What Madison Does NOT Do

I am so excited to share this one with you.

Today’s post is a collaboration with Madison — known as DJ Mad Bad Ting with a motherhood Substack (subscribe to Mad Bad Tea!). She’s a creative director in luxury fashion, a DJ, and a content creator, with a 22-month-old son.

When I first came across her writing, what struck me was how much her approach to motherhood echoes what I talk about here: letting go of perfection, trusting your instincts, and raising kids with a more back-to-basics approach—even though she is a globe-trotting American-Italian DJ based in Paris.

And, perhaps most importantly, I was moved by how Madison talks about all the things modern moms struggle with—as all I can think of, when I keep on reading, is how much I relate to that when I’m in the US, and how I don’t when I’m in Finland— because Nordic moms don’t have those challenges. There are entire countries that figured out solutions, took action, and stayed the course. Without those realities, we should not rise to the occasion; we should dramatically lower the bar—which is what Mad and I both talk about.

Now, Madison’s road to motherhood wasn’t the one she planned. She fell in love, got engaged, got pregnant — and then, due to domestic violence during her pregnancy, became a completely solo parent just 14 days postpartum. The motherhood she’d imagined disappeared, but what she built instead is honest, inspiring, and unconventional, and I wanted her raw, unfiltered voice on how we can lighten the load on Scandi Class.

My biggest parenting rule is actually to let my son be. I take a pretty hands-off approach. I don’t feel the need to constantly correct, entertain, or teach him. If he decides a cardboard box is a hat, then it’s a hat. I’m down!

I was over-parented as a child, and it turned me into a perfectionist. I spent years believing there was always one “right” way to do things. That I needed to be perfect to be enough. I don’t want that for my son.

I want him to trust his imagination, creativity, and his own perspective. More than anything, I care about the emotional environment he grows up in. My goal isn’t to raise the highest-achieving kid in the room; it’s to raise an emotionally healthy, happy, kind, well-rounded human. And hey, if he becomes very successful, that’s a fabulous bonus too! And as a high achiever, I am shocked that it is my biggest priority as a mom.

Annabella: This sounds so Nordic! Kids are kids and the best teacher is… life!

I know everyone hates this answer… but it’s waking up at 4:30 a.m.

I’m naturally a morning person, so as long as I’m asleep by 9 p.m., those three quiet hours before my son wakes up completely change my day. I can work, shower, answer emails, and get ready before he opens his eyes. Literally, a whole life is lived before he wakes up.

By the time he’s awake, my attention belongs to him instead of my never-ending to-do list.

Annabella: I feel strongly about early mornings too! Though for me it’s often 5 or 5:30am, and my oldest tends to get up by 6am. It’s the most peaceful time to have silence and solitude before the day gets going. In Finland, parents who have early risers still want to protect that time: I was told I need to teach my kids that “mom is not available until she puts her coffee cup down, because everyone has the right to drink their coffee hot and read the news in peace.” I tried it when my youngest was 4 and couldn’t believe I had not done this before!

He’s only 22 months (so almost 2), but independence has always been something I’ve encouraged.

He throws away his own diapers, puts away his toys and shoes, feeds himself, brushes his teeth (I usually do a quick finish at the end!), helps get himself dressed, and absolutely loves looking through books on his own.

One thing that surprises people most is how well he plays independently. He can happily entertain himself with books, Legos, or even invent games by himself for quite a while.

Every morning he also enjoys about 30–45 minutes in his crib with a milk, a few stuffed animals, and a book before he’s ready to start the day. I think we both appreciate a little quiet personal time in the morning.

Annabella: In Finland, we follow a philosophy of not interrupting children when they play or focus on something: not commenting, not to asking questions, not even looking in that direction. The idea is that play is meditative and when they are in the flow, they likely don’t get back into it if you interrupt it. The more kids get to play in the flow, the longer times they stay in the flow.

The mess. And I mean that both physically and psychologically.

I don’t hide the messy parts of my life. I don’t care if my house looks perfectly tidy or if my life looks perfectly put together. I don’t care if you think it’s weird that I’m a solo mother or if my son wants to wear a mismatched outfit.

I grew up in an environment where everything had to look perfect: the family, the house, the outfits, and the photos. I don’t want my son growing up with that kind of pressure. My son is watching me rebuild, and I think that’s valuable. I’d much rather he learn resilience than believe successful people never struggle or that life has to look perfect for other people.

I want him to understand what it means to be human. To know that life is messy sometimes, people make mistakes, and rebuilding is part of life. The mess and chaos often birth something beautiful, like him. He was born in a messy moment. He is the beauty that emerged from the chaos.

That’s something I think the years I’ve spent living in France have heavily influenced me, where I’ve noticed there’s often less pressure to perform perfection and more acceptance of simply living and being you.

As for using the term “solo mom” instead of “single mom”—I refuse to carry language that was built to excuse men and diminish mothers. I refuse to let someone else’s absence become more important than my presence.

💛 If this is resonating, tap the like button — it says “hi! I was here!” & helps more moms find ways we can do less, and with that, achieve so much more.

As a solo parent, I don’t get to fully clock out ever, unfortunately. But when my son is acting completely out of character, he’s usually either exhausted or overstimulated.

If it’s nap time or bedtime, I put him in bed with his stuffed animals, a milk, and some calming music. Nine times out of ten, he wakes up as his happy little self.

If sleep isn’t the answer, I try changing the energy instead of escalating it. I’ll make a silly voice, start dancing, or turn whatever’s happening into a game. I try not to escalate the emotional crisis.

One of the biggest lessons motherhood has taught me is that my son mirrors my energy. If I’m dysregulated, he usually is too. The more I’ve learned to regulate myself, the more I’ve seen him learn to do the same.

Annabella: I love that you talk about it because moms are often made to feel guilty for regulating their own nervous systems—as if “me time” was a luxury. In Finland, there’s this concept of intentional silence, “hiljaisuus”. It took me such a long time to realize how much I need it, especially as the noise in my home is often cacophonic with three boys. Now I carefully plan either solo time at home or I take short solo trips (like little writing retreats) to regulate my nervous system.

I try to build independence into our everyday routines instead of doing everything for him, which I’ve noticed has made him a very confident toddler.

Whether it’s throwing something in the trash, putting away toys, helping get dressed, or brushing his own teeth, those tiny moments add up.

It makes life easier for me as a solo parent, but more importantly, it gives him confidence. He genuinely believes, “I can do things myself,” and I love watching that confidence grow.

Annabella: I have to tell you, when your son grows a bit, Paris has these playgrounds where you can drop your kids off — there is supervision, but kids are not hovered over — while you go sit down for coffee or get a glass of wine! Such a great example of trusting that kids can be independent, do things on their own, in a safe place. In Finland it’s one step further—kids are just trusted to be very capable. You see even seven-year-olds roam the playgrounds and meet friends solo. And it all starts with this confidence in yourself:-)

We tend to think of "hands-off" parenting as passive, but it is actually a whole philosophy behind creating a “can-do” home. And it’s what Nordic families are made of: everyone does what they are capable of—without unnecessary burnout, overwhelm, and anxiety. Hustling is not prized; wellbeing is.

For more letters on amazing moms lowering the bar, hop here.

And because no one needs an easy August more than moms, here are 100 ways to make it happen:

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