The Ethical Slut (And the Ping Pong Tournament in My Head): The Coffee Shop Guy Chronicles

❤️ You belong here. Join the Sisterhood! ❤️

~ Episode 7 ~

So there we were, still wrapped in the candlelight, and I had just done the bravest thing.

I told him the truth…that I didn’t know what I wanted, that I was scared, and that part of me wanted to run.

And then he did something no man had ever done in response to my honesty.

He propped himself up, looked at me with those blue eyes, and said something I genuinely was not prepared for…

“We can design this relationship however we want to… with total freedom AND commitment.”

I blinked.

“We can be monogamous and still find ways to feel free,” he went on.

“Or we can have an open relationship, date other people, and still be committed to each other as the primary relationship. It’s up to us.”

Sister, I want to tell you I received this with the graceful, evolved openness of a woman who has done her healing work.

I. did. not.

My mind exploded. Truly.

If you could have heard the inside of my head, it sounded like someone had dumped a thousand ping pong balls down a wooden staircase.

Design our own relationship? Open? Monogamous? Other people? Freedom AND commitment? What does that even MEAN? How does that WORK?

I had spent 38 years in a marriage with exactly one setting… married and I didn’t ask too many questions.

Now this lovely man was handing me a menu with options I didn’t even know existed, and my brain, bless her, could not cope.

And the strangest part?

All this freedom he was offering made me want to run even more, not less… which makes no logical sense, but hearts rarely do.

So, I did what any slightly panicked, newly sexually awakened woman would do. I got a little defensive and turned it right back on him.

“Is that what YOU want?” I asked. “An open relationship? Dating other people? Are you projecting your own desires here?”

I braced for it. Surely this was the moment the other shoe would drop.

But he just shook his head.

“No,” he said. “I want a monogamous relationship with you. But I don’t want you to feel stuck. You’re just discovering what it feels like to be free. I don’t want to be the thing that closes that down for you.”

And... the ping pong tournament resumed… championship round.

Because who SAYS that?

Who looks at me and says the thing they want most is for me to feel free?

My automatic answer came out fast: “I definitely want to be monogamous with you.”

And I meant it. I think. Probably. Mostly. Shit! Now, I have no idea.

So, I told him I needed time to think about it.

But you know me by now…

Here’s a fun fact about me… when something overwhelms me, I don’t run from it. I research it into the ground.

So the moment I had a spare minute to myself, I hopped onto Amazon like a woman on a mission. I bought a book called The Ethical Slut, Third Edition: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love (3rd Edition, July 2025).

I KNOW. I know! Just typing the title made me clutch my metaphorical pearls. That’s a lot to process, believe me, I felt it too.

But here’s what surprised me… it’s a genuinely legitimate book, written by therapists, in the kindest, most inclusive, understanding tone you can imagine. No judgment. Just a warm, thoughtful invitation for people to explore their sex lives however they wish, as long as everything is built on mutual consent.

Sister! We are talking about THINGS I DID NOT KNOW WERE THINGS.

I bought the audiobook and set off for a long walk along the Paredão, that beautiful path that runs right along the ocean here in Portugal. Headphones in, ocean breeze, sun on my face, and a newly single 60-year-old woman learning about... a great many new things.

I listened to nine chapters. NINE.

Trying to stay open and trying to imagine the scenarios.

Trying, with everything in me, not to completely FREAK OUT on a public walkway.

By chapter nine, I had to stop.

Not because there was anything wrong with the book.

Honestly, I felt real appreciation for the authors. They honored so many different people, and the many ways there are of loving and living.

But my ping-pong tournament had reached fever pitch, and the audiobook was not calming the crowd. It was handing out more paddles.

So I did something I’m learning to do more and more these days.

I hit pause. I stood there on the Paredão, ocean in front of me, and gave myself permission not to have it all figured out.

And that’s when I realized I was right back where this whole conversation started.

The same four words.

The ones he asked me in the candlelight… the ones I still couldn’t fully answer…

“What do I want?”

Except this time, something was different.

This time, for the first time in my life, I actually get to decide.

Nobody was deciding for me. Not my ex. Not a book. Not even this wonderful man.

Just me.

And that realization, standing there by the ocean, cracked something open that I wasn’t expecting…

Something adventurous that I might actually want to try…

If you enjoyed my true story, give it a ❤️ so I know you’re here with me.

Leave a comment

Share

—------------------------

Episode 1: The Chance Encounter
Three days after my first one-night stand at 60, I walked into a Portuguese café and smiled at a stranger.

Episode 2: The First Date
I gave him a peck and bolted in my heels down the cobblestone road.

Episode 3: The Second Date
When he kissed me for the first time…my body responded

Episode 4: What Happened Upstairs
Frozen coconut oil + 🔥!

Episode 5: The Multi-Orgasmic Man
(And why this changed everything for me)

Episode 6: The Question I Couldn’t Answer
The most connected I’d ever felt, and every cell in my body wanted to run

Episode 7: The Ethical Slut (And the Ping Pong Tournament in My Head)
He offered me total freedom and my brain nearly short-circuited

Episode 8: The End.
Or, maybe it’s the beginning?

Episode 9: Mile High with the Coffee Shop Guy!
The Universe has a sense of humor. I cannot make this stuff up!

❤️ If you’re new here, I would LOVE for you to join our Sisterhood! ❤️

I’m Dr. Tamara Monosoff. I have an MA in Marriage & Family Therapy and a Doctorate in Women in Leadership. Five years ago, my 38-year relationship ended in a way I never saw coming. I walked the path from debilitating grief to feeling clear, alive, and energized again; a healthier, stronger, and happier version of myself. Now I help women 50+ design lives on their own terms after Gray Divorce. Every week, I’ll share insights and practical wisdom, along with conversations with leading experts and women who’ve navigated gray divorce and emerged stronger on the other side.

Together, we’ll help you build a life that’s unapologetically yours.

This is just the beginning. Let’s do this together!

Join the Sisterhood! You are not alone.