Me Time

Before we get into this week’s post, a couple of announcements:

• The annual Grace Hopper Celebration has a call for proposals out and I think I’m going to apply. You should too. It closes February 27, so you have a whole month to do it. If you want help thinking through an idea, join us at….

• Have a problem you’re chewing on and want feedback? Or just want to hang out while we tell inappropriate jokes? Join the next Sharp Skirts virtual office hours, Thursday, Feb 12th at 10:30am CT. Send Carla a DM to be added to the invite.

And now, a meditation on what you deserve (hint: it’s a lot)

I have a trip planned this week, to the mountains in Colorado with a group of women writers. We met at a writing retreat in Maine last fall and, in one of those cosmic turns of the universe that can’t be explained, all immediately became sisters. We tacitly and collectively decided to be both fiercely honest and ferociously supportive of each other. (Who likes adverbs? I do!), and that seems to be lasting long past the Maine trip. So we’re reuning in Colorado Thursday. Sounds divine right? What a lucky human I am, to have such friends.

So why have I spent the past week trying to talk myself out of going?

It’s partially travel. I was in London in late December and am still savoring being home. And flying these days is slightly less painful than a root canal from a Russian dentist. But those are aesthetics; neon-colored paint that distracts from the real issue at hand. The real issue — I don’t think I deserve it.

This has something to do with my mother (doesn’t it always), so stick with me for a minute. Devoting time and energy and attention to yourself is sinful. It distracts you from God, and is a byproduct of the ‘humanist’ Me Generation, who elevated themselves above all others. It is, in a word, selfish. And being selfish is the ultimate sin, only slightly less horrible than sex outside of marriage.

You are selfish when you advocate for yourself. You are selfish when you ask others to prioritize you. You are selfish when you even consider the concept of feminism. And while these are all things my mother believed, she didn’t dream them up by herself. They’re edicts hammered onto women by society at large.

You have too many responsibilities to consider before considering yourself. You don’t deserve prioritization. You don’t deserve rest, connection, restoration, just plain joy. Who’s going to feed your children while you’re doing all that?

Granted, sometimes I’m just lazy. But how many times has “I don’t deserve it” played a part in me not doing something? I suspect much more than I’ve realized.

I want to challenge us all to defeat this voice. Whatever it is you’re considering doing for yourself right now? Do it. I promise you deserve it.

xoxo,
Carla