The Problem With Finding Your Purpose

I was reminded of that recently when I read Richard Leider’s The Purpose Check-Up, shared on Blue Zone.

The more I read, the more I wondered: Is this actually helping people or is it just giving them one more thing to feel inadequate about?

This particular article invites readers to reflect on their gifts, passions and values and then assess how purposefully they are living. There are questions about gratitude, contribution, courage, compassion, spirituality and what we hope to be remembered for. These are all great questions to sit with.

But when we put those questions within the context of a score, we move from reflecting on purpose to measuring it. And suddenly, there’s a way to feel as though who we are isn’t enough.

One line in particular really struck me the wrong way.

Those receiving the highest score are told:

“You’re clear about what truly matters to you and you’re mattering in the world.”

You’re mattering in the world !!!

Did I read that correctly?!?

And here I am living under the assumption that everyone is mattering in the world.

I acknowledge the article doesn’t say that those with lower scores don’t matter. But seeing those words at the highest score level made me feel that if I scored lower, maybe I wasn’t mattering as much as I should be - and that can become a harmful message.

I can appreciate the value in understanding what matters to us and trying to live in alignment. I agree that can bring greater meaning to our lives.

Where I struggle, is with what can be implied when we attach a score to that experience.

I don’t believe we graduate into mattering.

We don’t matter because we’ve identified our gifts.

We don’t matter because we wake up energized about the day ahead.

We don’t matter because we know what we’d like to be remembered for.

And we don’t matter because we can articulate the contribution we hope we’re making.

We matter because we’re here.

There is a lot of value in personal reflection, but only if we keep it in perspective.

Because once we turn those questions into a measure of how successfully we’re living, everything changes, and that’s where my discomfort with the search for our life’s purpose is.

Not in the act of reflection itself, but in the possibility that the search can become another way to feel inadequate.

We must be careful not to confuse success with mattering in the world. Whether or not someone feels successful, they matter!

Right now, wherever you are in life, You’re Mattering in the World !!!

The person founding a nonprofit isn’t necessarily living more purposefully than the person caring for an aging parent.

The artist isn’t necessarily living more purposeful than the accountant.

The person who can beautifully articulate a personal mission isn’t necessarily living more meaningfully than someone who has never once asked, “What is my purpose?”

Meaning isn’t determined by the size of our contribution or the clarity with which we can describe it.

Sometimes it is much quieter than that.

Making breakfast for someone you love.

Doing ordinary work with care.

Sitting beside a friend who is hurting.

Caring for an aging parent.

Laughing with someone.

Noticing that another person needs you.

Listening without thinking about what you’re going to say next.

Looking up long enough to see the world around you.

These things may never appear in a purpose statement.

They may never feel significant enough to be a calling.

But they are life.

So we need to be careful that we’re not looking for purpose in all the wrong places.

This is where my own philosophy differs from the way purpose is framed in this particular article.

I don’t experience purpose as something outside of us waiting to be identified, unlocked and then lived.

I experience it as something much more internal.

When I am fully present with another person, there is purpose in that moment.

When I pay attention to the life happening around me, there is purpose in that moment.

When I love, listen, help, notice, learn, grieve, laugh, work, rest or simply experience what it means to be alive, I don’t need those moments to add up to a larger mission before they become meaningful.

They already are.

So when I encounter the cultural question,

What is my purpose?

I find myself wanting to replace it with another:

Am I here for my life?

Am I present for this conversation?

Am I noticing the person in front of me?

Am I paying attention?

Am I allowing ordinary moments to matter without asking what they are accomplishing?

Can an ordinary Tuesday be worthy of my full attention simply because I am alive to experience it?

For me, those questions don’t diminish the idea of purpose.

They bring it closer.

They take purpose out of some future destination and place it exactly where I believe it belongs:

Here in the present.

There is nothing wrong with seeking greater clarity about how we want to live or wanting our lives to contribute to something we care about.

But while we’re doing that, I hope we don’t inadvertently create the impression that meaning is waiting for us somewhere we haven’t reached yet.

Or that we need to discover something about ourselves before our lives truly matter.

Because whatever else we may still be figuring out about why we’re here:

We are already here.

We already matter.

Purpose isn’t something we need to find. It’s something we need to be present for.