“Holy shit. Now what?”

“Holy shit. Now what?”

That was the thought running through my head as I walked down the street on my first day living in another country.

For months before that, I’d been in culinary school in Calabria, surrounded by people all the time. We cooked together, ate together, spent every day together and I was on such a high. Then I moved to another part of the country…solo in Rome.

And don’t get me wrong, I was so excited. But suddenly, everything felt very real. I didn’t really know anyone. I didn’t know where to buy hangers. I didn’t know where my grocery store was. I was looking at the little place on the corner wondering, Is this where I’m supposed to shop? I suddenly had to figure out all of these tiny, everyday things that normally feel automatic—and I had no idea where to start.

And then I started to spiral.

I started wondering…How am I going to meet people? How am I going to know if we’re actually going to get along?

Making friends as an adult is already a little strange. It’s basically dating, except instead of wondering if someone likes you romantically, you’re wondering whether they’re going to be fun to get drinks with and whether they’ll actually follow through when they say, “We should hang out sometime.”

In the middle of my mini panic spiral, I decided I needed to do something familiar something that would make me feel like myself again. So I went online and searched: “Good Pilates Class Rome.”

I’m not even kidding.

After eating almost exclusively carbs for three months straight, I signed up for a class and thought, at least I won’t know anyone there.

I walked into the locker room, and it was just me and one other girl.

She looked at me and said:

“I’m sorry, this might be so weird, but are you Erin Silberman?”

I looked up at her in complete shock.

Because if you know me well, you know I look like a different person without makeup…and I’m not afraid to say it. 💅

So naturally, I said exactly that. She started laughing and told me she had literally been watching one of my TikToks on her way to class.

The crazy part was that the TikTok she had seen was a video of me rambling about moving somewhere new and kind of starting over in your 30s. At the time, it didn’t even have that many views. And somehow, this girl in the middle of Rome had watched it and then we ended up next to each other in a Pilates locker room.

She introduced me to another person in the class, and they both immediately seemed so nice.

Of course, when you first meet new people, everyone is on their best behavior. Again: adult friendship is basically dating. But then you start hanging out. And eventually, you get comfortable enough to stop trying to seem normal.

Let’s just say that when the three of us get together now, we laugh. A lot.

I got really lucky meeting these two. And eight months later, when we get drinks, like we are tonight, we somehow spend the entire time cracking each other up.

So, naturally, I’m bringing cookies.

I show love through food. It’s how I say I’m happy we’re here, I’m glad you’re in my life, and occasionally, I made too many cookies and need help finishing them.

And because we’re in Italy, everyone loves coffee. So I took my *famous* brown butter cookies and gave them an espresso kick. Then I added caramelized white chocolate using a trick I learned in culinary school. And I already know some of you are going to say: “But I don’t like white chocolate.” Trust me. This is different.

The white chocolate gets roasted in the oven until it turns deeply golden and caramelized, giving it a toasted, almost butterscotch-like flavor. Then it gets folded into the cookie dough with brown butter, espresso, and big chunks of chocolate. They’re crisp around the edges, soft in the center, and exactly what I wanted to bring to drinks with some of my favorite people.

So this episode of Eating Your Feelings is about making friends as an adult. And what better way than to do that with cookies.

Oh & pro tip… these cookies with a scoop of vanilla ice cream or gelato >>>>

Brown Butter Espresso Chunk Cookies (w/ Caramelized White Chocolate)

Ingredients

• 1½ cups cake flour (this recipe works well with king arthur) (180 g)

• 1 tablespoon cornstarch (8 g)

• ¼ teaspoon baking powder (1 g)

• ¾ teaspoon baking soda (3.5 g)

• ¾ teaspoon kosher salt (3 g)

• 4 g espresso powder (I used Illy)

• 1 whole egg + 1 egg yolk, at room temperature

• 1 cup light brown sugar, packed (200 g)

• ¼ cup granulated sugar (50 g)

• A splash of vanilla extract, or the seeds from 1 vanilla bean

• ½ cup salted butter (113 g)

• A handful of chocolate chips (I prefer Guittard Super Cookie Chips for this recipe.)

• ½ bar white chocolate (You’ll use half for the recipe and can snack on the rest.)

• Flaky sea salt, for finishing

Recipe

1. Caramelize the white chocolate.
   Preheat the oven to 350°F (175°C). Place the white chocolate on a parchment-lined baking sheet and bake for 5–8 minutes, until deeply golden. It may look slightly burnt around the edges, that’s okay. You want it to develop color, but not actually burn. Remove from the oven and let cool completely. Once cooled, crumble or chop into small pieces.

2. Brown the butter.
   Melt the butter in a light-colored pan over medium heat. Once melted, stir occasionally. It may begin to foam. Continue cooking until the butter turns golden with small brown bits and brown swirls throughout. Be careful not to over-brown it. Remove from the heat and immediately pour into a heat-safe glass or bowl. Let cool.

3. Mix the wet ingredients.
   In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, mix the brown sugar, granulated sugar, and cooled brown butter. Add the egg, egg yolk, and vanilla. Mix until smooth and creamy.

4. Mix the dry ingredients.
   In a separate bowl, whisk together the cake flour, cornstarch, kosher salt, espresso powder, baking powder, and baking soda.

5. Make the dough.
   Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and mix until just combined. Fold in the chocolate chips and caramelized white chocolate pieces.

6. Chill the dough.
   The dough may be a little sticky. Place it in the freezer for 10–15 minutes or fridge for 20-30, until it’s just firm enough to scoop and work with.

7. Scoop and refrigerate.
   Scoop the dough into 11–13 cookie dough balls. Place them on a parchment-lined baking sheet or plate and refrigerate for 2 hours. Don’t skip this step…it helps the dough set and allows the flavors to develop.

8. Bake.
   Arrange the cookie dough balls on a parchment-lined baking sheet, leaving plenty of space between them. Bake at 350°F (175°C) for 9–10 minutes. The cookies may look slightly underdone when they come out, but they’ll continue cooking as they cool. Let them rest on the baking sheet for 10 minutes. Once firm enough to move, transfer them to a cooling rack.

9. Finish and enjoy.
   Sprinkle with flaky sea salt while still warm. Let the cookies cool for at least 1 hour. The outside will continue to set while the centers stay soft. Enjoy!