop feeling like the end of the world, and they start feeling like a welcomed opportunity to show the world (and more importantly, yourself) what you’re made of.
That’s only half of it, though. The next step is to talk about how we can turn this into a life-changing habit.
Hi, it’s Shola! Allow me to interrupt your reading to mention that the fastest way to grow this kindness movement is to kindly share this article with others. If you’ve found this article helpful, please share that helpfulness with others. It’s free and it only takes a second.
This next strategy is one that I had to work reeeeeeeeeally hard to internalize.
Most of us treat discomfort as a warning sign or evidence we should retreat. But the truth is the opposite: discomfort is usually a signal that we’re about level-up in some way.
The conversation that makes you uncomfortable is uncomfortable because you care deeply about the outcome and don’t know if you can achieve it. The workout is uncomfortable because your body is being asked to do something it doesn’t yet know how to do easily. The risk is uncomfortable because there’s actually something at stake.
The good news is that if you can train yourself to read discomfort as information about a growth opportunity, instead of as a stop sign, your entire relationship with hard things changes.
Personally speaking, when I feel that familiar tightness in my chest, instead of asking “ugh…how do I make this go away?” I now start asking “what is this situation telling me?”
For me, the answer is almost always: “Pay attention Shola, something here matters, don’t run from this.”
I’ve used this reframe so many times it’s become automatic.
Here’s the deal, though: discomfort tolerance is a habit, not a personality trait. If you’ve been telling yourself “I’m just not a person who handles discomfort well,” please stop saying that. What you’re describing isn’t set in stone, it’s 👏🏾 a 👏🏾 pattern.
And thankfully, patterns can be changed.
But like any habit, it requires daily practice. You can’t do one cold shower at the end of June and claim mastery over all hard things for the rest of the year.
As you know, I love keeping things practical around here, here are two ways to build this skill.
1️⃣ Every morning, ask: “What’s one uncomfortable thing I can do today that moves me closer to who I want to become?” Then do it. And yes, I know that it sounds like I’m oversimplifying the process, but I’m not. It’s about keeping your word to yourself, and not allowing yourself to back out and betray your growth. If you said you’re going to do something, then do it.
2️⃣ Keep a discomfort journal. At day’s end, write down one uncomfortable thing you did and how it went. For example, this past weekend, I had a very uncomfortable (and very overdue) conversation with a loved one. It was a less-than-joyful experience for sure, but still, the dread I had beforehand was so much worse than the actual experience (and, as the saying goes, the only thing worse than getting your ass kicked is waiting for it to happen 😅). Ahem…back on topic—by keeping track of my wins in a journal, I have receipts to prove that I’ve survived every scary challenge that I wanted to run from.
Here’s why doing uncomfortable stuff matters.
We live in a world that is intentionally designed, more than at any time in history, to deliver us comfort on demand.
Hungry? An app delivers in twenty minutes. Bored? An infinite scroll on your social media app of choice will fix that in a hurry. Stuck on a complex problem? Your favorite AI bot will solve it for you in seconds. Lonely? A dating app could have someone over to your crib before you finish reading this article.
There’s an obvious problem with all of this. Remember the quote at the top of this article?
We’re constantly being fed the easier choice, and the result is that we’re becoming, collectively, mentally weaker than we’ve ever been. And mental weakness is not a useful trait in a world that never stops dishing out brutally hard moments. There’s too much at stake to suffer from the toxic need for things to be easy, because the harsh reality is that the universe just isn’t built that way.
The hard stuff is impossible to avoid, and because of that, this week I want you to reframe discomfort as a wise friend instead of as your arch-nemesis. And to be clear, I’m not talking about pain (which should be addressed immediately), I’m talking about discomfort.
The people who are maintaining their sanity in this wild reality are the ones who’ve intentionally built up their tolerance for discomfort, and the ones who can stay grounded when life inevitably tests them.
And yes, those are people who also have the highest capacity for kindness.
We can become one of those people, starting today, with one small manufactured moment of discomfort. Have the conversation, sign up for the thing, or if you’re feeling especially frisky, jump into a cold shower (I know no one is going to do the cold shower thing, but it’s not going to stop me from writing it 😅).
Regardless of what it is, I’m urging you to intentionally lean into the resistance instead of away from it.
Your future self is going to be so much stronger because of it. ❤️
Ubuntu,
Shola aka Brother Teresa
It’s free, it’s fast, and most of all, it tells me you value this work and that I should keep writing every week in pursuit of a kinder world. Just tap on the “❤️ LIKE” button below!
What’s one micro-experiment in discomfort you’re going to commit to this week? Drop it in the comments, and as always, let’s hold each other accountable in our journey to create a kinder world.
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