What You Actually Did Today

My therapist gave me an assignment a while back. Write down my accomplishments every night. I struggle with this feeling that I’m not good enough, that I’m not doing enough, that no matter what I get done in a day it somehow doesn’t count. So she said just write it down. What did you actually do today.

I resisted it at first, honestly. Felt kind of silly. But I started doing it and something shifted. I began to see that I was doing so much more than I thought. Not in a delusional everything is amazing way. Just, actually, factually, more.

I got a rejection email last week and I swear I could feel it land in my body. That specific drop. And within about ten seconds my brain had already rewritten the whole month around it. Forget the studio visit that went well. Forget the piece I finally finished. Forget the person who reached out just to say the newsletter meant something to them. None of that. Just the no, sitting there, taking up all the space.

This happens to basically every artist I know. Including me, constantly, even after thirty years of doing this.

One no and suddenly the story of your career rewrites itself as if nothing else counts.

And here’s the thing nobody talks about enough. So much of what we do is invisible even to ourselves. The research. The failed attempts. The conversations that quietly shaped a direction. The emails sent, the community built, the person you encouraged who went on to do something brave. None of that shows up in a portfolio or a resume. But all of it is the work. All of it counts. And if you’re not keeping track, it disappears.

For those of us with ADHD brains, this is even more pronounced. Our brains don’t retain positive experiences the same way. The negative sticks. The good slides off. That’s not a character flaw. That’s neurology. And it means we have to be more intentional about making the good visible to ourselves.

This isn’t about toxic positivity. I’m not saying pretend the rejection didn’t sting. It stung. Rejection is going to keep stinging your whole career, mine too. Agatha Christie got rejected for five years straight before anyone would publish her. And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street got turned down by 27 publishers. Stravinsky premiered The Rite of Spring and people threw actual fruit at the stage. None of that is a reason to quit and none of it means the no was the truth about the work.

What I’m saying is don’t let the no be the only thing you remember about the year.

Creative careers are cumulative. You don’t feel yourself changing while it’s happening because you’re standing too close to it. That’s exactly why the list matters. Six months from now you flip back through it and go wait, I did all of that? I forgot about half of this. That’s not ego, that’s just finally seeing clearly.

The list also keeps you in your own lane. You can’t compare your list to someone else’s because it’s yours. It’s not about who did more. It’s about what you actually did, in your actual life, with your actual circumstances.

An artist who only measures what’s missing will always feel behind, no matter how much they’ve actually built.

Here’s what my list looked like just from this past weekend:

Led a masterclass on pricing for my artists, answered questions, sent a summary, put the video in a folder so nobody had to ask for it later. Did a studio visit on Zoom. Wrote and sent a Substack post. Posted on social media and tagged artists, galleries, and collectives to build community. Went for a walk and stretched because my leg was tight. Ran a Sunday morning critique group. Took a Lyft solo to Torrance for the Nomad and Tryst art fairs, walked around for hours, took breaks when I needed to, paced myself. Sat alone at a table with my snacks and a Sprite and rested without guilt, then got back up and kept going. Went to an artist talk, had great conversations, went to happy hour. Went to a gallery opening with a friend. Had dinner. Watched something good. Texted someone I care about. Made plans for my next show… I could go on.

That was one weekend. I would have remembered maybe two of those things without the list.

So tonight, before you go to bed, write down three things you did today. Doesn’t have to be big. Doesn’t have to be impressive to anyone but you.

You’ve survived more of this career than you’re giving yourself credit for. Start keeping the receipts.

I don’t think Gooby (nmc) dwells too much on what he hasn’t accomplished.