From the Desk of Dr. Kali DuBois
North of the Golden Gate Bridge
Wednesday, August 19th · 9:34 PM
Amigos,
Well, hot and heavy, pumpkin pie
Chocolate candy, Jesus Christ
There ain't nothing please me more than you
There was a stretch of time when I would go over to Andy’s place in Berkeley and simply sit on his sofa while he read. I would watch his eyes move across the page, then hear that small, almost private grunt he made when something in the writing landed.
Have you ever met anyone who feels like home?
Have you ever loved someone who didn't just feel like a lover—but somehow, inexplicably, felt like home?
What does the connection between the two of you actually mean to you?
Find a quiet moment.
Let your eyes rest on the page.
Now…
allow yourself to remember a time when you were deep inside a woman and something more than pleasure took over.
Not just the physical build.
Not just the usual release.
A moment when love was actually present as you came—
and she was happy you were there.
Maybe it started earlier that day, or that night, when she first saw you.
The soft, unguarded shift in her face.
The way her eyes lit up before she even smiled.
That quiet, instinctive happiness that said she was glad it was you walking toward her.
Carry that look with you into the memory of being inside her.
See the room.
Feel the heat of her skin against yours.
Notice the exact weight of her body under you, or the way her legs wrapped around you and held you there.
And as you look into her eyes while you move inside her,
notice that same happiness is still there.
Not just lust.
Something softer and far more intense.
The look that said she wanted you—not just the orgasm, but the man who was about to give it to her.
The same open, bright recognition she had when she first saw you.
Feel what happened in your chest when you met that gaze.
The sudden drop.
The way your thrust slowed for half a second because the feeling hit harder than the physical pleasure.
The quiet recognition that this wasn’t just fucking—
this was being completely received by a woman who was genuinely happy you were there,
happy it was your body covering hers,
happy it was you she was opening for.
Hear the sound of her breathing against your neck.
Or the soft, broken sound she made when she felt you swell and throb inside her.
Notice how her hands held you—fingers digging into your back or your arms, not to push you away, but to keep you close as you started to go over.
The same hands that would have reached for you the moment she saw you across a room.
Let yourself drop all the way into it.
Feel the deep, heavy rhythm of your body moving into hers.
The heat building at the base of your spine.
The way every thrust carried more than friction—
it carried the need to be inside her as fully as possible,
to pour yourself into a woman whose eyes still held that quiet happiness at seeing you.
Remember the exact second it happened.
The moment the pleasure peaked and love flooded in at the same time.
The way your body locked, your cock pulsing hard inside her,
while something in your chest cracked open and stayed open—
because she was looking at you the way she did when she was simply happy you existed in her world.
Stay there.
Let the feeling spread.
The tight, pulsing release.
The deep warmth in your chest.
The way your arms tightened around her as you came,
as if your body itself was trying to hold onto the connection
and the simple fact that she was glad it was you.
Allow that same feeling to rise in you now—
the particular intensity of loving a woman while you empty yourself into her,
of being completely present at the moment of orgasm,
of looking into her eyes and knowing she feels you—not just your cock, but you—
and that some part of her is still happy you are there.
This is what love during orgasm actually feels like from the inside.
Not performance.
Not just relief.
Just a man so present with a woman that the peak of pleasure becomes the peak of connection,
rooted in the quiet truth that she was happy to see him.
Breathe with it.
Let it fill you.
And when you’re ready,
you can return…
carrying a little more of that deep, open, loving intensity with you.
According to L. Michael Hall (founder of Neuro-Semantics), a deep connection is not primarily an emotion or a feeling that “just happens.” It is the result of specific frames of mind — the higher-level meanings, beliefs, values, and understandings a person holds about love, relating, bonding, and the other person.
In his book Games Great Lovers Play: Mastering the Game of Love (2004), Hall is explicit:
“Love is ultimately about your frames of mind. Your mental and emotional frames determine your thoughts-and-feelings of love, about love and loving, and about all of the facets that affect love — differences, bonding, connecting, communicating, conflicting, forgiving, caring, listening, playing, and pleasuring.”
Too many get lost in the chase for pleasure and completely forget the deeper arts that actually create lasting desire: bonding, listening, and playing.
So let’s play with higher frames for a moment.
The higher frames of being deeply in love.
In Neuro-Semantics, a “higher frame” is the meaning you place above the experience itself. It is the mental and emotional context that governs how you feel, what you notice, and how you show up. The primary experience of sex, touch, or closeness is one level. The frames you hold about that experience — about love, about the other person, about what connection means — sit above it and shape everything that happens below.
The higher frames of being deeply in love are not the feelings of warmth or arousal.
They are the quiet, governing meanings such as:
“This person is worth knowing beyond the surface.”
“I am safe to be fully present with them.”
“Desire and care can exist in the same moment.”
“Bonding is more important than performing.”
“I want to understand them as much as I want to be with them.”
“Love is something we co-create, not something I extract.”
These frames turn ordinary physical closeness into something that feels like home. Without them, even intense pleasure stays thin. With them, the same touch carries weight, memory, and meaning.
Now… let’s elicit them.
What does it mean to you, at the deepest level, to be deeply in love with someone?
When you are operating from that place, how do you look at her?
What do you notice that most people miss?
What becomes more important than getting your own needs met in that moment?
How do you listen when you are in that higher frame?
What changes in the quality of your attention?
And if you were to carry that frame into the next time you are close to her — physically, emotionally, or both — what would be different in the way you touch, the way you move, the way you stay present?
How do we love when the world around us feels so unloving? And perhaps the harder question: how do we dare to love again after that world has taught us not to?
Back to that feeling of home. I would lie in bed beside him while he told me stories. I needed those stories almost the way a child needs a bedtime story—his voice beside me, carrying me somewhere else, making the rest of the world disappear for a little while.
Do you remember that day you fell outta my window?
I sure do, you came jumping out after me
Well, you fell on the concrete, nearly broke your ass
And you were bleeding all over the place
And I rushed you out to the hospital, you remember that?
Yes, I doWell, there’s something I never told you about that night
What didn’t you tell me?
While you were sitting in the back seat, smoking a cigarette
You thought was gonna be your last
I was falling deep, deeply in love with you
And I never told you ‘til just now
Dr. Kali DuBois, PhD
P.S. Reading about seduction and hypnosis is one thing. Learning how to actually create connection, attraction, and chemistry is another. We train it live every Thursday night. If you’ve been reading this thinking, I need to learn this, DM me on Discord and I’ll show you how to join us. https://discord.gg/wV32T2wHQ
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