How We Handle Kids’ Activities

It’s officially that time of year again. Back to school is upon us which means registration emails are rolling in, the school calendars are coming out, and parents everywhere are trying to figure out which activities make sense for their kids, and their family.

I actually think this can be one of the harder parts of parenting. On one hand, you hear a lot of conversations about kids being overscheduled or burned out from all of the activities. On the other hand, I personally believe activities can have so much value. I played sports my whole life growing up and I was also in activities like Girl Scouts and drama club.

And participating in those activities gave me confidence but it also helped me form friendships, and some of my favorite childhood memories.

I want my kids to have those experiences, too. But the challenge is finding the balance between giving them those experiences and making sure our family isn’t constantly always running from one thing to the next.

People ask me all the time how we decide what our kids can do and what they can’t, so I thought I’d share our rule of thumb for managing this. It’s definitely not the only way to do it, and I’m sure it’ll change a lot as our kids get older, but it’s what works for us right now.

I’d imagine this is one of the biggest factors for most families, and for us it is no different. Some activities are more expensive than others so it tends to be a big part of the conversation!

For anyone who’s interested, here are a few examples of what we’ve paid recently. These are per child costs!

• Dance: about $60/month

• Gymnastics: around $125/month

• Taekwondo: about $166/month

• Recreational soccer: about $180 for the season

• Swim lessons: about $300 for five lessons

I know these numbers can vary a lot depending on where you live and what options are available to you, but I always find it helpful when people share the real costs, so I figured I would do the same.

Can we actually get everyone there? Does it conflict with another kid’s activity? Who’s doing the pickups and drop offs? When will we be able to eat dinner that night?

I’ve learned that saying yes to an activity means saying yes to everything that comes along with it. The driving to and from, the uniforms and supplies, the last minute game schedule, the snacks in the car between school and practice, there is a lot and it all adds up.

One of the simple ways we’ve managed activities is by having a pretty straightforward rule for our family.

Each child can choose one activity per season.

It doesn’t have to be a sport. It could be dance, theater, STEM club, chess club, robotics, art, baseball, whatever they’re into. We just want our kids to have the opportunity to explore their interests and be part of something outside of school.

The reason we’ve decided on one activity is because it gives our kids the experience and benefits without our family schedule becoming completely overwhelmed by extracurriculars. However, as the kids get older, the practices become more frequent, the seasons get longer, and the time commitment can grow very quickly.

Limiting it to one activity per kid has been our way of making sure to protect family time while still saying yes to the activities that matter to our kids.

Of course, there are exceptions, but having this rule has made a lot of our decisions much easier.

The exception to our one-activity rule is what we consider family activities.

Swim lessons fall into this category because I personally see swimming as a life skill, not just an activity. Ski lessons are another one for us because skiing is something my husband and I love to do and we want to be able to do it together as a family.

Whenever possible, we schedule those types of activities so that all four kids can go at the same time. When they were younger, gymnastics was an activity that worked that way.

I love when we have an activity where everyone can be in one place instead of four different places!

When our kids were little, our one-activity rule felt incredibly manageable. Dance was once a week. Soccer was once a week. Gymnastics was once a week. Even with multiple kids, it was fairly easy to fit everything into our schedule.

What I didn’t see coming was just how much those same activities would expand as the kids got older.

I noticed it when my oldest was around eight years old. That was when things started to shift for us. Baseball was no longer one practice and one game. It was now multiple practices plus games. Dance class went from one night a week to three. The activity we were doing didn’t change, but the time commitment sure did.

I hate to be the person who says, “Just wait,” because I know how unhelpful that can feel as a parent. But this is one of those situations where I actually wish someone had given me a heads-up. It would not have changed things but I might have prepared differently. Because the change did not come because we suddenly added more activities, it happened because the activities we were already doing became much bigger commitments.

So if you’re reading this and you have toddlers or preschoolers and you are thinking, “One activity per child sounds easy,” you’re probably right... for now. It is just good to know that as your kids get older, even sticking to one activity for each kiddo can fill your calendar much faster than you expect. I know I personally would have appreciated knowing that before we got to this phase of life.

I have found that a lot of the work around managing activities has less to do with the activity itself and more to do with everything around it.

Who’s making dinner that night? Do we need to eat on the go?

Can homework get done before we leave or does it have to be after?

Can one parent do drop-off while another does pickup?

Can we coordinate with another family?

Right now, one of my daughters has tumbling class at the exact same time another daughter has dance class in a different location. There’s logistically no way one person can be in both places, so we’ve started coordinating with friends. Sometimes I’ll drive one child and then another parent will bring her home. Sometimes we switch week to week.

I know asking for help doesn’t always come naturally to most of us, but carpooling has been one of the best ways that we’ve made our schedule more manageable. If another family is already going to the same place, it never hurts to ask if they want to share the work!

One other thing people often ask me about activities is whether or not I let my kids quit. My answer to this is, yes. They can quit… BUT they have to fulfill their commitment. If you asked me to sign you up for soccer you have to finish the season. If you asked for gymnastics and I paid for 6 weeks, you can quit at the end. You can always quit and you can always try new things but you do have to see the commitment through.

(of course if there is a specific reason a kid is uncomfortable continuing we consider that but if they just do not like the activity we wait until the end before we decide to stop.)

Every family has different budgets, schedules, priorities, and support systems, so there isn’t a “right” way to approach activities for your family.

This is simply what has worked for us. We limit to one activity per child each season, we do a few family activities a year that everyone does together, and we remain flexible when life inevitably gets busy.

I’d love to hear how your family handles activities. Do you have a limit on how many they can do? Have your evenings gotten busier as your kids have gotten older like mine have? Do you have any carpool hacks or scheduling tips you’ve learned along the way? Share them in the comments, I always love hearing how other families make it work.