Reading · Serenity in Suffering

I am thrilled that you stopped by Serenity in Suffering! I hope you’ll stay awhile and find refreshment for your weary heart. My vision moved me to create a place where anyone could find Peace and Purpose in the Storms of life; a safe place to rest, find hope, encouragement, inspiration, and tools for personal growth in times of trial.

Softness, joy, kindness, and a hint of mischievousness peek out of the deep blue of his eyes. Sandy hair caresses his forehead, while his casual grin captivates my heart. My hand brushes the fallen tear from the glass of the photo frame as I place it back in the box, closing the lid.

Though taken more than thirty years ago, it remains my favorite photo of my son. One of the few portraying his sweet, sensitive, kind nature, I return to it as a means of anchoring my heart when grief overwhelms my days.

In tragic turn of events, not long after that picture was taken, he suffered an unspeakable trauma while we served on the foreign mission field of Albania. One that claimed the boy in that photo, but not all at once; a slow fade, it would be another twenty-five years of addiction and self-destructive behavior before the truth forced its way free.

Over the years of our estrangement from our son, my prayers felt much the same: a slow fade. Zealous at first, full of determination, armed with scripture, I stormed the throne of God. Confidence in God’s soon answer to my prayers for my son’s healing and our family’s restoration, my faithful intercession recruited friends, family and often strangers.

The tremendous support and comfort of notes, phone calls and quick visits assuring me my son’s name bombarded God’s ears daily, sustained me many months. Until, the notes waned, calls and visits stopped, and our family’s situation became “awkward”.

Looking back over thirty-five plus years, I fidget. Hotness rising in my cheeks, I wonder like so many other times over the years if God still listens to my prayers for my son. Many would say God was on the move answering my prayers, but all I hold is the endless unravelling of pain.

A crisis of faith forced a clearer view upon me.

Time reveals all things; indeed, it tries motives on the altar of faith.

In Job 2:9-10, after Satan incites God against Job resulting in great personal tragedy, we read:

“Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die.” But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips.”

Indeed, a stellar response. One much like my own, not only in the situation with my son, but on other hard paths too. But when suffering continues unabated, God’s silence becomes deafening. The cold presence of isolation offers your sole companionship.

In a moment, the faith propelling you forward in hope and trust in God, now struggles to keep your head above water.

Your new pastime of second guessing everything: your faith, the value of your prayers, the truth about your situation, and if God even hears you, sinks what’s left of you into silence.

Closing my eyes in an attempt to fight back tears, I hold a book on prayer gifted me by a well-meaning friend. Intended for encouragement, it mocked my current state of prayerlessness.

Was God speaking after all?

The amount of baggage we bring from our earthly parental upbringing to our relationship with our Heavenly Father amazes me. In my case, a particular facet of my early interaction with my parents defined in a small degree, my prayerlessness.

Remanded by my parents to “only ask once” for anything, and that “no”, meant “no”, I read God’s silence in my seasons of unanswered prayer as a sign of trespassing those laws. Interpreting His inaction as a “NO”, I ceased seeking his help.

Adopting a “Why ask? God said no,” mentality gave me an excuse for remaining stuck and spirituality stagnant.

Yet, as apathy grew more common, the situation with my son worsened, adding hopelessness to the daily menu of discouragement. Deep down I knew my prayerlessness flowed from a flawed perspective, but I felt powerless to change anything.

Reframing God’s silence opened a window into God’s heart and shifted a myopic perspective focused only on my desired outcomes to God’s sovereign plan of sanctification.

Share Serenity in Suffering

Without delay every prayer reaches the tender ear of our gracious Heavenly Father and an answer issues forth. Jesus, our tireless, faithful High Priest intercedes on our behalf without ceasing (Hebrews 4:14-16 ESV) and the Holy Spirit prays for our need, when in our weakness we cannot pray as we ought. (Romans 8:26 ESV)

Yet, at times the space of silence between the uttered prayer and visible answer spans a cavernous abyss of time and unabated suffering. Viewing God’s silence as disapproval, like Job, our hearts cry out,

“Why do you hide your face and count me as your enemy?”

Job 13:24 ESV

My limited vision only saw heaven’s door closed in my face; suffering obscured the sight of His face and the sound of His voice.

Failure in receiving an immediate answer to prayer tests our faith in, and relationship to God. Stripping away superficial ideals, false perspectives, and earthly comforts all force us into the light. A light which begs answers to the hard questions of why we place belief in God and if God truly is who we believe.

Always at work in and through us for the ultimate good of our sanctification and His glory; God uses the silence as a refining tool. While at first the silence spoke only condemnation, leaning into God’s love transformed silence into serenity.

The work of silence revealed God’s steadfast love for me and my son, moving me to complete trust in the God who hears and indeed answers every prayer from His abundant goodness in His perfect time.

But trusting in the silence with unwavering faith requires waiting. How do we wait well?

Remember. God is good, He redeems any pain He allows for our good and His glory. He calls us to do hard things, as a means for growing spiritually more like Jesus. (Romans 8:28 ESV)
Pray. Seasons of silence bring defeat and spiritual weakness unless we persevere in prayer with complete faith. Praying not as beggars, but as God’s beloved children possessed of the promised provision of our Heavenly Father. (Mark 11:23 ESV)
Trust. Know God hears and answers every prayer. Believe that within the silence He is at work preparing the answer to your prayer and preparing you to receive that answer. (1 John 5:14-15 ESV)
Move. Walk in the faith of answered prayer. Let go of your desired outcome, surrendering to God’s chosen outcome. Seek opportunities of serving others in the same situation. Still waters stagnate, remain active in nurturing your own spiritual health.
Embrace. View your situation as an opportunity for growth and deeper spiritual intimacy with God. Choose a group or individual Bible study related to your current situation, to allow God and others the opportunity of speaking into your life.

Sanctification, the work of a lifetime occurs on the hard paths, in the darkest nights, and in the long seasons of waiting.

While we grow weary, longing only for an end to the suffering and silence, our patient God purges the dross of our lives away. Viewing the difficult seasons through the lens of sanctification moves us from the inaction of despair and self-focus to the action of a willing participant in God’s transforming work of love.

Seasons of silent suffering demonstrate God’s love, not His condemnation. For in the silence, He invites us into the serenity of deeper trust and intimacy with Him.

Though I still await the answer to my prayers for my son, I realize God’s voice resounds clearer in silence, strengthening my faith, as I discover His presence is the true comfort.

Suffering in Seasons of Silence

Comments