the adulthood we were promised

i have very distinct memories of coming home from school dropping my bookbag and racing to my family’s “home” computer. shamefully not to do homework but to eagerly explore my new found love, the world wide web. a virtual world of my own- right at my fingertips.

i’d log on to all my favorite websites for weekly updates, making sure i was caught up on all the things. style.com was where i’d learn/discover hot fashion news & click through runway show imagery. marykateandashley.com was a daily refresh to see what trouble the twins were up to. a new movie? perfume? perhaps meet & greet?

but myscene.com was where i put in real hours. that website is burned into my brain because it essentially displayed my dream life and allowed me feel like it could be my own reality. it had all of favorite activities in the cutest and coolest format and there was SO much to do. mini tv episodes where we watched the lives of these young hot girlies living it up in new york city filled with cute clothes, cute boys and fun nights out. countless games playing dress up at the mall, doing your makeup, shopping sprees - all things i couldn’t WAIT to do as a young adult. these were my favorite mattel girls. i wasn’t a refined and sophisticated barbie girl by any means. but the sassy, spunky & stylish myspace girls madison, chelsea, nolee & delancey - all named after NYC streets/neighborhoods spoke my language and were my .com BFFs. they shopped, traveled, had fun sleepovers, dated cute boys - essentially lived the life that i couldn’t wait to cultivate for myself. they owned their independence, style and soaked up every moment of their youth.

around this time i was also starting to transition into more “grown up” content. reading more adult fashion magazines like instyle and cosmo and watching shows with older kids like laguna beach and the OC. but i still felt a strong connection to the myscene like illustrations as they allowed me to feel connected to the kid that i ultimately still was. i wasn’t too keen on the “10 ways to make him fall at your knees in the bedroom” articles in cosmo, but the style sections with fashion illustrations from artists like jordi labanda i could get down with. these illustrations felt like they straddled the line of catering to my innocent cartoon loving self but with a more grown up aspirational flair.

these specific fashion and lifestyle illustrations from this era have recently resurfaced on social media with the frequent connotation of “the adulthood we were promised.” a statement often associated with the feeling one gets while revisiting these illustrations.

two weeks ago i posted a reel on she’s underrated instagram reminiscing the illustrations that played a huge part of nightlife in the late 90s & early 2000s. specifically the creations of artist jason brooks who illustrated dreamlike fantasy girl characters for hedkandi - a UK dance music label best known for it’s house music mixes.

the illustrations he drew led the viewer into these fantasyscape worlds of nightlife. beautiful glossy dance floors, with gleaming disco balls and well dressed girls who own the night. not quite models, not quite dolls but maybe nightlife avatars and the night was your video game, so choose your fighter? the perfect way to set the scene for the music. giving you a chance to envision and create that energy yourself. whether poolside on vacation or hitting the town with your girls, the illustrations were a good way to showcase “it’s giving” before we even coined that term.

clearly those images struck a nerve because that video, to my absolute surprise, got over 36,000 likes and 280,000 views with over 1,000 comments nearly all claiming that these images were what they were hoping nightlife to feel like. so many emojis relating to sorrow, distant envy and somewhat disappointment.

another artist i highlighted was david tazzyman who for years illustrated flyers for one of ibiza’s hottest night clubs, cream. his drawings were less glossy and done up than jason’s but equally mesmerizing and dreamlike. his characters and scenes exuded a more cool, laidback vibe. with faces of relaxation or even RBF. showcasing quite the opposite of the high energy uns uns dance floor but a night where the in between moments are just as important. his characters sauntered, hung outside the club smoking cigarettes waiting to get in or enjoying the let out. chilled out on cool furniture in a swanky modern hotel lobby. if jason’s characters wore cavalli and versace, david’s wore commes, junya and prada sport.

i remember finally being able to hang out with friends unchaperoned at my local mall in 8th grade. i carried a coach shoulder bag i borrowed from my mom, with a mini wallet stuffed with a few dollars from babysitting, a brick like cell phone that had limited minutes in my hollister denim skirt accompanied by friends i adored and a heart full of possibilities. it almost felt like i was finally becoming one of those myscene girls. i was able to make choices and spend my time and money how i wanted to (within reason). first stop? sephora of course. this was an era where we as 13 year olds thankfully wanted very little in the makeup department (no shade to this new gen of tween beauty gurus) but we were just fine with our lancome juicy tube lipglosses and touch of mascara, maybe glittery eyeshadow if we were feeling fancy for a school dance. but still, going into sephora felt adult like. trying on products we weren’t interested in buying, swatching funky colors but ultimately being amognst grown women with amex’s and tons of beauty insider points. that alone felt cool. there weren’t too many brands i was interested in or could afford, seeing that my 8th grade self was not the target, but passing one particular brand caught my eye and i still think about the way it made me feel to this day.

stila cosmetics was founded in 1994 by makeup artist jeanine lobell. the packaging was made out of recycled materials to emulate water color palettes but the brands’ signature were the illustrations created by artist jeffrey fulvimari. these stila “it girls” felt like cool older cousins that had great jobs that offered them lots of disposable income to travel the world while wearing expensive footwear drinking top shelf champagne. she was the myscene girl post college. i was instantly heart eyes for the brand and bought as many of their signture lip glaze sticks as i could afford. i still remember the distinct sound of the click of the applicator.

i recently learned thanks to tiktok that a lot of these illustrations can be considered to be a part of the “shoe diva aesthetic” according to aesthetics.fandom (a site i frequently visit now lol) the shoe diva aesthetic is as follows:

while i do believe this definition is spot on, i feel like the target was not only adult women but for young women as well transitioning or aspiring to grown woman hood. still attached to youthful playful cartoon imagery but with dreams of being high achieving, high earning, well dressed and well traveled women. which is why i feel like so many of us still “feel things” when seeing these illustrations.

since creating she’s underrated i’ve had the absolute pleasure of meeting so many incredible people worldwide. one in particular who has quite literally changed my life and has helped transform this world i’ve been creating and bring my shoe diva, my scene illustration fantasies to life. i once got a DM from an incredible berlin based artist patrick mullins who offered to collaborate and create some pieces for me. i immediately responded to him as I was enthralled with his work. gorgeous larger than life figures he illustrated that showcased, strength, power and fabulousnes. on his bio writes “he is distinctive for his otherworldly figures. developing supernatural proportions in androgynous expression, extravagance and sexual liberation.” i had to work with him and 1 million ideas popped into my head. we spoke the same language when we got on facetime and i knew he’d be my artistic soulmate.

i’d create moodboards, write lengthy descriptions of my desires for party flyer imagery, playlist covers, while he created what we now call the SU vixens. a group of gorgeous 5 fantastic beings - in my head they are my marvel characters. and embody the lifestyle, presence, essence and essentially aspirational nostalgic feeling i’ve been trying to showcase to my community with my content for years.

in my last substack entry i shared that i believe i started this community as a way to connect back my inner child through nostalgia and storytelling. The SU Vixens, my sticky note party series, and everything we do together are my way of offering back that promise: a version of adulthood that’s joyful, stylish, and ours.

so thank you patrick, and thank you to all of you who see it, feel it, and support this vision. I can’t wait to bring the su vixens — and sticky note — to a city near you soon.

xoxo 💌