Three Thoughts About Tu B'Av

Today is Tu B’Av - the fifteenth day of the month of Av on the Jewish calendar. While Tu B’Av may be the least known Jewish holiday, the Mishnah calls it, along with Yom Kippur, the most joyous day of the year:

Rabban Shimon ben Gamilel said: There were no days as joyous for Israel as the fifteenth day of Av and Yom Kippur. On these days, the daughters of Jerusalem would go outside in borrowed white clothes1, so as not to embarrass someone who does not have any… and they would dance in the vineyards. What would they say? “Young man, look up and see what you are choosing for yourself. Do not look at external beauty, but at the family; “Charm is false and beauty is worthless; a woman who fears God deserves praise. Give her from the fruits of her hand, and may her actions bring her praise in the gates.” The verse also says, “Go out and look at King Solomon, daughters of Zion, wearing the crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of His marriage and on the day of the joy of his heart.” [The words “King Solomon” actually refer not to Solomon, but to God, the King of Peace, and “his mother” refers to the Assembly of Israel2]; “The day of his marriage” refers to the giving of the Torah; “The day of the joy of his heart” refers to the building of the Temple - may it be built speedily in our days!3

The Mishnah is dizzying. It begins by describing the ultimate singles gathering, where young women would dance in the vineyards in order to impress the young men - while they would simultaneously tell the men to pay attention to the girls’ upbringing, rather than to their external beauty. Then the Mishnah pivots and talks not about the nature of their upbringing, but about the quality of their character and actions. Most dramatically, the Mishnah then cites a verse that instructs the daughters of Zion to look at King Solomon… at which point the Mishnah explains that the verse is actually talking about God.4

What is the message of the Mishnah’s final line?

I would suggest that our Sages were engaged in an act of theological daring.

The Mishnah begins by telling us that which should be obvious: that beauty is, ultimately, a secondary and relatively unimportant trait in a spouse. What matters, of course, is her upbringing (which in a larger sense means the values that she was taught), and perhaps even more importantly, the quality of her actions and attributes. These are sentiments that are easily forgotten but with which most people would heartily agree.

At that point, the Mishnah asks us to do something shocking: namely, to think of God in the same way.

In an imperfect world - a world where the Divine Presence remains in exile and the Temple remains in ruins - we may understandably ask why divinity remains covered in ashes, hidden behind the garbage heaps, invisible or, worse, apparently lacking beauty. These are the questions without answers, and they are the primary theme of Tisha B’Av.

Less than a week later, on the day that a mourner who began sitting shiva on Tisha B’Av would resume his normal routine,5 our Sages remind us that just as a woman’s external beauty does not represent her true self, God’s current state of degradation is also a temporary and inaccurate representation of His true greatness. We should think of the Holy One not as He chooses to be perceived today - that is, hidden and largely ignored - but as He was when He emerged from His hiding spot, on the day He revealed the Torah to Israel and at the moment that He caused his Temple to be built.

Appearances are secondary. What matters is the reality underneath. What is true in a spouse is equally true in our divine Spouse; and by uncovering and internalizing this truth, we take a step closer to the ultimate redemption, when He will choose to end the game of hide-and-seek and instead allow us to live openly as partners in the world that He created - may that day come speedily!

What is the origin of Tu B’Av? The Talmud offers six complementary6 answers:

[The joy experienced on]Yom Kippur is understandable, for the day brings forgiveness and pardon [and] it was the day on which the second set of Tablets were given. But what is the fifteenth day of Av?

Rav Yehuda said in the name of Shmuel: It was the day that the tribes were permitted to marry each other [in cases when the property would thereby be transferred to a different tribe]…

Rav Yosef said in the name of Rav Nachman: It was the day that the members of the tribe of Benjamin were again allowed to join the rest of the congregation [following the disastrous civil war that ensued after the tragic events of Pilegesh sheb’Givah]…

Rabba bar Bar Chana said in the name of Rabbi Yochanan: It was the day that the people stopped dying in the desert [at the end of forty years of wandering due to the sin of the spies]…

Ulla said: It was the day that Hoshea ben Eilah [King of the Northern Kingdom] removed the guards that Yeravam ben Nevat placed on the roads so that Israelites would not be able to ascend to Jerusalem on the festivals; Hoshea said, “Whoever wants may go up.”

Rav Matnah said: It was the day that those killed in Beitar [during the Bar Kochba rebellion] were given over for burial [after their burial had previously been prohibited by the Romans]. Rav Matnah also said: The day that those killed in Beitar were given over for burial, the Sages instituted the blessing of HaTov v’haMeitiv [He Who is good and does good] - “Who is good” because the bodies had not decomposed; “Who does good” because they were given over for burial.

Rabbah and Rav Yosef both said: It was the day that they annually finished cutting the wood to burn on the altar [because from this point on the sun, being weaker, may not dry the wood, which will then potentially have worms and produce too much smoke7]… From this point forward, he who adds [Torah learning during the lengthening nights], increases his lifespan; he who does not add, will perish.8

There is tremendous depth implicit in each of these statements - and I won’t even attempt to get to the bottom of what our Sages are teaching us. I cannot help but notice, however, a uniquely Jewish aspect of all six historical events: namely, that the joy came not from victory or positive achievement, but from the removal of something negative and painful.

The restrictions on intertribal marriage were abolished; the guards who prevented Israelites from journeying to Jerusalem were removed; those who died in Beitar were finally buried. And perhaps most shockingly, the people who were destined to die in the desert were all dead by Tu B’Av: again, not that someone was saved from death, but that the entire generation sentenced to die before entering the Land of Israel had already died. We celebrate, that is, because everyone who was destined to die was dead! We celebrate because the countless martyrs killed while defending Beitar were brought to their final resting places.

And this is the happiest day on the Jewish calendar?

Strangely enough, this is akin to the well-known preference of many great scholars to be called up as Chatan Bereshit on Simchat Torah rather than as Chatan Torah. The latter refers to the aliya that finishes the annual cycle of Torah readings; it is an achievement, and a chance to look back at a job well done. Chatan Bereshit, however, is a new start, a new beginning, and a new opportunity. When something ends, there is satisfaction. When something begins, there is opportunity - and that is the source of Jewish joy.

The destruction of Beitar was a horrible tragedy; yet the burial of its victims meant that, at last, the Jewish people could look forward and begin the millennia-long march back to the Land of Israel and back to the rebuilt Temple. Not one person in the vast Sinai desert wanted the older generation to perish; yet once the people realized that the dying had come to an end, they also knew that settling the Land would begin forthwith. Tisha B’Av involves unbearable pain, but getting up and moving forward, in spite of the sadness, presents new and greater vistas for future achievement and growth.9

Our joy, that is, comes from the opportunity to look forward - because we truly believe that tomorrow will be better than today; and if not tomorrow, then certainly the day after.10

People often compare Tu B’Av to Sadie Hawkins Day - a comparison that had greater resonance when Al Capp’s Li’l Abner comic strip was among the most popular and critically acclaimed comics in the United States.

Sadie Hawkins Day began as a storyline in Li’l Abner in which Hekzebiah Hawkins, whose daughter Sadie was still living at home, figured out a method to finally get her married:

All the single men in Dogpatch [the village in which the comic took place] would gather in the town square, and a race would be staged. The men would be given a fair head start, and then Sadie would be allowed to pursue them. If she caught one of the eligible bachelors, she could marry him. Sadie Hawkins had snared her man, and the event became an annual affair, staged every November for all single men and women.11

Sadie Hawkins Day became a national phenomenon. Life magazine reported that in 1939 - just two years after the original storyline was published - 201 colleges held Sadie Hawkins Day events.12

Of course, Sadie Hawkins Day is sort of the inverse of the Mishnah’s description of Tu B’Av: on Sadie Hawkins Day, the girls chase the boys, whereas on Tu B’Av, the daughters of Jerusalem try to impress the boys, who then would then figuratively pursue the girls they wanted to marry. More importantly, Sadie Hawkins Day was a joke, and Tu B’Av was very real.

It is worth noting, however, that Li’l Abner creator Al Capp was the product of rabbinic stock. His maternal grandfather, Rabbi Fivel Davidson, was a rabbi in Newark, NJ, while Capp’s paternal grandfather, Sam Cowper, originally read nothing but the Talmud.13

Is it possible that young Al Capp once heard his illustrious grandfather mention Tu B’Av, and that memory from long ago inspired him, consciously or otherwise, to teach this custom to his adoring public through the cartoon denizens of Dogpatch?

It’s pure speculation on my part - but in the spirit of “the most joyous day of the year,” I think it’s worth considering, at least for a minute or two.

Wishing everyone a joyous Tu B’Av - and may Sadie Hawkins get her man!