The Grief of Knowing

It most certainly has been a tremendous anxiety provoking, and anger and grief evoking burden to be awake at these times. It’s been a process for me, and it has been absolutely excruciating!Becoming aware, first, that your friends and family are injecting themselves with poisons and may be ticking timebombs and trying desperately to warn them, and then being gaslit and thought of as a crazy person— and therefore needing super thick skin and a really good support system.And then not being able to tell them the reality of what they’ve had injected, because you’re terrified it (you) will actually make them sick when they learn what they’ve done to themselves. So there’s that burden.

Then there’s a larger burden of the babies that are dying and those never being born, and there are those parents who are continuing to inject their children with vaccines that are damaging their neurological, immune systems— along with their fertility. The actual financial toll of neurological damage from vaccines is absolutely mind blowing— not to mention the emotional toll on the families and how many adult children who will never be able to care for themselves. Definitely check out the Utobian sub stack for details on that.

Then there’s the burden of what there is to do about it, who to do it with. Do you get involved in politics, even though you know the entire system was designed to fail, because if you don’t, you’re going to need to deal with the consequences— at least for the short term?

And then there’s how you’re just one person and you’re exhausted, and you see all the sheep continuing to implement this agenda and build their own prison, and you will be part of it if you (and they!) don’t do something very different…And then there’s the separating what you can do and what is in your locus of control, from what is outside of it. And doing the grieving and feeling the feelings.Now, that much of the panic, anger, frustration and grieving has subsided, it’s more about the new earth and building community, connecting with resources, and mitigating potential damage of a digital dystopia.

What a time to be alive! I recommend people keep journals because you won’t believe what you went through if it’s not in your own handwriting

COVID did not break my trust in government.

It ended it.

There is a difference. Broken things can be repaired. What I watched happen between 2020 and today is not a thing that gets repaired. It is a thing that gets replaced, or it continues, and the people it was built to serve continue to pay the price of its continuation with their bodies, their livelihoods, their children, and their silence.

I am not silent.

Six years. Every government on earth. The same wall. The same coordinated indifference. The same machinery converting injured human beings into administrative inconveniences and dissenting scientists into reputational threats to be neutralised rather than colleagues with evidence to be examined.

Six years and not one of them has broken.

Think about what that means. Think about the specific human decision-making that produces that outcome. Somewhere in every health ministry, in every regulatory body, in every parliamentary committee with the authority to demand answers, there are people who know what the data shows. People who have read the safety signals. People who have sat with the clinical findings and understood what they were looking at. People who went home and could not sleep and came back the next day and did what the institution required of them anyway.

That is not a system that failed.

That is a system working exactly as the people at the top of it intended.

The injured are not a tragedy to these institutions. They are a liability to be managed. There is a budget line for that management. There are communications strategies built around it. There are legal frameworks carefully constructed to ensure that the liability never reaches the people who made the decisions and always stops at the level of the program, the policy, the product, where no individual is required to stand and say with their name attached: I knew, and I continued, and here is what I thought your body was worth in the calculation I made.

No one stands there.

The wall ensures no one ever has to.

And the children. I keep coming back to the children because I think they are the part of this that history will find most difficult to explain. The healthy child.

The statistically negligible risk. The developing immune system, the developing endocrine system, the developing cardiovascular architecture, offered up to a program whose long-term safety profile in adults was still being characterised, on the basis of clinical trials that were not designed to answer the questions that a paediatrician with genuine independence would have required answered before a single needle entered a single child’s arm.

And when the myocarditis signal appeared in adolescent males the machinery did not stop.

It produced a risk-benefit statement.

And the benefit being calculated was not the benefit to the child.

It was the benefit to the program.

That is the sentence I want every person who approved paediatric vaccination to read with their name next to it.

The science is not settled in the way that phrase has been weaponised to mean. The science is a living process and the living process has been producing, for six years, findings that the institutions most responsible for acting on those findings have treated as problems to manage rather than information to integrate.

The suppression of that information is not a side story.

It is the story.