How to Like Your Birthday

When we are born, we are each anointed with a gift. Some will play sports so well they win a gold medal at the Olympics. Some will become the researcher who cures cancer. Others will go to the moon. Me?

I am excellent at enjoying my birthday.

I cannot remember a birthday I didn’t enjoy. I love my birthday and I love other people’s birthdays. My ability to have fun is not just birthday specific. I am simply good at enjoying myself. Need a plus one to a wedding? I will have the time of my life. Was that movie good? Not sure but I definitely had a blast watching it. I love holidays of all kinds. Valentine’s, St. Patrick’s, Halloween. I have never related to the eye rolls and sighs about it all being a ploy by the greeting card companies. They can have my money if it means I get to wear a festive headband and drink a themed beverage.

But my birthday is extra special. I look forward to it all year. I always enjoy it. I plan elaborate parties and trips. But I know that many of you out there don’t share my abilities, that you may even dread or, worse, ignore your birthdays. So today, like an NBA star donating their time to coach underprivileged youths, I too have decided to share my skill with you. If you and your birthday have always been at odds, fear not. Some are born great and some have greatness thrust upon them. I’m thrusting birthday greatness upon you today.

These tips are simple, but sometimes we just need to have someone show us the way. Follow me…

Step 1: Plan Yourself a Nice Day

I know many of you who are weaker than me see birthdays as a source of unnecessary pressure and unmet expectations. That’s okay — we will strengthen you. To begin, you must throw out all your preconceived notions about what a birthday has to be. Sure, traditions are great (I am partial to traditions, personally). But like every broken family in a movie, we will learn that we can make our own.

Many people may jump straight to planning a party or a dinner, but let’s zoom out. A birthday is not just an evening. A birthday is 24 hours of opportunity (at minimum). You get to fill these hours with whatever you want. Plan to fill your day with small joys that will make you happy no matter how the day unfolds.

Do you have a favorite breakfast? Buy the ingredients beforehand or schedule a take out order. Favorite song? Have it queued to hit play the second you wake up. Whip out that body scrub you never use in the shower. Take the back way to work if it’s prettier. Sit in the sun and eat your lunch. Don’t have to work? Pick a solo activity you might like to do. The friends will come later, but what’s something you like to do on your own? Is there an art gallery you’ve never been to? A book store you love? Obviously you’ll be doing all of this with your favorite coffee beverage in hand. Go sit by the lake/river/ocean/pond for 10 minutes. There are a million little ways to make yourself smile. Figure out what they are.

If you’re not used to planning a day that is entirely to your tastes, it might take some practice. But it’s worth it. I suggest picking 2-3 things that if you do them, you will consider it a successful birthday. Saw a body of water and ate a cookie? Sounds like a successful birthday to me! People are scared of expectations but expectations won’t kill you. And putting the expectations on things that are squarely in your control will make anything else feel like a bonus

Step 2: Tell People It’s Your Birthday

I know: some of you think it makes you interesting to not tell anyone it’s your birthday and then later have a breakdown when no one wishes you a happy birthday. Or maybe you’re hoping your new acquaintance put it on their calendar when you mentioned it offhandedly 6 months ago. And I hope that too! But listen, they probably didn’t. You have to tell people it’s coming up. Me personally? I tell everyone I see the second March begins (March 27th btw write it down). And if it’s the actual day of my birthday? I’m telling the barista as I check out and shouting it out the window going down the highway. But you can do whatever version fits your personality. Tell your coworker when they ask about your weekend plans. Mention it to your roommate if they don’t already know. Your friends probably know or will know when you invite them to your celebration (see next step), but it never hurts to bring it up again.

Step 3: Plan a Celebration

Okay let’s get into it. The most classic way to celebrate a birthday: the birthday party. This was a form of social currency at my preschool teaching job. One wrong move, one stolen toy, and you earned yourself a “you’re not invited to my birthday party!” The parents sent out invites to the whole class so, yes they were. But you’re an adult now and you have complete control over what this celebration may be. So let’s figure out what you want.

Maybe it’s a real classic party. People come to your house and drink punch and eat cake. Or maybe it’s a dinner with 4 of your closest friends! Maybe you go out on the town. Go to a concert! The fair! Go watch the local chess tournament! Your options are endless. When making this decision there are a few things to consider:

Do you like to plan to things? I know you will be shocked to hear that I love to plan events. I threw myself a wedding for my 27th birthday including a 9 foot veil and a weekend trip to the beach with 13 of my closest friends. That’s because I know that I love the actual planning. I like to book things and buy supplies and attempt to DIY themed decor. If this is you, then you’re probably not needing any of this advice. Go for broke. Rent a jump castle and invite 50 people. Have an amazing time.

But maybe you don’t love to host. Maybe you like attending parties but having to decide whether to buy beer or white claw is just too much for you. If you’re thinking of a small gathering, maybe go to a dinner out! Or if you want a bigger guest list, pick a bar and just tell everyone to show up. If you go this route, pick a friend or two to meet at your house before and travel with you. That way you don’t have to face the “oh god no one’s coming to my birthday party” panic alone at a bar. This format also works for any other kind of event, like a concert or sports game. You don’t even have to organize the purchase of tickets. Just make sure you and a friend or two have your tickets together and then let everyone know where you’re sitting for their own purchases. Easy peasy, very little planning and stress, lots of birthday fun.

Or maybe you just really truthfully do not like attention. This is not a feeling I could begin to relate to, but that doesn’t mean we’re just going to leave you out in the cold. You still have options. Pick one friend. Pick an activity you like: bowling, nature walk, walking around an Old Navy. Something that requires some attention so it’s not all on you. Acquire some kind of sweet treat to eat. Successful birthday celebration. Everyone deserves to do something fun with a friend on their birthday, you just get to decide what that something is.

No matter which option you pick, you will need to select some accomplices. These are the couple of people who understand your dream and vision for your birthday. You will need to communicate your vision with them beforehand and ask if they are able to carry it out with you. Maybe this means asking them to come to the party an hour early to pregame so you don’t have to welcome the first guests alone. Maybe this means verbalizing to them that you intend to close the bar down and asking them if they can commit to doing this with you. Or maybe you want them to ask the restaurant to bring you a dessert with a candle. What we’re doing here is keeping you from being hurt by unmet expectations that you didn’t verbalize. You don’t want to be surprised by everyone leaving at 9 PM when you thought it was going to be a 2 AM kind of night. Having your accomplices will also steel you against the pain of last minute cancellations, which always happen. People get sick, get tired, bail for no reason. You can handle this because you have your accomplices. They’re in it with you. They love you and they want to show up for you, let them know how!

I also want to say I know you might be in a situation right now where you don’t have many people to invite, even if you want to. Maybe you just moved somewhere new, or lots of your friends have moved away, or many other reasons why you might be in a lonelier time in your life. Having moved to London by myself years ago, I very much relate to this. Birthdays can be hard when you don’t have a ton of close friends nearby. I do think this is an opportunity to let your new acquaintances become closer friends. Let them know it’s your birthday and you’d love to get dinner/go on a walk/etc etc. It might feel a little scary, but that’s okay. Vulnerability turns arms-length friendships into emergency contacts. And if it doesn’t work or they’re not free, that’s okay too. Return to step 1 and plan yourself an amazing solo day. You’ll have another birthday next year, and all the years after that. Friends will come and go, birthdays are forever. You know yourself better than anyone, and you can give yourself the gift of a fun, easy day no matter what. I love you!

Step 4 - Buy a Cake and Party Hats

Buy yourself a birthday cake. This advice comes from my mom, who instilled in me a love of birthdays from a young age. It’s your birthday!! You need a little sweet treat and candles. It’s nice to be sung to and not know what to do with your face or hands. It’s apart of it. The type of treat can vary, but unless you know for absolute certain that someone else is providing it for you, buy yourself a cake AND candles. Worst case scenario you get two cakes. Which would rock.

And I don’t care what you say, buy some DAMN party hats and make everyone where them. I promise it’s soooo much fun and just adds a level of whimsy. I personally wear a little sash or crown all day. It makes people laugh. They tell you happy birthday. It’s silly and fun. Let’s all FOCUS and have some FUN!

Step 5: Crying is Chic

At the end of the day, no matter how much fun you have, there is a high chance you cry on this day. Happy tears, sad tears, inexplicable tears. So many people cry on their birthdays. Maybe it’s the getting older, the attention, the 8 whiskey sours. You might cry, and that’s not only okay, it’s actually incredibly chic. You are the star of the show, you are wearing a beret in a Parisian black and white film, your tears staining the hand written letter from your ex-lover as you smoke a cigarette in your apartment. You’re the ingenue, the misunderstood it-girl. It is in fact your party and you will cry if you want to. Crying does not indicate a failure of a birthday. It indicates emotion, grandeur, a depth of feeling no one could ever understand. Something terrible happens to you? On your BIRTHDAY?? You are the target of oppression, the star of a Shakespearean tragedy. You are crying because you are the birthday girl*. What could be more compelling?

(*gender neutral)

Those are my tips! The heart of these tips is learning how to make yourself happy, a skill that has helped me on the other 364 days of the year as well. And I hope they help you too! If you are reading this the day it comes out, you are reading this the day before the greatest day of the year: MY BIRTHDAY!! I am 100% sure I will have an amazing day. I always do. And now you can too! Happy birthday, whenever it may be!