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During the early months of the Pandemic (August 2020), my eldest daughter, who was 18 at the time, excitedly came home from her yoga teacher training class with an exercise she wanted our family to do together.
It was a manifestation practice that asks you to connect with your inner voice.
My youngest daughter and I said yes immediately. My ex, sitting on the couch in the same room, was on his phone and didn’t want to join us. This frustrated me because I wanted him to support something my daughter had just learned and was excited to share with us.
But that didn’t stop me from participating and enjoying the process with my daughters.
So we listened to my daughter’s simple writing prompts, tapped into our hearts, and quickly wrote whatever came to mind on a sheet of paper without any filters or judgment.
The most alive version of myself I could picture was a happy, sun-kissed woman living near the beach in Portugal. I wrote about the work I’d be doing, the way I’d feel in my body, the friendships and laughter I’d experience, and the joy I’d feel.
I knew it was a lie even as the pen moved along the page.
It was a line about my husband being present in that vibrant, magical life with me, because I knew he would never agree to any of it.
I felt his heavy presence in the room with us and knew he would hear what I wrote when I read it aloud.
So, I forced myself to write it, even though it wasn’t true to my heart, as everything else was on the page.
Even though there were moments of frustration and loneliness within my long-term marriage, I still thought it was a “good enough” marriage. I was devoted to creating a beautiful family home for my daughters.
I won’t pretend his sudden departure wasn’t devastating, because it was.
I felt unbearably heartbroken and unmoored.
I gave 38 years of my life to someone, and when he walked out the door, it turned my entire life upside down.
But looking back now, that ending is what opened the door to everything else on that handwritten page.
In fact, this simple three-question mindset exercise, which I recently re-discovered tucked away in a file folder inside my suitcase, has led to the new, joyous, freedom-filled life I’m living now.
It felt less like coincidence and more like something divine, because how could I have known, sitting there writing with my daughter, exactly what was going to unfold in the future?
All I did was listen to my inner voice and open my heart while doing the exercise.
And without knowing it… I had redirected the course of my life.
But it took writing it down to clarify with myself and the universe what I actually wanted, even though at the time I hadn’t been thinking about or planning any of the things written on that page.
*Examples taken from my handwritten notes above (six years ago)
Thank you for giving me time and my health
Thank you for my beautiful family
Thank you for clarity about my next steps
Make sure to write what you want and how you feel.
Ask yourself… where do you want to live? Describe it specifically. What do you want to feel like (tap into your body and emotions)? Are you on your own? Who are you surrounded by? Picture it and write that vision down without consideration of anyone else.NOTE: Most importantly, DO NOT EDIT or THINK ABOUT what you are writing. Let it flow naturally, without judgment. Your practical, rational brain is not invited.
I wrote these in bullet points below, but you can write yours in paragraph form or whatever flows best for you.
*Examples taken from my handwritten notes above
Little apartment in Portugal
Near water/ocean
Town
Restaurants
Don’t want to wait for retirement to do this
Travel with family
Fun adventure before kids start school in fall (hopefully Portugal)
No stress or worry about anything
Just finding simple joy in everyday moments
Start with writing the headline…
Wow, Look At Her… and then each line underneath can say “She is…”
*Examples taken from my handwritten notes above
She is radiant, sun-kissed, and freckled on a magical trip to Portugal, walking on the beach
She glows with joy from the inside out
She’s able to be, laugh, love, and enjoy
She is not bound by parameters that are too small. Her creativity sets her free
She enjoys aging, but doesn’t feel old
When you’re finished with these exercises, read them over to see what has been revealed about your desires and dream life.
I had no intention of going anywhere when my daughter came home with this exercise!
We had just purchased my “dream home” in Northern California (and had only lived there for one year!), and we had recently welcomed a beautiful Golden Retriever into the family.
The LAST thing I had on my mind was moving to Portugal, so this strong and clear message that literally flowed out of me in seconds, without thought, is truly mind-blowing to me.
Every single thing on the list has happened, and I’m here now writing this post from my sunny apartment, a five-minute walk to the ocean in Portugal.
I would love to hear from you, Sisters! Tell me what unexpected messages or clarity emerge for you when you try this exercise.
Our next session (paid subscribers) is September 3rd at 9:00 am Pacific/Noon Eastern.
We’ll do this magical exercise together! I will lead the process. You don’t have to have the answers or anything figured out. In fact, please do not prepare. Just come as you are!
Sisterhood Circles are always the first Thursday of each month.
We’re in this together.
❤️ Love, Dr. Tamara
If you enjoyed this post, give it a ❤️ so I know you’re here with me.
I’m Dr. Tamara Monosoff. I have an MA in Marriage & Family Therapy and a Doctorate in Women in Leadership. Five years ago, my 38-year relationship ended in a way I never saw coming. I walked the path from debilitating grief to feeling clear, alive, and energized again; a healthier, stronger, and happier version of myself. Now I help women 50+ design lives on their own terms after Gray Divorce. Every week, I’ll share insights and practical wisdom, along with conversations with leading experts and women who’ve navigated gray divorce and emerged stronger on the other side.
Together, we’ll help you build a life that’s unapologetically yours.
Have a friend going through Gray Divorce?
Please share She’s Not Done Yet with her.
It may be the lifeline she needs.
❤️ Thank you! ❤️
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