What do you get the man who already has everything — including a gold toilet, a $400 million jet from the Qatari government, and multiple felony convictions? Here’s a handy Father’s Day gift guide for what to get the sexual predator dad currently running the country into the ground while committing countless high crimes.
The United States didn’t lose the war in Iran. In fact, we got second place! What better way to commemorate the historic deal your dad signed than with some hardware he can put up on the mantel of the Oval Office?
Where to Buy: Any local trophy maker
Despite your dad paying his best pool guys millions of dollars to repair and repaint the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool, it appears the water is right back to it’s algae-filled, pre-renovation state. Who could have predicted that this administration would spend a ton of money trying to improve a situation only to leave it worse off than it was before? It’s almost like it’s a perfect metaphor for something. So much for draining the swamp.
Where to Buy: Wholesale industrial chemical supplier
Let’s face it — it can be hard to stay awake during boring international summits, press conferences, cabinet meetings, and basketball games. That’s especially true when you’re an 80-year-old man who was up until six in the morning rage-posting death threats against entire civilizations. Luckily, with these Fully-AwakeTM Groucho Marx glasses, your dad will be able to fool everyone into thinking he’s still fully lucid, while he’s secretly drifting off to sleep dreaming about winning the 2020 election.
Where to Buy: Amazon
You don’t have to spend a ton of money to give dad a meaningful gift. Besides, who doesn’t love a hand-drawn card to hang up on the mini fridge of their gold-plated PJ?
Where to buy: N/A
If your dad doesn’t already have one, he’s definitely going to want one of these to cover up the countless financial crimes, constitutional crimes, and crimes against humanity that he’s committed, both as president and as a private citizen. Those Epstein Files sure ain’t gonna shred themselves!
Where to buy: Office Depot
If there is any justice in this world, your predator president dad will eventually wind up doing hard time in one of these. So why not send him off to that supermax in style?
Where to Buy: Louis Vuitton Website
What other gift ideas would be great for predator president dad?
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