A Brother, A Son, A Father, Learning to Serve God in Every Role ... My 2 Cents.

Welcome back to My 2 Cents.

Sometimes God uses someone else’s story to reveal something He has been teaching us about our own. Recently, my wife was texting with a dear sister, a close friend and what I would call a soul sister. This sister was asking my wife to pray for her younger son, a teenager who is going through some struggles. Some of those struggles have been influenced by decisions made by his older brothers, but there is also something deeper happening in his heart. He is still learning to see the goodness of Christ and understand why obedience to Him matters.

After my wife prayed for this young man, something in her heart prompted her to share with me a thought that would stay with me, the important role an elder son and an older brother can play in the lives of their family. An older brother may not realize how closely his younger brother is watching him. His choices, his character, his relationship with God, and the way he treats his family can leave an impression that lasts for years. An elder son can also become an important source of strength to his father, especially as the family moves through different seasons of life.

I’m fifty-five now, and that conversation took me back through my own life. When I was a teenager, I did whatever I wanted. I followed the desires of my flesh and didn’t think much about the consequences. There were sins I justified in my own mind, and some continued for years. My thinking was simple, if my flesh wanted it, then it was worth the risk. I lived for the moment without understanding how deeply my decisions could affect the people around me.

When I was twenty-three, I left home because of a disagreement with my father over the woman I wanted to marry, the woman who is my wife today. At the time, I believed my father was being stubborn. Instead of having the humility and patience to work through the disagreement, I simply left. But my younger brother was only fourteen. I thought I was making a decision about my own life. I didn’t understand that, as his elder brother, my decision would affect him too.

After I got married, my father and I didn’t speak for nine years. Then my mother suddenly passed away from a massive cardiac arrest at the age of sixty. It was a devastating blow for all of us. I was thirty-three, and my younger brother was twenty-four. When I came home for my mother’s funeral, I saw my younger brother in an extremely fragile state. He was anxious and experiencing heart palpitations, and I ended up taking him to the hospital. His mother was gone, and the brother who had left years earlier had suddenly returned, but would soon be leaving again.

I didn’t have the humility then to understand what it meant to be an elder brother. It took many years for God to open my eyes to that. Over the last few years, my wife has continually reminded me, “You need to be there for your brother.” She wasn’t asking me to rewrite the past, because neither of us can change what has already happened. She was reminding me that, through God’s grace, I can choose how I live today and how I show up for my brother in the years God has given us.

Recently, God gave me an opportunity to do that. My younger brother and I were in Switzerland for my niece’s wedding, and we stayed in the same hotel room for several days. We talked, spent time together, and got to know one another in a way we hadn’t really done before. For those few days, I experienced something I should have valued much earlier in life. I got to be his older brother. I know I cannot recover the years I lost, but I can choose to be present now.

And then I look at my own two sons. For many years, my elder son was by my side. He was my strength and helped me in ways he probably didn’t even realize. In many ways, he also became almost like a second dad to his younger brother. As a father, watching an older son care for his younger brother is a tremendous blessing.

Over the years, both of my sons have walked through their own struggles, disappointments, wounds, and challenges. Those experiences have created distance between them and, at times, distance from God. I have spoken about many of those struggles in previous podcasts, so I don’t want to revisit all of those details here. What I want to say is that, as a father, I deeply miss the closeness they once had. I know my elder son has his own journey, and I don’t blame him for the distance that has developed. At the same time, I know my younger son misses his elder brother, and he continues to wrestle with surrendering his own desires, yielding to God’s plan, and learning to trust the Lord’s direction for his life. That reality has caused me to look beyond their circumstances and ask God what He is teaching me about my own responsibility as a father.

Proverbs 17:17 says, **”A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”** I understand that verse differently today. A brother can be someone God uses to stand beside you when life becomes difficult. Being an elder brother doesn’t mean being perfect or having all the answers. It means being willing to be there.

And Micah 6:8 says, **”He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”**

When I look back at my life, I realize that God has been teaching me exactly that. Not simply to know what is right, but to walk it out with humility. God has been humbling me, revealing my failures, and teaching me to faithfully fulfill the roles He has entrusted to me, as a son, an elder brother, and as a father. I am learning that these roles are not simply positions within a family. They are opportunities to walk humbly with God, serve the people He has placed in my life, and glorify His name.

But I cannot force my sons to reconcile. I cannot force my younger son to change, and I cannot make my elder son come closer. What I can do is pray, love, encourage, remain available, and trust God with what I cannot control.

Because ultimately, this isn’t just a story about my brother or my sons. It’s a story about me, and about God’s mercy toward me.

I was once an elder son and an older brother who placed my own selfish desires before the responsibilities God had given me. I wanted what I wanted, and I pursued it without the humility and obedience necessary to understand the influence I carried.

Now, at fifty-five, I am watching my two sons navigate their own struggles, wounds, choices, and relationship with God. I don’t believe God is showing me their weaknesses so that I can judge them. I believe He is teaching me to pray for them, love them, and stand in the gap for them, trusting that in His perfect timing, they will walk the distance toward surrendering their lives fully to Him.

And I, as an elder brother, certainly didn’t understand when my younger brother was fourteen what my decision to leave home would mean for him, not only for the years that followed, but also for the man he would eventually become and the way he would carry his own role as a father to his children. Our choices can travel much farther than we ever realize. What we do in one season of our lives can leave an imprint on relationships and even on generations we may never realize we have influenced.

And perhaps that is where God’s mercy has brought me. I cannot rewrite my past, but I can allow God to use it to change the man I am today. I can choose humility where I once chose pride, obedience where I once chose my own desires, and presence where I was once absent.

Perhaps that is what God wanted me to understand through my wife’s prayer for that young man, and through her gracious reminder of my own past. As she prayed for a younger brother who is being affected by the choices of those who came before him, God reminded me of the younger brother I once had, and the responsibility I carried as his elder brother. He reminded me that our choices can travel much farther than we ever realize, shaping relationships, influencing lives, and sometimes reaching into the next generation.

So if you are an elder son or an older brother listening to this, don’t underestimate your influence. Someone may be watching you. Someone may be depending on you. Someone may be quietly waiting for you to show up. You don’t have to be perfect, and you don’t have to have all the answers. Be present. Be humble. Be faithful. Honor your father and mother, carry the responsibilities God has entrusted to you as a son, and be there for your younger brothers and sisters. Don’t see these responsibilities merely as burdens, but as opportunities to serve God, strengthen your family, and point the people coming behind you toward Christ.

And if you are a father, don’t give up praying for your children. You may not be able to change their hearts, but you can remain faithful before God and trust Him with what you cannot control.

When we yield to the Holy Spirit and respond to Christ with willing obedience, we can become better brothers, better sons, and better fathers. We can honor the roles God has entrusted to us, not for our own glory, but to serve Him faithfully and glorify His name. We cannot change yesterday, but we can surrender today.

This is Seth David Vivek, and that’s My 2 Cents. Love you all in our lord’s love.